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It seems that that comment comes from this review ( http://www.inlander.com/spokane/article-7926-black-hole-fun.html ).
I've added it, and replaced the "citation needed" with the appropriate tags.
-- Special Operative MACAVITY Debrief me 19:57, 17 July 2010 (UTC)
An editor trimmed the plot section [2] and although the bit about the pilot light might seem unimportant in the story it is a specific recent example of why the older brother was so annoyed and unwilling to forgive his younger brother. A plot section needs to explain what happened, but a better plot section can also incude some of why things are happening. It would be better if some of that could be restored so it doesn't seem like Danny is an unforgiving jerk for no reason, that he is annoyed at his little brother sometimes is justifiable. Also it explains why the Zorgans come back.
It is also unclear why an editor repeatedly insists on restored the word " cantankerous" [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] to describe the teenage sister. It seems overcomplicated and out of place with the reading level of the rest of the plot section. Simpler words such as grumpy or surly might be better, or maybe not including an extra adjective there at all because when describing a teenager those words are practically redundant.
When the bicycle falls from the sky seemed like the final point that punctuated the very end of the film, the last beat of the drum. On one level, for the sake of brevity, I can understand removing it [8] but it shows how the unreality of the game isn't entirely separate, and encroaches on the real part of the world in story, it wasn't "all a dream" type story. If editors really feel brevity is more important you could cut the paragraph back even further to be more concise and end with "to back in the house as it was before the brothers started the game." -- 109.79.75.196 ( talk) 14:15, 13 November 2022 (UTC)
This
edit request has been answered. Set the |answered= or |ans= parameter to no to reactivate your request. |
In the plot section, please replace X "cantankerous teenage sister" with Y "teenage sister". -- 109.79.73.37 ( talk) 17:54, 24 January 2023 (UTC)
{{
Edit semi-protected}}
template. Clearly this has some resistance, so it will need consensus. I'm pinging
Pborri, who has been restoring that term, so it can be discussed.
ScottishFinnishRadish (
talk)
18:17, 24 January 2023 (UTC)
No response. Previous behavior showed Pborri was unwilling to explain and edit collaboratively and nothing has changed. Please revert their unhelpful insertion of the word "cantankerous". I would also recommend reverting all the recent edits by banned sock puppet User:Decodingw. -- 109.79.73.1 ( talk) 18:06, 6 February 2023 (UTC)
This
edit request has been answered. Set the |answered= or |ans= parameter to no to reactivate your request. |
In the plot section please replace X "When Danny finally wins the game" with "When Danny wins the game," (because later in the paragraph "finally the boys bond" and it reads poorly to repeat the word finally twice in close succession). Presented in this format because the guidelines require it but editors are welcome copyedit the Plot section as they see fit to address poor phrasing and repetition in general. -- 109.78.193.90 ( talk) 14:57, 12 January 2024 (UTC)
This article is rated B-class on Wikipedia's
content assessment scale. It is of interest to the following WikiProjects: | |||||||||||
|
Archives ( Index) |
It seems that that comment comes from this review ( http://www.inlander.com/spokane/article-7926-black-hole-fun.html ).
I've added it, and replaced the "citation needed" with the appropriate tags.
-- Special Operative MACAVITY Debrief me 19:57, 17 July 2010 (UTC)
An editor trimmed the plot section [2] and although the bit about the pilot light might seem unimportant in the story it is a specific recent example of why the older brother was so annoyed and unwilling to forgive his younger brother. A plot section needs to explain what happened, but a better plot section can also incude some of why things are happening. It would be better if some of that could be restored so it doesn't seem like Danny is an unforgiving jerk for no reason, that he is annoyed at his little brother sometimes is justifiable. Also it explains why the Zorgans come back.
It is also unclear why an editor repeatedly insists on restored the word " cantankerous" [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] to describe the teenage sister. It seems overcomplicated and out of place with the reading level of the rest of the plot section. Simpler words such as grumpy or surly might be better, or maybe not including an extra adjective there at all because when describing a teenager those words are practically redundant.
When the bicycle falls from the sky seemed like the final point that punctuated the very end of the film, the last beat of the drum. On one level, for the sake of brevity, I can understand removing it [8] but it shows how the unreality of the game isn't entirely separate, and encroaches on the real part of the world in story, it wasn't "all a dream" type story. If editors really feel brevity is more important you could cut the paragraph back even further to be more concise and end with "to back in the house as it was before the brothers started the game." -- 109.79.75.196 ( talk) 14:15, 13 November 2022 (UTC)
This
edit request has been answered. Set the |answered= or |ans= parameter to no to reactivate your request. |
In the plot section, please replace X "cantankerous teenage sister" with Y "teenage sister". -- 109.79.73.37 ( talk) 17:54, 24 January 2023 (UTC)
{{
Edit semi-protected}}
template. Clearly this has some resistance, so it will need consensus. I'm pinging
Pborri, who has been restoring that term, so it can be discussed.
ScottishFinnishRadish (
talk)
18:17, 24 January 2023 (UTC)
No response. Previous behavior showed Pborri was unwilling to explain and edit collaboratively and nothing has changed. Please revert their unhelpful insertion of the word "cantankerous". I would also recommend reverting all the recent edits by banned sock puppet User:Decodingw. -- 109.79.73.1 ( talk) 18:06, 6 February 2023 (UTC)
This
edit request has been answered. Set the |answered= or |ans= parameter to no to reactivate your request. |
In the plot section please replace X "When Danny finally wins the game" with "When Danny wins the game," (because later in the paragraph "finally the boys bond" and it reads poorly to repeat the word finally twice in close succession). Presented in this format because the guidelines require it but editors are welcome copyedit the Plot section as they see fit to address poor phrasing and repetition in general. -- 109.78.193.90 ( talk) 14:57, 12 January 2024 (UTC)