So sorry! I've never had it quite that bad but I know the feeling. When you do come back, could you please interpolate your responses into my feedback. Just "done" is fine if that's all there is to say. Meant to say that earlier.
Firefangledfeathers (
talk /
contribs)
17:28, 13 June 2022 (UTC)reply
Some content is cited only to short bios on pages about events/conferences/classes. These tend to be supplied by the speaker herself and can be quite promotional. Please review these to see what can be sourced to something more reliable and what needs to be removed.
Lead
Why is the Bloomberg source used inline for "American" in the lead? Is there some oblique way it verifies the descriptor? Done.
"is the founder of the Distributed Artificial Intelligence Research Institute" Done.
Either the DAIR content on the body needs expansion or it's given too lengthy a treatment in the lead. Probably just "She is the founder of Distributed Artificial Intelligence Research Institute (DAIR)" would be enough. Done.
Closer to source: "World's 50 Greatest Leaders" Done.
The controversy surrounding her exit from Google is a major aspect of her biography and is rightly given lengthy coverage in the body. As it stands, the controversy is given a disproportionately large amount of explanation in the lead. The best solution for this is probably to expand other parts of the lead, which could do more to summarize other parts of the article. I also think a trim of the controversy content would be an improvement (are all the paper's details required?). Partially done.
Early life
Can the Forbes source be replaced? See
WP:FORBESCON. Done.
Does any source besides Forbes mention her father's electrical engineering work and PhD? If so, might be due for a short mention here. Done.
Please expand on why her family needed political asylum. Done.
The bit about her high school experience and police encounter is uncomfortably close paraphrase of the Time source. It might help to incorporate information from other sources that mention that time in her life. (e.g. Wired)
I don't think the MIT Tech Review source supports her getting her dissertation in 2017, unless it's in the video (which is not available via the archive url).
Please mention that Fei-Fei Li advised Gebru during her PhD program and provide a source, needed to support the infobox mention. Done.
"an encounter Gebru experienced with the police" → "an encounter with the police" or "an experience" Done.
"accepted to study at Stanford University" → "accepted at Stanford University" Done.
Is there a secondary source for her LDV Capital win? Done.
What does "the demographics" mean in "experiences with the police, the demographics"? Removed.
Apple
Wired doesn't verify her Apple internship being in 2004 (though it's a reasonable guess). "While at Stanford" would be fine if no source gives the year. Done. Seems like this was from her LinkedIn, cannot source otherwise.
First sentence could use a rewrite or a split in two.
Though her interest in computer vision started during her tenure at Apple, the cited Wired source places the origin of this interest in her classes at Stanford. Unless another source interprets it differently, this content should probably be moved to Early life and education. If kept here, the bit about signal processing algorithms should be moved from the middle of it, as the current language makes it seem like "she did not consider the potential use for surveillance" is referring to signal processing, as opposed to computer vision.
The second paragraph's first sentence could use a rewrite or a split in two.
The WaPo source supports that Gebru spoke with Scarlett but "consulted with" is a stretch. Added another source.
Please cite the Verge source right at the end of the sentence with the quotes. Done.
I'm fairly sure Selfpreneur is not a reliable source. Can it be replaced? It's used here and in Early life.
Is coverage by Newsweek mentioned in The Economist? That's the only one of the three cited sources I can't access, and the other two don't mention Newsweek. My preferred solution (mentioned below as an optional comment) is to remove or rework this sentence entirely. Next best is dropping the Newsweek mention (no consensus on reliability), followed by adding a source that verifies it.
Please name "the field"
"When she attended again the following year, she ...": all following commas in this sentence should be removed
"Summer of 2017" is unclear per
MOS:SEASON but the sources aren't more specific. How about "after receiving her doctorate in 2017"?
Does the FAT conference proceeding source actually verify the interview question quote and response? I found a version of it through
WP:TWL but it doesn't include the quote
Some organizational issues are becoming increasingly clear by this point. Content that is seemingly arbitrarily split between this section and §Early life: her work with Fei-Fei Li, her sexual harassment experience at NIPS, and her concern about racism in AI. There are many ways you could fix this; my first thought is to move all the substantive stuff into this section and give it a name like "Work at Stanford and Microsoft (2013–2017)".
Have Domingos and Lissack responded to the allegations?
Who are "civil society supporters"?
"and demanded Kacholia" this is presumably still part of her old team's demands but it's unclear
"and initiated" → "and he initiated"
"approach for handling how certain employees leave the company": most readers will assume this is quoting Google; it should either be summarized or attributed in the text to CNN Business
"but still did not clarify whether or not Gebru's leaving Google was voluntary" not explicitly supported by the source
"diversity, equity, and inclusion goals would be reported to Alphabet's board of directors quarterly": goals reported, or progress on them?
"held accountable for it": "it" is unclear (her termination, presumably)
"dismissive over" → "dismissive of"
Post-Google
The section title and organizational purpose could be better/clearer. What distinguishes this content from the post-exit content in the section above?
First sentence needs a reorganization or rewrite
"to analyze its" → "to analyze Google's"
Business Insider is not a particularly reliable source. Any alternatives?
Was the Senators' letter "less formal" than the Cummings Foundation proposal?
"The probe comes after Gebru, and other BIPOC employees, reported that when they brought up their experiences with racism and sexism to Human Resources, they were advised to take medical leave and therapy through the company's Employee Assistance Program (EAP)." As the cited source for this doesn't mention the probe, this comes off a bit
WP:SYNTHy. This content and the sentences that follow would do well in §Exit from Google.
2021–present
"launch an independent research institute modeled on her work on Google's Ethical AI team and her experience in Black in AI" looks like a Gebru quote but isn't
I think the tense works out such that the "[d]" is not needed in her "spotlight" quote
2013–2017
"neighbourhood" → "neighborhood" (see note above about ENGVAR)
If
Fei-Fei Li is linked in Early life (see note above), please remove the link here
I prefer not to include content like "extensively covered in the media". If the sources have something novel and important to say, we should summarize that. If there's a reliable source commenting specifically on the widespread nature of the coverage, I'd cite that specifically.
"Black in AI" doesn't need italics but should be linked
that section is super-confusing!! so her parents were from the REGION of eritrea but living elsewhere (the capital) in ethiopia, and then when eritrea tried to break away, ethiopia itself EXILED THEM back to that region? is that what is intended?
saying they were "deported" when eritrea was still part of ethiopia makes no sense, nor does the line that they were COMPELLED TO FIGHT once in eritrea. fight for who? if they were dispatched to eritrea for the sole purpose of fighting FOR ETHIOPIA, then "deported" makes even less sense. if, otoh, the guerillas/freedom fighters of eritrea forced them to join up on THEIR side, why then would ethiopia send them there in the first place?! the way it reads now it's like ethiopia commanded them to fight...against itself!!
2601:19C:527F:A680:79AF:BDA5:FC0F:89AD (
talk)
07:03, 14 June 2022 (UTC)reply
OIC. i mistakenly assumed "ethiopian-eritrean war" meant eritrea's war of independence! my bad.
however, we are still left with "deported and compelled to serve". i guess my SECOND choice is the correct interpretation here -- once in eritrea, the ERITREAN SIDE compelled them to serve?
were they eritrean nationals the latter years they were in ethiopia, then? i mean, for the 7-8 years since independence, was "eritrean national here on a visa" a thing, or was ethiopian citizenship grandfathered in for people remaining in the country?
2601:19C:527F:A680:8972:5B78:A79A:CA4C (
talk)
00:23, 16 June 2022 (UTC)reply
I think your second interpretation is correct, but I'm not sure. I don't have an answer for your follow-up questions. I do think the article language could be more clear, and that an additional sentence or so of explanation would be due (since it's a factor in her move out of the region and asylum in the US).
Firefangledfeathers (
talk /
contribs)
00:36, 16 June 2022 (UTC)reply
So sorry! I've never had it quite that bad but I know the feeling. When you do come back, could you please interpolate your responses into my feedback. Just "done" is fine if that's all there is to say. Meant to say that earlier.
Firefangledfeathers (
talk /
contribs)
17:28, 13 June 2022 (UTC)reply
Some content is cited only to short bios on pages about events/conferences/classes. These tend to be supplied by the speaker herself and can be quite promotional. Please review these to see what can be sourced to something more reliable and what needs to be removed.
Lead
Why is the Bloomberg source used inline for "American" in the lead? Is there some oblique way it verifies the descriptor? Done.
"is the founder of the Distributed Artificial Intelligence Research Institute" Done.
Either the DAIR content on the body needs expansion or it's given too lengthy a treatment in the lead. Probably just "She is the founder of Distributed Artificial Intelligence Research Institute (DAIR)" would be enough. Done.
Closer to source: "World's 50 Greatest Leaders" Done.
The controversy surrounding her exit from Google is a major aspect of her biography and is rightly given lengthy coverage in the body. As it stands, the controversy is given a disproportionately large amount of explanation in the lead. The best solution for this is probably to expand other parts of the lead, which could do more to summarize other parts of the article. I also think a trim of the controversy content would be an improvement (are all the paper's details required?). Partially done.
Early life
Can the Forbes source be replaced? See
WP:FORBESCON. Done.
Does any source besides Forbes mention her father's electrical engineering work and PhD? If so, might be due for a short mention here. Done.
Please expand on why her family needed political asylum. Done.
The bit about her high school experience and police encounter is uncomfortably close paraphrase of the Time source. It might help to incorporate information from other sources that mention that time in her life. (e.g. Wired)
I don't think the MIT Tech Review source supports her getting her dissertation in 2017, unless it's in the video (which is not available via the archive url).
Please mention that Fei-Fei Li advised Gebru during her PhD program and provide a source, needed to support the infobox mention. Done.
"an encounter Gebru experienced with the police" → "an encounter with the police" or "an experience" Done.
"accepted to study at Stanford University" → "accepted at Stanford University" Done.
Is there a secondary source for her LDV Capital win? Done.
What does "the demographics" mean in "experiences with the police, the demographics"? Removed.
Apple
Wired doesn't verify her Apple internship being in 2004 (though it's a reasonable guess). "While at Stanford" would be fine if no source gives the year. Done. Seems like this was from her LinkedIn, cannot source otherwise.
First sentence could use a rewrite or a split in two.
Though her interest in computer vision started during her tenure at Apple, the cited Wired source places the origin of this interest in her classes at Stanford. Unless another source interprets it differently, this content should probably be moved to Early life and education. If kept here, the bit about signal processing algorithms should be moved from the middle of it, as the current language makes it seem like "she did not consider the potential use for surveillance" is referring to signal processing, as opposed to computer vision.
The second paragraph's first sentence could use a rewrite or a split in two.
The WaPo source supports that Gebru spoke with Scarlett but "consulted with" is a stretch. Added another source.
Please cite the Verge source right at the end of the sentence with the quotes. Done.
I'm fairly sure Selfpreneur is not a reliable source. Can it be replaced? It's used here and in Early life.
Is coverage by Newsweek mentioned in The Economist? That's the only one of the three cited sources I can't access, and the other two don't mention Newsweek. My preferred solution (mentioned below as an optional comment) is to remove or rework this sentence entirely. Next best is dropping the Newsweek mention (no consensus on reliability), followed by adding a source that verifies it.
Please name "the field"
"When she attended again the following year, she ...": all following commas in this sentence should be removed
"Summer of 2017" is unclear per
MOS:SEASON but the sources aren't more specific. How about "after receiving her doctorate in 2017"?
Does the FAT conference proceeding source actually verify the interview question quote and response? I found a version of it through
WP:TWL but it doesn't include the quote
Some organizational issues are becoming increasingly clear by this point. Content that is seemingly arbitrarily split between this section and §Early life: her work with Fei-Fei Li, her sexual harassment experience at NIPS, and her concern about racism in AI. There are many ways you could fix this; my first thought is to move all the substantive stuff into this section and give it a name like "Work at Stanford and Microsoft (2013–2017)".
Have Domingos and Lissack responded to the allegations?
Who are "civil society supporters"?
"and demanded Kacholia" this is presumably still part of her old team's demands but it's unclear
"and initiated" → "and he initiated"
"approach for handling how certain employees leave the company": most readers will assume this is quoting Google; it should either be summarized or attributed in the text to CNN Business
"but still did not clarify whether or not Gebru's leaving Google was voluntary" not explicitly supported by the source
"diversity, equity, and inclusion goals would be reported to Alphabet's board of directors quarterly": goals reported, or progress on them?
"held accountable for it": "it" is unclear (her termination, presumably)
"dismissive over" → "dismissive of"
Post-Google
The section title and organizational purpose could be better/clearer. What distinguishes this content from the post-exit content in the section above?
First sentence needs a reorganization or rewrite
"to analyze its" → "to analyze Google's"
Business Insider is not a particularly reliable source. Any alternatives?
Was the Senators' letter "less formal" than the Cummings Foundation proposal?
"The probe comes after Gebru, and other BIPOC employees, reported that when they brought up their experiences with racism and sexism to Human Resources, they were advised to take medical leave and therapy through the company's Employee Assistance Program (EAP)." As the cited source for this doesn't mention the probe, this comes off a bit
WP:SYNTHy. This content and the sentences that follow would do well in §Exit from Google.
2021–present
"launch an independent research institute modeled on her work on Google's Ethical AI team and her experience in Black in AI" looks like a Gebru quote but isn't
I think the tense works out such that the "[d]" is not needed in her "spotlight" quote
2013–2017
"neighbourhood" → "neighborhood" (see note above about ENGVAR)
If
Fei-Fei Li is linked in Early life (see note above), please remove the link here
I prefer not to include content like "extensively covered in the media". If the sources have something novel and important to say, we should summarize that. If there's a reliable source commenting specifically on the widespread nature of the coverage, I'd cite that specifically.
"Black in AI" doesn't need italics but should be linked
that section is super-confusing!! so her parents were from the REGION of eritrea but living elsewhere (the capital) in ethiopia, and then when eritrea tried to break away, ethiopia itself EXILED THEM back to that region? is that what is intended?
saying they were "deported" when eritrea was still part of ethiopia makes no sense, nor does the line that they were COMPELLED TO FIGHT once in eritrea. fight for who? if they were dispatched to eritrea for the sole purpose of fighting FOR ETHIOPIA, then "deported" makes even less sense. if, otoh, the guerillas/freedom fighters of eritrea forced them to join up on THEIR side, why then would ethiopia send them there in the first place?! the way it reads now it's like ethiopia commanded them to fight...against itself!!
2601:19C:527F:A680:79AF:BDA5:FC0F:89AD (
talk)
07:03, 14 June 2022 (UTC)reply
OIC. i mistakenly assumed "ethiopian-eritrean war" meant eritrea's war of independence! my bad.
however, we are still left with "deported and compelled to serve". i guess my SECOND choice is the correct interpretation here -- once in eritrea, the ERITREAN SIDE compelled them to serve?
were they eritrean nationals the latter years they were in ethiopia, then? i mean, for the 7-8 years since independence, was "eritrean national here on a visa" a thing, or was ethiopian citizenship grandfathered in for people remaining in the country?
2601:19C:527F:A680:8972:5B78:A79A:CA4C (
talk)
00:23, 16 June 2022 (UTC)reply
I think your second interpretation is correct, but I'm not sure. I don't have an answer for your follow-up questions. I do think the article language could be more clear, and that an additional sentence or so of explanation would be due (since it's a factor in her move out of the region and asylum in the US).
Firefangledfeathers (
talk /
contribs)
00:36, 16 June 2022 (UTC)reply