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Just spot checking the article, more or less randomly:
Stefan Batory later became king of Poland as well as Grand Duke of Lithuania and turned the tide of the war with his successes between 1578 and 1581
Why is that "later" there? Later than what? His successes where between 1578 and 1681. He became king of Poland 1576. So again, "later" than what? Did he intervene earlier in his capacity as
Prince of Transylvania (which would involve Transylvania being added to the list of belligerents). If so, the article certainly doesn't say anything about it.
This was followed by an extended campaign through Russia before the long and difficult siege of Pskov
Awkward wording. Maybe "culminating in"?
The Order of Hegemonys landmeister and gebietiger, as well as the owners of Livonian estates, were all lesser nobles who guarded their privileges and influence by preventing the creation of a higher, more powerful noble class.
What's a "Order of Hegemony"? This is the first time that this phrase is introduced into the article and it looks very important. However it is nowhere explained as to what exactly it is.
When the Livonian War broke out, the Hanseatic League had already...
Again, chronology issue. Wait, when did the Livonian War break out? If I'm reading the text, I haven't gotten there yet. Now all of sudden this jumps ahead of time - this should probably go later on in the text. Or change it to "by the time that war broke out.
The Livonians eventually promised to pay this sum to Ivan by 1557, but were dismissed from Moscow when they failed to do so
What does it mean to be "dismissed from Moscow" here and why was it a big deal?
fearing that it would leave Lithuanian Kiev exposed to a pending Russian attack
What's a Lithuanian Kiev? If you mean Kiev, then Kiev. If you mean Kiev and surrounding area, or Kiev Voivodeship than say that.
Sigismund used the killing of his envoy Lancki...forcing the discordant parties
needs a comma and Lancki who? Wait, who where the "discordant parties" (I don't think that's an appropriate word here - sounds like a college shindig)? Lanckis and landmeister's son? This also makes the following sentence unclear.
Ivan IV regarded the Livonian Confederation's approach to the Polish–Lithuanian union for protection under the Treaty of Pozvol as casus belli.[23] In 1554, Livonia and Russia signed a fifteen-year truce in which Livonia agreed no to enter into an alliance with Poland–Lithuania.[24] In 1558, he reacted with the invasion of Livonia
This is just chronologically clunky. It reads as if Ivan "reacted" to the 15 year truce he just signed with Livonia (when was this signed?). Of course he was reacting to the Treaty of Pozvol, 1557.
That's just from the first few sections.
Volunteer Marek (
talk) 00:01, 17 April 2011 (UTC)reply
OK, I believe these issues have now been sorted. If there are clarifications you'd like made in the rest of the text, do post them (or use the
{{clarify}} tag if you prefer). Grandiose(
me,
talk,
contribs) 10:36, 17 April 2011 (UTC)reply
The {{
Efron}} and/or {{
Cite Efron}} template should be fixed to not generate the "missing title" message.
User-duck (
talk) 17:16, 9 June 2021 (UTC)reply
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Just spot checking the article, more or less randomly:
Stefan Batory later became king of Poland as well as Grand Duke of Lithuania and turned the tide of the war with his successes between 1578 and 1581
Why is that "later" there? Later than what? His successes where between 1578 and 1681. He became king of Poland 1576. So again, "later" than what? Did he intervene earlier in his capacity as
Prince of Transylvania (which would involve Transylvania being added to the list of belligerents). If so, the article certainly doesn't say anything about it.
This was followed by an extended campaign through Russia before the long and difficult siege of Pskov
Awkward wording. Maybe "culminating in"?
The Order of Hegemonys landmeister and gebietiger, as well as the owners of Livonian estates, were all lesser nobles who guarded their privileges and influence by preventing the creation of a higher, more powerful noble class.
What's a "Order of Hegemony"? This is the first time that this phrase is introduced into the article and it looks very important. However it is nowhere explained as to what exactly it is.
When the Livonian War broke out, the Hanseatic League had already...
Again, chronology issue. Wait, when did the Livonian War break out? If I'm reading the text, I haven't gotten there yet. Now all of sudden this jumps ahead of time - this should probably go later on in the text. Or change it to "by the time that war broke out.
The Livonians eventually promised to pay this sum to Ivan by 1557, but were dismissed from Moscow when they failed to do so
What does it mean to be "dismissed from Moscow" here and why was it a big deal?
fearing that it would leave Lithuanian Kiev exposed to a pending Russian attack
What's a Lithuanian Kiev? If you mean Kiev, then Kiev. If you mean Kiev and surrounding area, or Kiev Voivodeship than say that.
Sigismund used the killing of his envoy Lancki...forcing the discordant parties
needs a comma and Lancki who? Wait, who where the "discordant parties" (I don't think that's an appropriate word here - sounds like a college shindig)? Lanckis and landmeister's son? This also makes the following sentence unclear.
Ivan IV regarded the Livonian Confederation's approach to the Polish–Lithuanian union for protection under the Treaty of Pozvol as casus belli.[23] In 1554, Livonia and Russia signed a fifteen-year truce in which Livonia agreed no to enter into an alliance with Poland–Lithuania.[24] In 1558, he reacted with the invasion of Livonia
This is just chronologically clunky. It reads as if Ivan "reacted" to the 15 year truce he just signed with Livonia (when was this signed?). Of course he was reacting to the Treaty of Pozvol, 1557.
That's just from the first few sections.
Volunteer Marek (
talk) 00:01, 17 April 2011 (UTC)reply
OK, I believe these issues have now been sorted. If there are clarifications you'd like made in the rest of the text, do post them (or use the
{{clarify}} tag if you prefer). Grandiose(
me,
talk,
contribs) 10:36, 17 April 2011 (UTC)reply
The {{
Efron}} and/or {{
Cite Efron}} template should be fixed to not generate the "missing title" message.
User-duck (
talk) 17:16, 9 June 2021 (UTC)reply