The article was promoted by Ian Rose via FACBot ( talk) 00:37, 28 March 2016 [1].
Participation Guide | |
---|---|
Support | |
ProtoDrake (nominator), JDC808, Masem, IDV, PresN, Darkwarriorblake, Rhain | |
Comments/No vote | |
Tony1 | |
Oppose | |
The Persona series, formally marketed overseas as Shin Megami Tensei: Persona is a role-playing video game series developed by Atlus as a branch of the Megami Tensei franchise. Beginning in 1996 with the first Persona title, the series consists of six main entries, multiple spin-offs, and various media expansions including manga, anime, novels and stageplays. While a spin-off from Megami Tensei, there are very few direct plot-related connections to it, so understanding both series is not a prerequisite. All online references in this article are archived, and while the usage of images may come up at some point in this review, I deemed it necessary to use them as I did to help break up the article and demonstrate points made in the text. Plus, due to the series pre-dating the mid-2000s, GameRankings is used in the aggregate tables as per consensus on the WikiProject talk page. This title became a GA in August 2015, and was given a peer review that same month upon which I performed some copyediting. -- ProtoDrake ( talk) 21:03, 10 January 2016 (UTC) reply
Not to be nitpicky, but I think the images requiere an alt. Tintor2 ( talk) 14:54, 24 February 2016 (UTC) reply
Just parachuting in to look at the lead. Some points:
So some fine checking of the whole article would be good. Might be ok as a candidate, then. Tony (talk) 05:40, 2 February 2016 (UTC) reply
Just a note, I always do copy/editing when I review articles.
Main series
Spin-offs
Support - Just finished the last section of the article and besides the copy/editing that I've done, which was minor, I don't see anything that concerns me and makes me feel that this shouldn't be an FA. -- JDC808 ♫ 15:54, 9 February 2016 (UTC) reply
@ Masem: I'll do my best with the gameplay section, but it'll take a little time. As to the images, I removed the fourth and fifth images, did my best with the image rationale for the third image, and replaced the second image with two images demonstrating combat and Social Links. -- ProtoDrake ( talk) 20:30, 23 February 2016 (UTC) reply
The series is a spin-off from Atlus' Megami Tensei franchise.- this sentence is quite short and feels sort of choppy. Maybe it can be merged with
Persona began as a spin-off based on the high school setting of Shin Megami Tensei if...., perhaps something like
Persona is as a spin-off from Atlus' Megami Tensei franchise, and was originally based on the high school setting of Shin Megami Tensei if....?
There have since been eight further console titles (four main entries and four console spin-off titles)- we've already established that the eight games being discussed are for consoles, so it's not necessary to say that the spin-offs are on consoles.
The game was later ported to the PlayStation Portable (PSP): it released in 2009 in Japan and North America, and 2010 in Europe as a digital release.Might want to clarify that it was available both physically and digitally in Japan and North America - this could be read as being a digital-only release in all regions.
Released in Japan in 2012, it was not released in the west.The West is written with a capital W. This is something that needs to be fixed at multiple points in the article. Also, I don't know, something about this sentence is sort of weird. I'd change it to something like "It was released in Japan in 2012, but was not released in the West".
A director's cut featuring new content and an epilogue, Persona 3 FES,- almost makes it look like P3FES were the epilogue. Maybe something like
Persona 3 FES, a director's cut featuring new content and an epilogue,would work?
The success of Persona 3 Portable inspired the team- maybe I'm being nitpicky here, but we haven't mentioned any team yet. Perhaps "the development team" or "the developers"?
Originally scheduled for release in late 2015, it is currently scheduled for a 2016 release- Unsure if the delay is important enough to be mentioned in the series article.
a new free-to-play browser game titled Persona Ain Soph,[Jp. 2] was released that year;- the comma isn't needed. Link free-to-play.
A fighting game sequel to Persona 4, Persona 4 Arena, was released in arcades in Japan in 2012.- might want to link arcades to arcade game or amusement arcade.
Their first partnership was in 2006 with the development and release of Megami Ibunroku Persona: Chapter of the Foreign Tower of Emptiness,[Jp. 3] a 3D dungeon crawler set within the environments of Persona.Since the series is also called Persona, it might be good to specify that this is specifically about the first game.
The gameplay of the Persona series revolves around combat against various enemy types (Demons, Shadows, Personas)- I'd prefer something like
various enemy types: Demons, Shadows, and Personas.
Persona 5 introduces elements such as platforming and stealth gameplay to dungeon exploration.- Link platform game and stealth game.
manifestations of a person's inner psyche.- I'm not a psychologist or anything, but is there such a thing as an outer psyche? Would just psyche work?
Personas are used for types of physical attack and most magical attacks,- this sounds kind of confusing. How about
Personas can be used for both physical and magical attacks,
For all Persona games, all characters start out with an initial Persona,- All playable characters. Most NPCs don't have Personas.
Two (later up to twelve) Personas- I think I know what you're referring to (more complex fusions being unlocked by Igor later in the game), but this is not all that clear. I could read it as "in the first games, you could fuse two Personas, but by P4 you could fuse twelve", which probably (?) isn't what you meant. I suggest changing it to
Multiple Personas.
which acts as an independent level system tied to a Persona family or Arcanum.- Not really clear what this means.
such as their academic abilities, social aptitude.- and their social aptitude.
, set in the year 1996 CE- Is this necessary? There's not really any room for confusion with 1996 BC.
Halfway through the scriptwriting for Innocent Sin, it was decided that the world needed a new perspective to that of the current protagonist.Maybe my English just isn't up to snuff, but I don't understand this sentence.
Persona 3 had a dark atmosphere and serious characters- Persona 3 has a dark atmosphere [...]. Same for the P4 example.
the localizations for the Persona series are generally handled by Yu Namba and Nich Maragos of Atlus USA,- Maragos works at Nintendo of America now, not Atlus USA ( source for him moving to NoA). Might want to make some changes or additions based on this.
the team incorporated as much of the original Japanese content as possible,
As far as possible, they incorporate Japanese elements unless they would not be understood by the view,- a bit repetitive. Also, I don't understand what "by the view" means.
It is planned to follow this localization approach for Persona 5.- Again, my English isn't perfect, but to me it would sound more natural to say "This localization approach is also planned to be used for Persona 5".
The first Persona was referred to at the time as a sleeper hit, and the success of it and Eternal Punishment helped establish both Atlus and Megami Tensei in the west.- These two titles were not released in Europe. Is the claim still correct, or should it say "in North America"?
Persona 4 has in turn been examined by multiple sites over its portrayal of sexuality, particularly homosexuality and gender identity.- add a comma after "homosexuality" - as it is, it looks like gender identity is a sexuality.
It was animated by A-1 Pictures, directed by Jun Matsumoto, with character designs by Soejima and Yuriko Ishii, Persona designs by Nobuhiko Genma, written by a team that included Yasuyuki Muto, Shogo Yasukawa, and Shinsuke Onishi, and music composed by Taku Iwasaki.- This doesn't really work. It was animated, directed, and written. "With character designs" and "and music composed by" don't really fit in with those - they should be added at the end, perhaps something like ", and features character designs by XYZ and music by ABC".
In 2014, a second series based on Persona 4 Golden,- The first P4 anime wasn't based on Golden. You'll have to rewrite to make this clear.
focusing the protagonist's encounters with new character Marie.- add "on" after "focusing" and "the" after "with".
The first Persona 4 seriesPersona 4 anime series
Persona 4: The Animation -The Factor of Hope-- We don't style Japanese titles like this (see MOS:JAPAN#Subtitles). Change to "Persona 4: The Animation - The Factor of Hope".
have been produced under the banner titled Persona 3 the Weird Masquerade- should this be something like "under the banner Persona 3: The Weird Masquerade"?
both produced by Marvelous AQL receiving limited runs in 2012add "and" after "Marvelous AQL".
I think that is all. Sorry, this got way longer than I thought it would.-- IDV talk 21:30, 13 March 2016 (UTC) reply
Reviewing... -- Pres N 18:12, 13 March 2016 (UTC) reply
Looks like this still needs a source review for formatting/reliability -- you can leave a request at the top of WT:FAC. Cheers, Ian Rose ( talk) 06:35, 26 March 2016 (UTC) reply
As the original GA reviewer, I support the prose, and approve of all changes made since my review. I'll be taking a look at the sources. I went through with Checklinks. It's strange that it picks up on the Gpara.com references as dead, whereas they all work fine for me. It picked up on a few other faults, but they're all archived in the article anyway. I did a manual check, and my only suggestion is to link 4Gamer.net (refs 34, 49, 142). I really had a thorough look here, and I wish I had more to talk about, but that's honestly as nit-picky as I can get (although, of course, I'm not surprised). With that said, I'm happy to support on sources. – Rhain ☔ 07:41, 26 March 2016 (UTC) reply
Another thing: File:Persona 3 AD.jpg has no rationale to be used on this article (or on Megami Tensei, for that matter). I approve of its usage within the article, but the lack of rationale should be addressed. – Rhain ☔ 07:49, 26 March 2016 (UTC) reply
|Article=
, like
here. –
Rhain
☔ 09:52, 26 March 2016 (UTC
The article was promoted by Ian Rose via FACBot ( talk) 00:37, 28 March 2016 [1].
Participation Guide | |
---|---|
Support | |
ProtoDrake (nominator), JDC808, Masem, IDV, PresN, Darkwarriorblake, Rhain | |
Comments/No vote | |
Tony1 | |
Oppose | |
The Persona series, formally marketed overseas as Shin Megami Tensei: Persona is a role-playing video game series developed by Atlus as a branch of the Megami Tensei franchise. Beginning in 1996 with the first Persona title, the series consists of six main entries, multiple spin-offs, and various media expansions including manga, anime, novels and stageplays. While a spin-off from Megami Tensei, there are very few direct plot-related connections to it, so understanding both series is not a prerequisite. All online references in this article are archived, and while the usage of images may come up at some point in this review, I deemed it necessary to use them as I did to help break up the article and demonstrate points made in the text. Plus, due to the series pre-dating the mid-2000s, GameRankings is used in the aggregate tables as per consensus on the WikiProject talk page. This title became a GA in August 2015, and was given a peer review that same month upon which I performed some copyediting. -- ProtoDrake ( talk) 21:03, 10 January 2016 (UTC) reply
Not to be nitpicky, but I think the images requiere an alt. Tintor2 ( talk) 14:54, 24 February 2016 (UTC) reply
Just parachuting in to look at the lead. Some points:
So some fine checking of the whole article would be good. Might be ok as a candidate, then. Tony (talk) 05:40, 2 February 2016 (UTC) reply
Just a note, I always do copy/editing when I review articles.
Main series
Spin-offs
Support - Just finished the last section of the article and besides the copy/editing that I've done, which was minor, I don't see anything that concerns me and makes me feel that this shouldn't be an FA. -- JDC808 ♫ 15:54, 9 February 2016 (UTC) reply
@ Masem: I'll do my best with the gameplay section, but it'll take a little time. As to the images, I removed the fourth and fifth images, did my best with the image rationale for the third image, and replaced the second image with two images demonstrating combat and Social Links. -- ProtoDrake ( talk) 20:30, 23 February 2016 (UTC) reply
The series is a spin-off from Atlus' Megami Tensei franchise.- this sentence is quite short and feels sort of choppy. Maybe it can be merged with
Persona began as a spin-off based on the high school setting of Shin Megami Tensei if...., perhaps something like
Persona is as a spin-off from Atlus' Megami Tensei franchise, and was originally based on the high school setting of Shin Megami Tensei if....?
There have since been eight further console titles (four main entries and four console spin-off titles)- we've already established that the eight games being discussed are for consoles, so it's not necessary to say that the spin-offs are on consoles.
The game was later ported to the PlayStation Portable (PSP): it released in 2009 in Japan and North America, and 2010 in Europe as a digital release.Might want to clarify that it was available both physically and digitally in Japan and North America - this could be read as being a digital-only release in all regions.
Released in Japan in 2012, it was not released in the west.The West is written with a capital W. This is something that needs to be fixed at multiple points in the article. Also, I don't know, something about this sentence is sort of weird. I'd change it to something like "It was released in Japan in 2012, but was not released in the West".
A director's cut featuring new content and an epilogue, Persona 3 FES,- almost makes it look like P3FES were the epilogue. Maybe something like
Persona 3 FES, a director's cut featuring new content and an epilogue,would work?
The success of Persona 3 Portable inspired the team- maybe I'm being nitpicky here, but we haven't mentioned any team yet. Perhaps "the development team" or "the developers"?
Originally scheduled for release in late 2015, it is currently scheduled for a 2016 release- Unsure if the delay is important enough to be mentioned in the series article.
a new free-to-play browser game titled Persona Ain Soph,[Jp. 2] was released that year;- the comma isn't needed. Link free-to-play.
A fighting game sequel to Persona 4, Persona 4 Arena, was released in arcades in Japan in 2012.- might want to link arcades to arcade game or amusement arcade.
Their first partnership was in 2006 with the development and release of Megami Ibunroku Persona: Chapter of the Foreign Tower of Emptiness,[Jp. 3] a 3D dungeon crawler set within the environments of Persona.Since the series is also called Persona, it might be good to specify that this is specifically about the first game.
The gameplay of the Persona series revolves around combat against various enemy types (Demons, Shadows, Personas)- I'd prefer something like
various enemy types: Demons, Shadows, and Personas.
Persona 5 introduces elements such as platforming and stealth gameplay to dungeon exploration.- Link platform game and stealth game.
manifestations of a person's inner psyche.- I'm not a psychologist or anything, but is there such a thing as an outer psyche? Would just psyche work?
Personas are used for types of physical attack and most magical attacks,- this sounds kind of confusing. How about
Personas can be used for both physical and magical attacks,
For all Persona games, all characters start out with an initial Persona,- All playable characters. Most NPCs don't have Personas.
Two (later up to twelve) Personas- I think I know what you're referring to (more complex fusions being unlocked by Igor later in the game), but this is not all that clear. I could read it as "in the first games, you could fuse two Personas, but by P4 you could fuse twelve", which probably (?) isn't what you meant. I suggest changing it to
Multiple Personas.
which acts as an independent level system tied to a Persona family or Arcanum.- Not really clear what this means.
such as their academic abilities, social aptitude.- and their social aptitude.
, set in the year 1996 CE- Is this necessary? There's not really any room for confusion with 1996 BC.
Halfway through the scriptwriting for Innocent Sin, it was decided that the world needed a new perspective to that of the current protagonist.Maybe my English just isn't up to snuff, but I don't understand this sentence.
Persona 3 had a dark atmosphere and serious characters- Persona 3 has a dark atmosphere [...]. Same for the P4 example.
the localizations for the Persona series are generally handled by Yu Namba and Nich Maragos of Atlus USA,- Maragos works at Nintendo of America now, not Atlus USA ( source for him moving to NoA). Might want to make some changes or additions based on this.
the team incorporated as much of the original Japanese content as possible,
As far as possible, they incorporate Japanese elements unless they would not be understood by the view,- a bit repetitive. Also, I don't understand what "by the view" means.
It is planned to follow this localization approach for Persona 5.- Again, my English isn't perfect, but to me it would sound more natural to say "This localization approach is also planned to be used for Persona 5".
The first Persona was referred to at the time as a sleeper hit, and the success of it and Eternal Punishment helped establish both Atlus and Megami Tensei in the west.- These two titles were not released in Europe. Is the claim still correct, or should it say "in North America"?
Persona 4 has in turn been examined by multiple sites over its portrayal of sexuality, particularly homosexuality and gender identity.- add a comma after "homosexuality" - as it is, it looks like gender identity is a sexuality.
It was animated by A-1 Pictures, directed by Jun Matsumoto, with character designs by Soejima and Yuriko Ishii, Persona designs by Nobuhiko Genma, written by a team that included Yasuyuki Muto, Shogo Yasukawa, and Shinsuke Onishi, and music composed by Taku Iwasaki.- This doesn't really work. It was animated, directed, and written. "With character designs" and "and music composed by" don't really fit in with those - they should be added at the end, perhaps something like ", and features character designs by XYZ and music by ABC".
In 2014, a second series based on Persona 4 Golden,- The first P4 anime wasn't based on Golden. You'll have to rewrite to make this clear.
focusing the protagonist's encounters with new character Marie.- add "on" after "focusing" and "the" after "with".
The first Persona 4 seriesPersona 4 anime series
Persona 4: The Animation -The Factor of Hope-- We don't style Japanese titles like this (see MOS:JAPAN#Subtitles). Change to "Persona 4: The Animation - The Factor of Hope".
have been produced under the banner titled Persona 3 the Weird Masquerade- should this be something like "under the banner Persona 3: The Weird Masquerade"?
both produced by Marvelous AQL receiving limited runs in 2012add "and" after "Marvelous AQL".
I think that is all. Sorry, this got way longer than I thought it would.-- IDV talk 21:30, 13 March 2016 (UTC) reply
Reviewing... -- Pres N 18:12, 13 March 2016 (UTC) reply
Looks like this still needs a source review for formatting/reliability -- you can leave a request at the top of WT:FAC. Cheers, Ian Rose ( talk) 06:35, 26 March 2016 (UTC) reply
As the original GA reviewer, I support the prose, and approve of all changes made since my review. I'll be taking a look at the sources. I went through with Checklinks. It's strange that it picks up on the Gpara.com references as dead, whereas they all work fine for me. It picked up on a few other faults, but they're all archived in the article anyway. I did a manual check, and my only suggestion is to link 4Gamer.net (refs 34, 49, 142). I really had a thorough look here, and I wish I had more to talk about, but that's honestly as nit-picky as I can get (although, of course, I'm not surprised). With that said, I'm happy to support on sources. – Rhain ☔ 07:41, 26 March 2016 (UTC) reply
Another thing: File:Persona 3 AD.jpg has no rationale to be used on this article (or on Megami Tensei, for that matter). I approve of its usage within the article, but the lack of rationale should be addressed. – Rhain ☔ 07:49, 26 March 2016 (UTC) reply
|Article=
, like
here. –
Rhain
☔ 09:52, 26 March 2016 (UTC