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Women in music on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
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If the B-side track is called "Perfume", it must be in quotation marks
Lead
Paragraph 1
"was described as a..." → "is a..."
Paragraph 2
I would remove "from their album and their career" as it is a bit redundant
"Kazuaki Seki; it features the girls..." → "Kazuaki Seki and features the girls..."
Background and composition
Paragraph 1
Change "him" to "Nakata" in the second sentence
Yes, "Perfume" is in quotation marks here so change it in the infobox as well please
Paragraph 2
If there is a maxi CD of "Computer City", shouldn't it be included below in the "Track listings" section?
"Musically, "Computer City" is a technopop song, influenced by electronic music."
Add "Similarly," before "a staff editor at CD Journal labelled the songs composition as "addictive technopop"."
Critical response
Songwriting is one word
"they compliemted the song's "pop catchy" melody and its lyrical content."
I would change Amazon Japan to just Amazon since they're practically the same thing and there isn't a separate page for Amazon Japan since it's not notable enough
Each "review" for the track starts with "A reviewer from [...] was positive in their review [...] they stated..." Can you change this up a little bit? Perhaps start with the reviewer's company, then state the reviewer and then state if he/she was favorable or enjoyed the track, etc.?
Commercial performance
"group" → "group's"
What do you mean by "It lasted week"?
Again, "group" → "group's"
The last sentence seems a bit unnecessary and the source could be moved to the previous sentence
Promotion and live performances
Paragraph 1
Reword the first sentence to: ""Computer City" was used for a Japanese commercial promoting the television show Tokyo Brigade."
Move the aforementioned sentence towards the end of this section and retitle the section to "Music video and live performances" since it would be better fitted as so
Paragraph 2
"group" → "group's" because of ownership
"group" → "group's"
"group" → "group's"
Reword the last sentence to: "The song was performed on their 2009 Budoukan Tour in Japan, and eventually included on the tour's live on October 15, 2008."
Paragraph 3
"group" → "group's"
The mention of "segments" is very unnecessary unless you provide a detailed view of the tour's segments, please do some tidying up here so this section doesn't sound so repetitive
Track listing
Pluralize the section title since there are multiple formats please
Also, if you include the maxi CD you mentioned above, please add a colspan to this section to condense it
Credits and personnel
Change "parent" to the actual name of the album
What are the things mentioned in parentheses? If they are nicknames, they aren't necessary
Record label is not necessary here
Chart and sales
Pluralize title to include "Charts and sales" please
References
These all look good; great!
End of GA Review:
Another good article with some minor issues that need some attention. I will be placing it on hold so CaliforniaDreamsFan can look over my recommendations. Thanks,
Carbrera (
talk)
02:10, 17 April 2016 (UTC)reply
@
Carbrera: Done and dusted! Regarding the Music video and live performances sub-section, you might wanna re-read that bit again because I've changed it to be a bit more concise, and not repetitive. Let me know if there is anything else. Cheers,
CaliforniaDreamsFan (
talk·contribs}
03:02, 17 April 2016 (UTC)reply
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Songs, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
songs on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.SongsWikipedia:WikiProject SongsTemplate:WikiProject Songssong articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Japan, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of Japan-related articles on Wikipedia. If you would like to
participate, please visit the
project page, where you can join the project, participate in
relevant discussions, and see
lists of open tasks. Current time in Japan: 18:39, July 25, 2024 (
JST,
Reiwa 6) (Refresh)JapanWikipedia:WikiProject JapanTemplate:WikiProject JapanJapan-related articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Electronic music, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
Electronic music on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.Electronic musicWikipedia:WikiProject Electronic musicTemplate:WikiProject Electronic musicelectronic music articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Pop music, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of articles related to
pop music on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.Pop musicWikipedia:WikiProject Pop musicTemplate:WikiProject Pop musicPop music articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Women in Music, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
Women in music on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.Women in MusicWikipedia:WikiProject Women in MusicTemplate:WikiProject Women in MusicWomen in music articles
If the B-side track is called "Perfume", it must be in quotation marks
Lead
Paragraph 1
"was described as a..." → "is a..."
Paragraph 2
I would remove "from their album and their career" as it is a bit redundant
"Kazuaki Seki; it features the girls..." → "Kazuaki Seki and features the girls..."
Background and composition
Paragraph 1
Change "him" to "Nakata" in the second sentence
Yes, "Perfume" is in quotation marks here so change it in the infobox as well please
Paragraph 2
If there is a maxi CD of "Computer City", shouldn't it be included below in the "Track listings" section?
"Musically, "Computer City" is a technopop song, influenced by electronic music."
Add "Similarly," before "a staff editor at CD Journal labelled the songs composition as "addictive technopop"."
Critical response
Songwriting is one word
"they compliemted the song's "pop catchy" melody and its lyrical content."
I would change Amazon Japan to just Amazon since they're practically the same thing and there isn't a separate page for Amazon Japan since it's not notable enough
Each "review" for the track starts with "A reviewer from [...] was positive in their review [...] they stated..." Can you change this up a little bit? Perhaps start with the reviewer's company, then state the reviewer and then state if he/she was favorable or enjoyed the track, etc.?
Commercial performance
"group" → "group's"
What do you mean by "It lasted week"?
Again, "group" → "group's"
The last sentence seems a bit unnecessary and the source could be moved to the previous sentence
Promotion and live performances
Paragraph 1
Reword the first sentence to: ""Computer City" was used for a Japanese commercial promoting the television show Tokyo Brigade."
Move the aforementioned sentence towards the end of this section and retitle the section to "Music video and live performances" since it would be better fitted as so
Paragraph 2
"group" → "group's" because of ownership
"group" → "group's"
"group" → "group's"
Reword the last sentence to: "The song was performed on their 2009 Budoukan Tour in Japan, and eventually included on the tour's live on October 15, 2008."
Paragraph 3
"group" → "group's"
The mention of "segments" is very unnecessary unless you provide a detailed view of the tour's segments, please do some tidying up here so this section doesn't sound so repetitive
Track listing
Pluralize the section title since there are multiple formats please
Also, if you include the maxi CD you mentioned above, please add a colspan to this section to condense it
Credits and personnel
Change "parent" to the actual name of the album
What are the things mentioned in parentheses? If they are nicknames, they aren't necessary
Record label is not necessary here
Chart and sales
Pluralize title to include "Charts and sales" please
References
These all look good; great!
End of GA Review:
Another good article with some minor issues that need some attention. I will be placing it on hold so CaliforniaDreamsFan can look over my recommendations. Thanks,
Carbrera (
talk)
02:10, 17 April 2016 (UTC)reply
@
Carbrera: Done and dusted! Regarding the Music video and live performances sub-section, you might wanna re-read that bit again because I've changed it to be a bit more concise, and not repetitive. Let me know if there is anything else. Cheers,
CaliforniaDreamsFan (
talk·contribs}
03:02, 17 April 2016 (UTC)reply