The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Vaticidalprophet ( talk · contribs) 09:03, 21 August 2023 (UTC)
Now this is an interesting one! Quickly looking through the article finds nothing clearly wrong.
before officially premiering on November 8th, of that same yeardoesn't need the comma.
various items of a symbolic nature-- in what way?
A stark contrast to any of the entries in the filmmay need a source, as it's secondary analysis.
More comments to come soon. Vaticidal prophet 09:03, 21 August 2023 (UTC)
While usually categorized as a "comedy" or "art film" by media outlets at the time of the film's release, Troika incorporates several different narratives and genres for each segment.I'm not sure "while" makes sense here, as those statements aren't juxtaposing contradictory things.
with many of them making their only acting credit for the filmisn't amazing, grammatically.
Most of Troika's cast was unknown performers, several of whose only acting credit was the film.
Hobbs, himself starred in the film as a fictional version of himself, in addition to the characters of the "Chef", and "Fantom"doesn't need the second and third commas, or the first 'himself'.
one commentator described his role as a Christ-like figure.
early to midshould just be "early-mid".
Hobbs later recalled filming one sequence, shot at Fort Cronkhite involving Thurmond running alongside the skyline. While filming the sequence, Hobbs claimed that during the take the military began firing a Nike missile's as an artillery exercise, ruining the shot.These sentences seem...confused. I'm not sure how best to suggest copyediting them.
Troika has been considered unobtainable for many years, with the film never being given a home video release.Given the restorations and the possibility of a future release, this sentence seems like it should be flipped to focus on the fact the film has never been released for home viewing, with the fact it was unobtainable/unscreened entirely for many years in the second clause.
Troika's commercial success would servecan just be 'served'. Having said that, this raises content questions. By what standards was it a commercial success? The threshold for a niche art film being successful is very low -- do we have some way to contextualize this?
I redid this to focus on Hobbs continuing to work in thi film industry-- Paleface Jack ( talk) 03:18, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
Hobbs' resulting film, Roseland: A Fable (1970), would be a surreal philosophical satire on the porn industry itselfagain doesn't need 'would be' rather than 'was'.
The film gained some controversy during and after its release due to its sexual content-- well, it was just described as porn, wasn't it?
The first of these would be-- again "was"
Both films were critical and commercial failures, with Godmonster receiving little to no theatrical release, combined with behind-the-scenes conflicts with producers of both films caused Hobbs to grow discontent with the film industry, who subsequently retired from filmmaking.This sentence needs copyediting, in the same sense as the "Filming and post-production" sentences where they're quite difficult to disentangle.
Putting on hold. There are a few things going on here, but the bones of the article are good. Vaticidal prophet 17:53, 23 August 2023 (UTC)
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Vaticidalprophet ( talk · contribs) 09:03, 21 August 2023 (UTC)
Now this is an interesting one! Quickly looking through the article finds nothing clearly wrong.
before officially premiering on November 8th, of that same yeardoesn't need the comma.
various items of a symbolic nature-- in what way?
A stark contrast to any of the entries in the filmmay need a source, as it's secondary analysis.
More comments to come soon. Vaticidal prophet 09:03, 21 August 2023 (UTC)
While usually categorized as a "comedy" or "art film" by media outlets at the time of the film's release, Troika incorporates several different narratives and genres for each segment.I'm not sure "while" makes sense here, as those statements aren't juxtaposing contradictory things.
with many of them making their only acting credit for the filmisn't amazing, grammatically.
Most of Troika's cast was unknown performers, several of whose only acting credit was the film.
Hobbs, himself starred in the film as a fictional version of himself, in addition to the characters of the "Chef", and "Fantom"doesn't need the second and third commas, or the first 'himself'.
one commentator described his role as a Christ-like figure.
early to midshould just be "early-mid".
Hobbs later recalled filming one sequence, shot at Fort Cronkhite involving Thurmond running alongside the skyline. While filming the sequence, Hobbs claimed that during the take the military began firing a Nike missile's as an artillery exercise, ruining the shot.These sentences seem...confused. I'm not sure how best to suggest copyediting them.
Troika has been considered unobtainable for many years, with the film never being given a home video release.Given the restorations and the possibility of a future release, this sentence seems like it should be flipped to focus on the fact the film has never been released for home viewing, with the fact it was unobtainable/unscreened entirely for many years in the second clause.
Troika's commercial success would servecan just be 'served'. Having said that, this raises content questions. By what standards was it a commercial success? The threshold for a niche art film being successful is very low -- do we have some way to contextualize this?
I redid this to focus on Hobbs continuing to work in thi film industry-- Paleface Jack ( talk) 03:18, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
Hobbs' resulting film, Roseland: A Fable (1970), would be a surreal philosophical satire on the porn industry itselfagain doesn't need 'would be' rather than 'was'.
The film gained some controversy during and after its release due to its sexual content-- well, it was just described as porn, wasn't it?
The first of these would be-- again "was"
Both films were critical and commercial failures, with Godmonster receiving little to no theatrical release, combined with behind-the-scenes conflicts with producers of both films caused Hobbs to grow discontent with the film industry, who subsequently retired from filmmaking.This sentence needs copyediting, in the same sense as the "Filming and post-production" sentences where they're quite difficult to disentangle.
Putting on hold. There are a few things going on here, but the bones of the article are good. Vaticidal prophet 17:53, 23 August 2023 (UTC)