This article is within the scope of WikiProject Indonesia, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
Indonesia and
Indonesia-related topics on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.IndonesiaWikipedia:WikiProject IndonesiaTemplate:WikiProject IndonesiaIndonesia articles
This article falls within the scope of WikiProject Netherlands, an attempt to create, expand, and improve articles related to the
Netherlands on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, visit the
project page where you can join the project or contribute to the
discussion.NetherlandsWikipedia:WikiProject NetherlandsTemplate:WikiProject NetherlandsNetherlands articles
"...starred Dhalia and Soerip and followed orphaned sisters as they tried to make a living in the colonial capital of Batavia". Seems like something in missing. May be a comma after Soerip, and something (two?) immediately before orphaned sisters. Or may be even "..Dhalia and Soerip as two orphaned sisters who tried to make a living in the colonial capital..."?
Split into two different sentences.
Any present day equivalent of British Malaya (like Indonesia is mentioned earlier in the lead)? It's probably not a strict necessity: up to you.
"Based on the plot, Indonesian film historian Misbach Yusa Biran suggests that the film may have been partly sponsored by Nitisemito, at the time one of the largest cigarette factories in the Indies" Did not understand that. The plot had elements suggestive of a cigarette company producing the film? Also when does Biran suggest that? Many years later?
So, wont be better to state in this way, "...Indonesian film historian Misbach Yusa Biran suggests in his 2010 book Sejarah Film 1900–1950: Bikin Film di Jawa that the film may.."?--
Dwaipayan (
talk)
23:03, 27 May 2013 (UTC)reply
"Unable to recoup its expenses, Oriental was merged into the Dutch-owned Multi Film and ceased producing works of fiction" When did this happen? Immediately after the film? Was this a result of this film?
Also, Multi Film was Dutch-owned. So, was Oriental Film native-owned? (well, that has not been told explicitly, but from the names of the owner, reader may guess so) When I came across this term Dutch-owned, I thought being owned by Dutch versus Indonesian natives may have some historical significance. That's why asking this.
Although it's not a requirement, how about a cast list? While reading non-plot section of this article (such as legacy), a cast list provides an easy way to cross-reference. For example, there is a sentence in legacy "Sutinah and Poniman would remain active in the industry until 1986 and 1975..." Now, a reader who is not acquainted with Indonesian names, might have forgotten who they were or which roles they played. A cast list would offer a quick check for that. --
Dwaipayan (
talk)
01:02, 28 May 2013 (UTC)reply
No, I don't think this would meet
WP:CASTLIST. If they forget after the plot, they're going to forget after a cast list as well. That and plain cast lists generally look terrible.09:32, 28 May 2013 (UTC) —
Crisco 1492 (
talk)
"would-be-son-in-law" should that be "would-be son-in-law"? (I'm not entirely sure of which version is correct)
"run by ethnic Chinese producer": I'm not sure which variant of English you are using, but if it's BrEng then it should be "the ethnic Chinese...". It may differ if you're using a different variant. (There are a couple of other bits where there should be a definite article too, if it's BrEng)
"Sutinah and Poniman would remain active in the industry until 1986 and 1975": worth reversing the names to.keep the dates chronological?
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Indonesia, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
Indonesia and
Indonesia-related topics on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.IndonesiaWikipedia:WikiProject IndonesiaTemplate:WikiProject IndonesiaIndonesia articles
This article falls within the scope of WikiProject Netherlands, an attempt to create, expand, and improve articles related to the
Netherlands on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, visit the
project page where you can join the project or contribute to the
discussion.NetherlandsWikipedia:WikiProject NetherlandsTemplate:WikiProject NetherlandsNetherlands articles
"...starred Dhalia and Soerip and followed orphaned sisters as they tried to make a living in the colonial capital of Batavia". Seems like something in missing. May be a comma after Soerip, and something (two?) immediately before orphaned sisters. Or may be even "..Dhalia and Soerip as two orphaned sisters who tried to make a living in the colonial capital..."?
Split into two different sentences.
Any present day equivalent of British Malaya (like Indonesia is mentioned earlier in the lead)? It's probably not a strict necessity: up to you.
"Based on the plot, Indonesian film historian Misbach Yusa Biran suggests that the film may have been partly sponsored by Nitisemito, at the time one of the largest cigarette factories in the Indies" Did not understand that. The plot had elements suggestive of a cigarette company producing the film? Also when does Biran suggest that? Many years later?
So, wont be better to state in this way, "...Indonesian film historian Misbach Yusa Biran suggests in his 2010 book Sejarah Film 1900–1950: Bikin Film di Jawa that the film may.."?--
Dwaipayan (
talk)
23:03, 27 May 2013 (UTC)reply
"Unable to recoup its expenses, Oriental was merged into the Dutch-owned Multi Film and ceased producing works of fiction" When did this happen? Immediately after the film? Was this a result of this film?
Also, Multi Film was Dutch-owned. So, was Oriental Film native-owned? (well, that has not been told explicitly, but from the names of the owner, reader may guess so) When I came across this term Dutch-owned, I thought being owned by Dutch versus Indonesian natives may have some historical significance. That's why asking this.
Although it's not a requirement, how about a cast list? While reading non-plot section of this article (such as legacy), a cast list provides an easy way to cross-reference. For example, there is a sentence in legacy "Sutinah and Poniman would remain active in the industry until 1986 and 1975..." Now, a reader who is not acquainted with Indonesian names, might have forgotten who they were or which roles they played. A cast list would offer a quick check for that. --
Dwaipayan (
talk)
01:02, 28 May 2013 (UTC)reply
No, I don't think this would meet
WP:CASTLIST. If they forget after the plot, they're going to forget after a cast list as well. That and plain cast lists generally look terrible.09:32, 28 May 2013 (UTC) —
Crisco 1492 (
talk)
"would-be-son-in-law" should that be "would-be son-in-law"? (I'm not entirely sure of which version is correct)
"run by ethnic Chinese producer": I'm not sure which variant of English you are using, but if it's BrEng then it should be "the ethnic Chinese...". It may differ if you're using a different variant. (There are a couple of other bits where there should be a definite article too, if it's BrEng)
"Sutinah and Poniman would remain active in the industry until 1986 and 1975": worth reversing the names to.keep the dates chronological?