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I've listed this article for peer review because it is a new article, and I would like to make sure it is up to Good Article quality. I hope to add a few scenic photos of the area in October.
Thanks, TwoScars ( talk) 12:32, 28 July 2016 (UTC)
Just a few comments at the moment. I'll come back to this review over the weekend...
Caeciliusinhorto ( talk) 21:43, 28 July 2016 (UTC)
Comments
Comments from Iazyges Perhaps for the map in the Raleigh section, a legend should be added, the only shown distance is that wytheville and dublin are 25 miles from each other. Other than that, very good article Iazyges ( talk) 19:48, 7 August 2016 (UTC)
"undersized" Should provide the number of troops there were, and how many there should have been for it to have been full sized. "Toland's brigade consisted of cavalry and mounted infantry." I could be wrong but those sound like the same thing. "hastily made preparations before the brigade's arrival. " What kind of preparations? Stocking up food? Moving into positions? Noticing a severe lack of consistency with horsemen, mounted soldiers and cavalry. Picking one would be preferable. "homes and businesses." perhaps it should be "Their homes and businesses". "One Union soldier described the street that led into Wytheville as "an avenue of death".[1]" Do we know who? "the Union commander, Colonel John T. Toland" an article about him would be good, after all there is a picture of him on wikimedia. "Approximately 300 horses died (including an estimated 80 killed on the streets of Wytheville), or became unable to travel, during the raid and retreat." How many horses on each side? Unable to travel is a weird way of putting it, perhaps, wounded or else crippled? " Despite significant losses, the Union brigade was eventually able to secure the town." Perhaps able to secure if for a short time, considering how they were driven out within a day? "and a salt mine." Woah woah woah, where did that come from? the rest of the three things are a good restatement of what was at stake that i think is good for the article, but the salt mine wasn't mentioned before. "After the conflict, Union infantry leaders were critical of the Union cavalry's performance, and men from the cavalry were critical of the infantry leadership's tactics." Super vague. "The mine was the source for a significant portion, estimated to be about one third, of the lead used by the Confederacy to produce bullets for its armies.[8]" That should most definitely be in the lead section. "Supplies for the Confederate Army were often stored nearby." Needs expansion. "Thus, the pro-Confederate town had a strategic significance during the American Civil War—and was a target throughout the war." The "Pro-confederate" part should perhaps be removed, it adds nothing. "The army outpost was at the community named Saltville, which was the home of a salt mine" ok now it introduces the salt mine, even though the lead section talks about it as if it was part of Wytheville. "Salt ... and was also used (at the time) to preserve meat." Perhaps it could be made into salt is used to preserve meat, which was more crucial before the invention of refrigeration. "Salt was not widely available during the Civil War, and eight Confederate states used salt from this mine." Only eight? Which ones? Seems odd to mention this without expanding on it. "The depot was renamed Dublin Depot a short time before the beginning of the Civil War, but is often labeled New Bern on maps from the early 1860s.[16]" Why was it renamed? "Their secret orders," What makes them secret? Did only the officers know? Needs elaboration. "but did not always have the Asian-style baggy pants with open jackets typical of zouave units.[22]" Elaborate. "a two-company detachment from the 1st West Virginia Cavalry joined the brigade and brought supplies" What kind? " The detachment's leader, Captain George W. Gilmore, also brought orders from General E. P. Scammon that clarified the brigade's mission." Wait so were the instructions actually secret? or were the men confused? "Thus, the brigade continued with 441 mounted infantry men, 298 men from the 2nd West Virginia Cavalry, and 79 men from the 1st West Virginia Cavalry.[33]" Perhaps the number of those who were sent home? "A small force led by Lieutenant Jeremiah Davidson surprised the rebels, capturing them without firing a shot" How small? " was sent forward to the top of Tug Ridge." What is tug ridge? Obviously some kind of hill, but no backstory. "Weapons and supplies were destroyed." What kind? How much? "150 mounted Confederate soldiers" Again with the inconsistency. How many3? "(Ironically, the company that ran the mine was named Union Lead Mining Company.)" I really dont think this should be here, but that may be personal bias against puns. " the town of Wytheville of the approaching Union horsemen." inconsistent with cavalry. "Bowyer's after action report, led the panicked locals" Needs elaboration. "The depot is about 0.75 miles (1.2 km) south of the town." Is or was? does anyone know if it is still there? "Colonel Powell requested that Colonel Toland have the infantry dismount" Ok now i get it, mounted infantry ride horses but fight on foot, that could better be explained in the lead section where both are mentioned. "Powell also suggested that if the cavalry were to charge, the men should be deployed “to right and left” instead of a straight ahead charge.[55] Powell’s suggestion was "characteristically disregarded" and strongly rejected.[Note 11]" By who? Also redundant. End of constructive criticism. Iazyges ( talk) 03:43, 10 August 2016 (UTC) @ TwoScars:
Comments. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. (I didn't do a lot.) Feel free to bring this to Milhist's A-class review after GAN. - Dank ( push to talk) 20:43, 22 August 2016 (UTC)
Query: @ TwoScars: G'day, just wondering if you would like this review to be archived, given that it appears to have been several months with no further comments? The bot that usually does most of the work is currently down, but I believe I can do the work manually. Please let me know your intentions. Regards, AustralianRupert ( talk) 05:15, 4 January 2017 (UTC)
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![]() | This peer review discussion has been closed. |
I've listed this article for peer review because it is a new article, and I would like to make sure it is up to Good Article quality. I hope to add a few scenic photos of the area in October.
Thanks, TwoScars ( talk) 12:32, 28 July 2016 (UTC)
Just a few comments at the moment. I'll come back to this review over the weekend...
Caeciliusinhorto ( talk) 21:43, 28 July 2016 (UTC)
Comments
Comments from Iazyges Perhaps for the map in the Raleigh section, a legend should be added, the only shown distance is that wytheville and dublin are 25 miles from each other. Other than that, very good article Iazyges ( talk) 19:48, 7 August 2016 (UTC)
"undersized" Should provide the number of troops there were, and how many there should have been for it to have been full sized. "Toland's brigade consisted of cavalry and mounted infantry." I could be wrong but those sound like the same thing. "hastily made preparations before the brigade's arrival. " What kind of preparations? Stocking up food? Moving into positions? Noticing a severe lack of consistency with horsemen, mounted soldiers and cavalry. Picking one would be preferable. "homes and businesses." perhaps it should be "Their homes and businesses". "One Union soldier described the street that led into Wytheville as "an avenue of death".[1]" Do we know who? "the Union commander, Colonel John T. Toland" an article about him would be good, after all there is a picture of him on wikimedia. "Approximately 300 horses died (including an estimated 80 killed on the streets of Wytheville), or became unable to travel, during the raid and retreat." How many horses on each side? Unable to travel is a weird way of putting it, perhaps, wounded or else crippled? " Despite significant losses, the Union brigade was eventually able to secure the town." Perhaps able to secure if for a short time, considering how they were driven out within a day? "and a salt mine." Woah woah woah, where did that come from? the rest of the three things are a good restatement of what was at stake that i think is good for the article, but the salt mine wasn't mentioned before. "After the conflict, Union infantry leaders were critical of the Union cavalry's performance, and men from the cavalry were critical of the infantry leadership's tactics." Super vague. "The mine was the source for a significant portion, estimated to be about one third, of the lead used by the Confederacy to produce bullets for its armies.[8]" That should most definitely be in the lead section. "Supplies for the Confederate Army were often stored nearby." Needs expansion. "Thus, the pro-Confederate town had a strategic significance during the American Civil War—and was a target throughout the war." The "Pro-confederate" part should perhaps be removed, it adds nothing. "The army outpost was at the community named Saltville, which was the home of a salt mine" ok now it introduces the salt mine, even though the lead section talks about it as if it was part of Wytheville. "Salt ... and was also used (at the time) to preserve meat." Perhaps it could be made into salt is used to preserve meat, which was more crucial before the invention of refrigeration. "Salt was not widely available during the Civil War, and eight Confederate states used salt from this mine." Only eight? Which ones? Seems odd to mention this without expanding on it. "The depot was renamed Dublin Depot a short time before the beginning of the Civil War, but is often labeled New Bern on maps from the early 1860s.[16]" Why was it renamed? "Their secret orders," What makes them secret? Did only the officers know? Needs elaboration. "but did not always have the Asian-style baggy pants with open jackets typical of zouave units.[22]" Elaborate. "a two-company detachment from the 1st West Virginia Cavalry joined the brigade and brought supplies" What kind? " The detachment's leader, Captain George W. Gilmore, also brought orders from General E. P. Scammon that clarified the brigade's mission." Wait so were the instructions actually secret? or were the men confused? "Thus, the brigade continued with 441 mounted infantry men, 298 men from the 2nd West Virginia Cavalry, and 79 men from the 1st West Virginia Cavalry.[33]" Perhaps the number of those who were sent home? "A small force led by Lieutenant Jeremiah Davidson surprised the rebels, capturing them without firing a shot" How small? " was sent forward to the top of Tug Ridge." What is tug ridge? Obviously some kind of hill, but no backstory. "Weapons and supplies were destroyed." What kind? How much? "150 mounted Confederate soldiers" Again with the inconsistency. How many3? "(Ironically, the company that ran the mine was named Union Lead Mining Company.)" I really dont think this should be here, but that may be personal bias against puns. " the town of Wytheville of the approaching Union horsemen." inconsistent with cavalry. "Bowyer's after action report, led the panicked locals" Needs elaboration. "The depot is about 0.75 miles (1.2 km) south of the town." Is or was? does anyone know if it is still there? "Colonel Powell requested that Colonel Toland have the infantry dismount" Ok now i get it, mounted infantry ride horses but fight on foot, that could better be explained in the lead section where both are mentioned. "Powell also suggested that if the cavalry were to charge, the men should be deployed “to right and left” instead of a straight ahead charge.[55] Powell’s suggestion was "characteristically disregarded" and strongly rejected.[Note 11]" By who? Also redundant. End of constructive criticism. Iazyges ( talk) 03:43, 10 August 2016 (UTC) @ TwoScars:
Comments. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. (I didn't do a lot.) Feel free to bring this to Milhist's A-class review after GAN. - Dank ( push to talk) 20:43, 22 August 2016 (UTC)
Query: @ TwoScars: G'day, just wondering if you would like this review to be archived, given that it appears to have been several months with no further comments? The bot that usually does most of the work is currently down, but I believe I can do the work manually. Please let me know your intentions. Regards, AustralianRupert ( talk) 05:15, 4 January 2017 (UTC)