The result was: promoted by
97198 (
talk) 04:30, 6 August 2022 (UTC)
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When he returned to the States, Mr. Wong enrolled at UC Berkeley, pursuing bachelor and doctoral degrees in zoology.and Batti, Renee (8 May 2014). "The beat goes on: An appreciation of Dr. Wong". The Almanac Online. Retrieved 6 July 2022.
...during his career he wrote notes for more than 600 jazz recordings...
...he famously booked the Duke Ellington Orchestra to perform for Berkeley school children in 1969, Wong paid the band out of his own pocket, because the school district wouldn't fund their appearance.
Created by Vladimir.copic ( talk). Self-nominated at 05:28, 6 July 2022 (UTC).
not an improvement IMO. There is mention in the article of his science books and some awards he has won but he is best known (as reflected in all sources) for his work with jazz music. It would be WP:UNDUE to focus too heavily on his educational career. I am also reluctant to pull too much from the Profile in Excellence source as it's pretty much a self published book by a local Chinese society that makes a number of conspicuous errors not least getting the name of his flagship radio show wrong and claiming his MA was from UC Berkeley (it was from SJSU). A similar - but more boring - hook is below. The theme is the same, a guy with an unrelated day job/training made a big contribution to jazz music and its promotion.
Okay, if you think the source in question is a tad ropey, that's different. It just seemed to me to be very odd to completely fail to mention what was reportedly a pretty important part of his career. And yes, I understand that he is principally notable for his contribution to the world of jazz, but the problem was that there was no mention of what he actually taught in the various educational facilities - people don't always teach in their field of formal study, and a reader might be forgiven for assuming that he was giving lectures in jazz, for example.
Having said that, the issue I originally raised has been addressed, so that is resolved. There is another issue however - both the hook and article state that he wrote the liner notes for some 600 jazz albums, but the sole source provided gives Wong himself as the source of this number. While it's very likely accurate, Wong doesn't count as an independent source for his own career achievements, so it would be more appropriate to say something like "by his own account" or some such. Gatoclass ( talk) 13:59, 7 July 2022 (UTC)
Oh, I see above that I struck the "trained zoologist" hook again - I meant to leave that to a later edit as my previous post was already rather long. Since it's done now though, I'll explain my reasoning on that since you reverted earlier. Firstly, "trained" is redundant. A zoologist is just a zoologist, one doesn't have to say they are "trained" as one, any more than one says "trained doctor" or "trained policeman". Also, adding "trained" implies that the person in question only trained as such and never actually worked in the field, which is not the case here. Hopefully you will now concur, my apologies for the mix-up. Gatoclass ( talk) 14:17, 7 July 2022 (UTC)
@ Vladimir.copic:: Sound good? Can we move this along now? Personally I do prefer the 600+ jazz albums hooks, and I like zoologist over school teacher (and possibly even ornithologist over zoologist, but that would require rewording the whole hook). Cielquiparle ( talk) 08:21, 31 July 2022 (UTC)
...he famously booked the Duke Ellington Orchestra to perform for Berkeley school children in 1969, Wong paid the band out of his own pocket, because the school district wouldn't fund their appearance.Cielquiparle ( talk) 01:56, 2 August 2022 (UTC)
The result was: promoted by
97198 (
talk) 04:30, 6 August 2022 (UTC)
DYK toolbox |
---|
When he returned to the States, Mr. Wong enrolled at UC Berkeley, pursuing bachelor and doctoral degrees in zoology.and Batti, Renee (8 May 2014). "The beat goes on: An appreciation of Dr. Wong". The Almanac Online. Retrieved 6 July 2022.
...during his career he wrote notes for more than 600 jazz recordings...
...he famously booked the Duke Ellington Orchestra to perform for Berkeley school children in 1969, Wong paid the band out of his own pocket, because the school district wouldn't fund their appearance.
Created by Vladimir.copic ( talk). Self-nominated at 05:28, 6 July 2022 (UTC).
not an improvement IMO. There is mention in the article of his science books and some awards he has won but he is best known (as reflected in all sources) for his work with jazz music. It would be WP:UNDUE to focus too heavily on his educational career. I am also reluctant to pull too much from the Profile in Excellence source as it's pretty much a self published book by a local Chinese society that makes a number of conspicuous errors not least getting the name of his flagship radio show wrong and claiming his MA was from UC Berkeley (it was from SJSU). A similar - but more boring - hook is below. The theme is the same, a guy with an unrelated day job/training made a big contribution to jazz music and its promotion.
Okay, if you think the source in question is a tad ropey, that's different. It just seemed to me to be very odd to completely fail to mention what was reportedly a pretty important part of his career. And yes, I understand that he is principally notable for his contribution to the world of jazz, but the problem was that there was no mention of what he actually taught in the various educational facilities - people don't always teach in their field of formal study, and a reader might be forgiven for assuming that he was giving lectures in jazz, for example.
Having said that, the issue I originally raised has been addressed, so that is resolved. There is another issue however - both the hook and article state that he wrote the liner notes for some 600 jazz albums, but the sole source provided gives Wong himself as the source of this number. While it's very likely accurate, Wong doesn't count as an independent source for his own career achievements, so it would be more appropriate to say something like "by his own account" or some such. Gatoclass ( talk) 13:59, 7 July 2022 (UTC)
Oh, I see above that I struck the "trained zoologist" hook again - I meant to leave that to a later edit as my previous post was already rather long. Since it's done now though, I'll explain my reasoning on that since you reverted earlier. Firstly, "trained" is redundant. A zoologist is just a zoologist, one doesn't have to say they are "trained" as one, any more than one says "trained doctor" or "trained policeman". Also, adding "trained" implies that the person in question only trained as such and never actually worked in the field, which is not the case here. Hopefully you will now concur, my apologies for the mix-up. Gatoclass ( talk) 14:17, 7 July 2022 (UTC)
@ Vladimir.copic:: Sound good? Can we move this along now? Personally I do prefer the 600+ jazz albums hooks, and I like zoologist over school teacher (and possibly even ornithologist over zoologist, but that would require rewording the whole hook). Cielquiparle ( talk) 08:21, 31 July 2022 (UTC)
...he famously booked the Duke Ellington Orchestra to perform for Berkeley school children in 1969, Wong paid the band out of his own pocket, because the school district wouldn't fund their appearance.Cielquiparle ( talk) 01:56, 2 August 2022 (UTC)