The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
This article continues my series on Kresta II-class cruisers. Admiral Oktyabrsky served with the Pacific Fleet for a fairly undistinguished twenty years. The article passed a GAN several months ago, and I have updated with the suggestions from the review on Admiral Isakov.
Kges1901 (
talk)
18:13, 9 September 2018 (UTC)reply
Support Comments
underwent a lengthy refit between 1982 and 1986, being sent to the Persian Gulf in 1990 Needs a transitional word after 1986, instead of "being". Something like "and was then"
Added 'before'.
before the ships began to be built, commander-in-chief of the Soviet Navy Admiral Sergey Gorshkov changed Might be better phrased as "before the ships began to be built, Admiral Sergey Gorshkov, commander-in-chief of the Soviet Navy, changed" with links to commander in chief and Admiral
Done
As a Kresta II-class cruiser, Admiral Oktyabrsky Reads oddly to me. Either rework it as a class description "The Kresta II-class cruisers were..." or particularize it to the ship as "Admiral Oktyabrsky was..." I generally do the description as a class thing as it's easier when you intend to do all the ships in the class, and then just mention any specific info related to the individual ship, which might be speed during sea trials or whatever. But that's just me and definitely not a requirement.
Done the first option.
1,754.86 nmi (3,250.00 km; 2,019.46 mi) Round to the nearest whole number.
Done
two RBU-6000 12-barrel and two RBU-1000 6-barrel Having all the digits in close conjunction might be confusing. Suggest moving the barrel count in front of the designation.
Done
early warning air search radar hyphenate early warning. Air search is kinda redundant because all early-warning radars are air search by their nature.
Done
For anti-submarine warfare she had improved "an" improved
Done
hyphenate hull-mounted
Done
named for Soviet World War II "the" Soviet
Done
Add a link for Captain 2nd Rank, General Secretary, etc., Defense Minister
Done.
You need to watch more carefully for missing articles like "the" and "a". I added a couple to the 1970s paragraph. But some are still needed here: destroyer Sposobny, frigate Razyashchiy
Done
Move the link for sister ship to the first use and you needn't use the full term after the first use. And add "her" to sister or sister ship when using either term.
Done
I'd recommend adding the country and linking to it when referring to obscure cities like Berbera and Aden
Done, partially, but I'd rather not link country per
WP:OVERLINK as the existence of Somalia and Yemen is now well known due to recent events.
as the Construction section is very small, I suggest combining it with the career section, in a manner similar to how it is presented in
French battleship Courbet (1911)
Done
Brigade of the fleet's -- "Brigade of the Pacific Fleet's" (and move link to here)
Done
she discovered seven United States --> "she detected seven United States"?
Done
Between August 1990 and February 1991 she operated in the Persian Gulf during the Gulf War: is it possible to expand upon what the ship did during its deployment?
Regrettably, there is no information on this in my sources.
Is there anything about the generic position of the Soviet Union WRT the conflict? I guess, my concern here is that this is the closest the ship came to war service so it seems pretty important to provide some context. Regards,
AustralianRupert (
talk)
04:07, 9 November 2018 (UTC)reply
Many thanks Rupert. Unfortunately I cannot expand on this further as Muraviev's sources are offline, and I do not think I can obtain them in America. What I have found on the runet about Admiral Oktyabrsky's service in the Gulf sheds no light on why she was there. I have added context and the citation.
Kges1901 (
talk)
00:10, 10 November 2018 (UTC)reply
to the Russian Navy, though her career...: suggest splitting this sentence after "Navy"
Done
in the Bibliography, the title of the Gardiner work should have an endash
Done
CommentsSupport by PM
link Soviet Navy at first mention in the body
Done
link beam and draught
Done
the length and beam conversions don't match between the body and infobox
Fixed
suggest amending the infobox to read 2 × shafts and 2 × steam turbines on separate lines if you prefer, as 2 × shaft steam turbines doesn't gel
Done
in general provide measurements in full first in the body, shaft horsepower instead of shp and nautical miles instead of nmi, as you have done with knots and kn
Done
worth mentioning that the RBUs were anti-submarine rocket launchers
Done
suggest "search for and destruction of"
Done
the twin AK-725s were dual purpose, so were for surface and aerial threats
Done
vary "She also mounted two quintuple mountings" had?
Done
I think in each para you can state "NATO code name" for the first item, but drop it after that and just use the code name.
I'd rather preserve the original designation in these cases.
suggest "She mounted two Grom
fire-control systems for the SA-N-1 and two MR-103 Bars systems for the AK-725s."
Corrected. SA-N-1 was a typo.
link ship commissioning
Done
what are state tests? Are they like sea trials? link?
Indeed, same thing. Have rephrased to be more familiar.
is there any independent verification that she detected seven US subs during Piton? If not, perhaps it should be mentioned as a claim rather than in Wikipedia's voice?
No, have rephrased.
is there an isbn or similar identifier for Berezhnoy?
Added OCLC. This is an appendix to a modelling magazine so there does not appear to be an ISSN or anything.
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
This article continues my series on Kresta II-class cruisers. Admiral Oktyabrsky served with the Pacific Fleet for a fairly undistinguished twenty years. The article passed a GAN several months ago, and I have updated with the suggestions from the review on Admiral Isakov.
Kges1901 (
talk)
18:13, 9 September 2018 (UTC)reply
Support Comments
underwent a lengthy refit between 1982 and 1986, being sent to the Persian Gulf in 1990 Needs a transitional word after 1986, instead of "being". Something like "and was then"
Added 'before'.
before the ships began to be built, commander-in-chief of the Soviet Navy Admiral Sergey Gorshkov changed Might be better phrased as "before the ships began to be built, Admiral Sergey Gorshkov, commander-in-chief of the Soviet Navy, changed" with links to commander in chief and Admiral
Done
As a Kresta II-class cruiser, Admiral Oktyabrsky Reads oddly to me. Either rework it as a class description "The Kresta II-class cruisers were..." or particularize it to the ship as "Admiral Oktyabrsky was..." I generally do the description as a class thing as it's easier when you intend to do all the ships in the class, and then just mention any specific info related to the individual ship, which might be speed during sea trials or whatever. But that's just me and definitely not a requirement.
Done the first option.
1,754.86 nmi (3,250.00 km; 2,019.46 mi) Round to the nearest whole number.
Done
two RBU-6000 12-barrel and two RBU-1000 6-barrel Having all the digits in close conjunction might be confusing. Suggest moving the barrel count in front of the designation.
Done
early warning air search radar hyphenate early warning. Air search is kinda redundant because all early-warning radars are air search by their nature.
Done
For anti-submarine warfare she had improved "an" improved
Done
hyphenate hull-mounted
Done
named for Soviet World War II "the" Soviet
Done
Add a link for Captain 2nd Rank, General Secretary, etc., Defense Minister
Done.
You need to watch more carefully for missing articles like "the" and "a". I added a couple to the 1970s paragraph. But some are still needed here: destroyer Sposobny, frigate Razyashchiy
Done
Move the link for sister ship to the first use and you needn't use the full term after the first use. And add "her" to sister or sister ship when using either term.
Done
I'd recommend adding the country and linking to it when referring to obscure cities like Berbera and Aden
Done, partially, but I'd rather not link country per
WP:OVERLINK as the existence of Somalia and Yemen is now well known due to recent events.
as the Construction section is very small, I suggest combining it with the career section, in a manner similar to how it is presented in
French battleship Courbet (1911)
Done
Brigade of the fleet's -- "Brigade of the Pacific Fleet's" (and move link to here)
Done
she discovered seven United States --> "she detected seven United States"?
Done
Between August 1990 and February 1991 she operated in the Persian Gulf during the Gulf War: is it possible to expand upon what the ship did during its deployment?
Regrettably, there is no information on this in my sources.
Is there anything about the generic position of the Soviet Union WRT the conflict? I guess, my concern here is that this is the closest the ship came to war service so it seems pretty important to provide some context. Regards,
AustralianRupert (
talk)
04:07, 9 November 2018 (UTC)reply
Many thanks Rupert. Unfortunately I cannot expand on this further as Muraviev's sources are offline, and I do not think I can obtain them in America. What I have found on the runet about Admiral Oktyabrsky's service in the Gulf sheds no light on why she was there. I have added context and the citation.
Kges1901 (
talk)
00:10, 10 November 2018 (UTC)reply
to the Russian Navy, though her career...: suggest splitting this sentence after "Navy"
Done
in the Bibliography, the title of the Gardiner work should have an endash
Done
CommentsSupport by PM
link Soviet Navy at first mention in the body
Done
link beam and draught
Done
the length and beam conversions don't match between the body and infobox
Fixed
suggest amending the infobox to read 2 × shafts and 2 × steam turbines on separate lines if you prefer, as 2 × shaft steam turbines doesn't gel
Done
in general provide measurements in full first in the body, shaft horsepower instead of shp and nautical miles instead of nmi, as you have done with knots and kn
Done
worth mentioning that the RBUs were anti-submarine rocket launchers
Done
suggest "search for and destruction of"
Done
the twin AK-725s were dual purpose, so were for surface and aerial threats
Done
vary "She also mounted two quintuple mountings" had?
Done
I think in each para you can state "NATO code name" for the first item, but drop it after that and just use the code name.
I'd rather preserve the original designation in these cases.
suggest "She mounted two Grom
fire-control systems for the SA-N-1 and two MR-103 Bars systems for the AK-725s."
Corrected. SA-N-1 was a typo.
link ship commissioning
Done
what are state tests? Are they like sea trials? link?
Indeed, same thing. Have rephrased to be more familiar.
is there any independent verification that she detected seven US subs during Piton? If not, perhaps it should be mentioned as a claim rather than in Wikipedia's voice?
No, have rephrased.
is there an isbn or similar identifier for Berezhnoy?
Added OCLC. This is an appendix to a modelling magazine so there does not appear to be an ISSN or anything.
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.