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improving draft

So at end of August "Submission declined" with "This submission appears to read more like an advertisement...". Did an edit of draft. Here are two possible improvements that come to mind:
1) shorten "educate, develop and celebrate" to "educate, and develop" (is "celebrate" too advert-y?)
2) add words about recent collaboration with Disney (GFS alumni short: Yo Recuerdo/ I Remember.) Deadline.com ref (I've got other things to-do so may NOT have time for another edit of draft today) EarthFurst ( talk) 20:36, 15 October 2023 (UTC) reply

Oh, and David O. Russell has nice Ghetto_Film_School section that could be used for wording and refs. -- EarthFurst ( talk) 20:56, 15 October 2023 (UTC) reply
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

improving draft

So at end of August "Submission declined" with "This submission appears to read more like an advertisement...". Did an edit of draft. Here are two possible improvements that come to mind:
1) shorten "educate, develop and celebrate" to "educate, and develop" (is "celebrate" too advert-y?)
2) add words about recent collaboration with Disney (GFS alumni short: Yo Recuerdo/ I Remember.) Deadline.com ref (I've got other things to-do so may NOT have time for another edit of draft today) EarthFurst ( talk) 20:36, 15 October 2023 (UTC) reply

Oh, and David O. Russell has nice Ghetto_Film_School section that could be used for wording and refs. -- EarthFurst ( talk) 20:56, 15 October 2023 (UTC) reply

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