The article was promoted by Karanacs 15:59, 1 September 2009 [1].
Toolbox |
---|
My first attempt at writing about this oft-neglected era of motorsport. Thanks go to 4u1e for the comments and Malleus Fatuorum for the copyedit. If possible, I'd like to get the article on the main page for the 28th of September, the 50th anniversary of his death. Please note that one image ( File:Caratsch.jpg) is lacking sourcing information, but SoWhy has contacted the original uploader (an admin on de.wiki) and we are currently awaiting a reply. Aptery gial 00:12, 10 August 2009 (UTC) reply
Support I am satisfied that all of my concerns were addressed. Royal broil 23:21, 20 August 2009 (UTC) reply
Comments I like this article. Very cool. Not a big motor sports fan, but the old stuff is intriguing to me. In terms of scope and focus, this is terrific. I'm not going to comment on the sources, 'cause I don't know the literature well. Your images are appropriate, and well spaced, although I do think some of them could be bigger, because it is hard to see what they are in the thumb size. Writing I do know something about, and here are my comments on that. Please bear in mind these are niggling little comments, for the most part, relating to clarity, etc. I do think your use of commas is minimalist, and normally I'd use more, but my friends call me the "comma-kazi" (and I call them "comma-tose"). sb=should be
*...which ruled him out of racing for more than a year... sounds like it was a rule...how about eliminated him from racing....
*Mercedes-Benz racing team in 1934, with whom...sb with which....
*Motorsport in Germany at the time, as in the rest of Europe, was an exclusive sport, mainly limited to the upper classes. redundant
*As the sport became more professional in the early 1920s, specialist drivers, like Caracciola, began to dominate it (missing)
*Need to write out AVUS the first time.
*Later in 1923, he was hired by Daimler-Motoren-Gesellschaft shouldn't the name be in English? piped link?
*Rosenberger lost control at the North Curve on the eighth lap when trying to pass a slower car, and crashed into the timekeepers' box, killing all three occupants, but Caracciola kept driving.... but? how about omitting the but (since you have the same structure in the next sentence but one). Caracciola kept driving. (and what happened to Rosenberger?)
*He was surprised, when he crossed the 20th and final lap, to have won the race. He wasn't surprised to be finish the race, certainly....?
*...However, a lengthy pit stop, which took four and a half minutes to refuel his car, left him unable to recover the time, and he eventually finished third
*with ten laps remaining in the race Caracciola was so close he could see Nuvolari changing gears. It was in this manner that the race finished. awkward .....how about .... For the last ten laps of the race, C. was so close he could see Nuvolari changing gears.
*Avusrennen. translate, or explain.
*Charlotte was able to take her husband back to Arosa, where the altitude and fresh air would aid his recovery. Charlotte took....?
*Alfred Neubauer, the Mercedes racing manager, travelled to the Caracciolas' chalet in Lugano in November with a view to signing him for the...I'm sure there was a great view at the chalet in Lugano, but probably he planned to sign him. I think "view to signing him" is probably slang?
*A visit from Chiron encouraged him otherwise, and despite his initial reservations he was persuaded to drive the lap of honour ... A visit from Chiron encouraged him to return to racing, and, despite his initial reservations, he was persuaded to drive the lap of honour (also, needs clarification, lap of honour?)
*Charlotte died when the party she was skiing with in the Swiss Alps was hit by an avalanche. .... Charlotte died in an avalanche in the Swiss Alps....? too much detail.
*.... (desert race)....from his crash in Monaco two years before, and that he was now back among the contenders
* Although the chassis of the W25 was shortened, and the engine was significantly upgraded to 4.74 litres, but the car proved inferior to the Type C developed by Auto Union
* Following the AVUS race, Caracciola, along with Rosemeyer, Nuvolari and Mercedes' new driver, Richard Seaman,
* ....but in a practice for the race, Caracciola was hit on the head by an object, believed to be a bird, and crashed into the south wall. The organisers had insisted he wear a tank driver's helmet, which saved his life; despite this precaution, he suffered a severe concussion and was in a coma for several days
* Like most German racing drivers in Nazi Germany, Caracciola was a member of the NSKK.[117] The primary function of the NSKK was as a paramilitary organisation of the Nazi Party devoted to motor racing and motor cars, and during the Second World War it handled transport and supply logistics. Awkward. How about... Like most German racing drivers in Nazi Germany, Caracciola had joined the NSKK, a paramilitary organization of the NSDAP devoted to motor racing and motor cars; during the war, it handled transport and supply.
* ...despite strict currency controls his salary was paid... needs comma: and, despite strict currency controls, his salary...
*During the war, he continued to receive a pension from Daimler-Benz until 1942, when the firm ceased his payments under pressure from the Nazi party Confusing. The NS-regime pressured the DB to stop his pension payments in 1942
*Links: German Grand Prix, Italian Grand Prix, etc., all have pages, yet you link them to the year, not the page?
These are not major, in fact they are somewhat niggling details, but will help the overall readability, I think.... Auntieruth55 ( talk) 22:44, August 29, 2009
Apterygial, the things I still have questions/comments about are not crossed out, and I've spaced between them so you can find them more easily. Auntieruth55 ( talk) 17:36, 30 August 2009 (UTC) reply
SUPPORT. This is a very interesting article to read, even for a non-motorsports fan. the writing is nicely done, easy to read, and it has a good tone. The links seem appropriate, and easy to follow. I cannot comment on the sources. The pictures work with the flow of the text. All in all, definitely ready for prime time. And Aptery is a delight to work with. I've learned a lot about Australian slang ;) For the sake of "transparency," I should say that the editor and I discussed this on my user talk page, and reached the conclusion that if half the English speaking world understood it, and the other half didn't, then it probably should be fixed so that all (or at least most) of the English speaking world understood it. The issue over the plaster cast was not just "plaster cast" but how the plaster cast was used (what was encased in it). Auntieruth55 ( talk) 14:09, 31 August 2009 (UTC) reply
Thanks, it was good working with you. Aptery gial 21:38, 31 August 2009 (UTC) reply
The article was promoted by Karanacs 15:59, 1 September 2009 [1].
Toolbox |
---|
My first attempt at writing about this oft-neglected era of motorsport. Thanks go to 4u1e for the comments and Malleus Fatuorum for the copyedit. If possible, I'd like to get the article on the main page for the 28th of September, the 50th anniversary of his death. Please note that one image ( File:Caratsch.jpg) is lacking sourcing information, but SoWhy has contacted the original uploader (an admin on de.wiki) and we are currently awaiting a reply. Aptery gial 00:12, 10 August 2009 (UTC) reply
Support I am satisfied that all of my concerns were addressed. Royal broil 23:21, 20 August 2009 (UTC) reply
Comments I like this article. Very cool. Not a big motor sports fan, but the old stuff is intriguing to me. In terms of scope and focus, this is terrific. I'm not going to comment on the sources, 'cause I don't know the literature well. Your images are appropriate, and well spaced, although I do think some of them could be bigger, because it is hard to see what they are in the thumb size. Writing I do know something about, and here are my comments on that. Please bear in mind these are niggling little comments, for the most part, relating to clarity, etc. I do think your use of commas is minimalist, and normally I'd use more, but my friends call me the "comma-kazi" (and I call them "comma-tose"). sb=should be
*...which ruled him out of racing for more than a year... sounds like it was a rule...how about eliminated him from racing....
*Mercedes-Benz racing team in 1934, with whom...sb with which....
*Motorsport in Germany at the time, as in the rest of Europe, was an exclusive sport, mainly limited to the upper classes. redundant
*As the sport became more professional in the early 1920s, specialist drivers, like Caracciola, began to dominate it (missing)
*Need to write out AVUS the first time.
*Later in 1923, he was hired by Daimler-Motoren-Gesellschaft shouldn't the name be in English? piped link?
*Rosenberger lost control at the North Curve on the eighth lap when trying to pass a slower car, and crashed into the timekeepers' box, killing all three occupants, but Caracciola kept driving.... but? how about omitting the but (since you have the same structure in the next sentence but one). Caracciola kept driving. (and what happened to Rosenberger?)
*He was surprised, when he crossed the 20th and final lap, to have won the race. He wasn't surprised to be finish the race, certainly....?
*...However, a lengthy pit stop, which took four and a half minutes to refuel his car, left him unable to recover the time, and he eventually finished third
*with ten laps remaining in the race Caracciola was so close he could see Nuvolari changing gears. It was in this manner that the race finished. awkward .....how about .... For the last ten laps of the race, C. was so close he could see Nuvolari changing gears.
*Avusrennen. translate, or explain.
*Charlotte was able to take her husband back to Arosa, where the altitude and fresh air would aid his recovery. Charlotte took....?
*Alfred Neubauer, the Mercedes racing manager, travelled to the Caracciolas' chalet in Lugano in November with a view to signing him for the...I'm sure there was a great view at the chalet in Lugano, but probably he planned to sign him. I think "view to signing him" is probably slang?
*A visit from Chiron encouraged him otherwise, and despite his initial reservations he was persuaded to drive the lap of honour ... A visit from Chiron encouraged him to return to racing, and, despite his initial reservations, he was persuaded to drive the lap of honour (also, needs clarification, lap of honour?)
*Charlotte died when the party she was skiing with in the Swiss Alps was hit by an avalanche. .... Charlotte died in an avalanche in the Swiss Alps....? too much detail.
*.... (desert race)....from his crash in Monaco two years before, and that he was now back among the contenders
* Although the chassis of the W25 was shortened, and the engine was significantly upgraded to 4.74 litres, but the car proved inferior to the Type C developed by Auto Union
* Following the AVUS race, Caracciola, along with Rosemeyer, Nuvolari and Mercedes' new driver, Richard Seaman,
* ....but in a practice for the race, Caracciola was hit on the head by an object, believed to be a bird, and crashed into the south wall. The organisers had insisted he wear a tank driver's helmet, which saved his life; despite this precaution, he suffered a severe concussion and was in a coma for several days
* Like most German racing drivers in Nazi Germany, Caracciola was a member of the NSKK.[117] The primary function of the NSKK was as a paramilitary organisation of the Nazi Party devoted to motor racing and motor cars, and during the Second World War it handled transport and supply logistics. Awkward. How about... Like most German racing drivers in Nazi Germany, Caracciola had joined the NSKK, a paramilitary organization of the NSDAP devoted to motor racing and motor cars; during the war, it handled transport and supply.
* ...despite strict currency controls his salary was paid... needs comma: and, despite strict currency controls, his salary...
*During the war, he continued to receive a pension from Daimler-Benz until 1942, when the firm ceased his payments under pressure from the Nazi party Confusing. The NS-regime pressured the DB to stop his pension payments in 1942
*Links: German Grand Prix, Italian Grand Prix, etc., all have pages, yet you link them to the year, not the page?
These are not major, in fact they are somewhat niggling details, but will help the overall readability, I think.... Auntieruth55 ( talk) 22:44, August 29, 2009
Apterygial, the things I still have questions/comments about are not crossed out, and I've spaced between them so you can find them more easily. Auntieruth55 ( talk) 17:36, 30 August 2009 (UTC) reply
SUPPORT. This is a very interesting article to read, even for a non-motorsports fan. the writing is nicely done, easy to read, and it has a good tone. The links seem appropriate, and easy to follow. I cannot comment on the sources. The pictures work with the flow of the text. All in all, definitely ready for prime time. And Aptery is a delight to work with. I've learned a lot about Australian slang ;) For the sake of "transparency," I should say that the editor and I discussed this on my user talk page, and reached the conclusion that if half the English speaking world understood it, and the other half didn't, then it probably should be fixed so that all (or at least most) of the English speaking world understood it. The issue over the plaster cast was not just "plaster cast" but how the plaster cast was used (what was encased in it). Auntieruth55 ( talk) 14:09, 31 August 2009 (UTC) reply
Thanks, it was good working with you. Aptery gial 21:38, 31 August 2009 (UTC) reply