That was footnote #a ;), I had no problem with that, but also not a problem keeping it in the main text. I meant The line was also referred to as the Khaqanids.
The first ruling line... This gives the impression there were several ruling lines, but only one is explicitly mentioned. The other line should be mentioned here, or the entire statement should be moved to after the overview of the dynasty (from 861 to 1538) given in the next paragraph
The Shirvanshahs, existing as independent or a vassal state, from 861 until 1538; one of longest existing dynasties in the Islamic world, are known for their support of culture this mixes up two several things: their duration, political status, and patronage of culture. Suggest splitting these up, or at least treating them in order. E.g. "The Shirvanshahs ruled from 861 to 1538, one of the most enduring dynasties of the Islamic world. At times they were independent, often they had to recognize the overlordship of neighbouring empires. The dynasty is known for its patronage of culture...."
Ismail (later regnally known as Ismail I) is redundant, just Ismail I.
Background
Introduce Ibn Khordadbeh (geographer)
Is it likely that the use of Shirvanshah by later Muslim authors is an
anachronism? Do the sources mention anything like this?
Where it is a term, e.g. to use the title of Shirvanshah yes, but Shirvanshah Fariburz I or that the Shirvanshahs served as Seljuk vassals no. Also titles like Khāqān-e Kabir etc.
The current phrasing suggests that both the Abbasid caliph and Malik-Shah were introduced to the coinage, whereas I assume that the caliph was mentioned there since the beginning. So perhaps 'the coins of Fariburz I cite not only the Abbasid caliph, but also the Seljuk ruler Malik-Shah I'?
Use {{transl|fa|}} for transliterated Persian terms per
MOS:FOREIGNITALIC
Not an expert on the topic, but sufficiently familiar with the region and period. The sources cited are high-quality RS, and include some I'd expect to see for medieval Iranian/Caucasian history. Can't say if anything is missing though.
Be consistent in giving locations for books or not
Copyvio check not done yet, will do in the second pass.
@
HistoryofIran: That's it for a first pass, where I focused mostly on prose. Once these are done, I'll do another pass. Quite comprehensive, good balance of detail and overview info, and well written; at least for me it was easy to follow the narrative.
Constantine ✍ 12:48, 2 April 2023 (UTC)reply
@
HistoryofIran: Looks good so far, have responded to your queries above. One request, though: please do not strike through the items yourself, I should be the one to do this (also so I can keep track of what I have checked and what not). Cheers,
Constantine ✍ 09:59, 30 April 2023 (UTC)reply
I did a spotcheck of sources, nothing in terms of direct copyvio, but there is a lot of
Wikipedia:Close paraphrasing with Bosworth 2011a. Sort of difficult to avoid, given the heavy dependence on it, but it should be addressed. Sentence structure, wording, etc. are pretty close. E.g. The history of the Yazidids is closely intervened with another Arab family, the Hashimids, who were based in Darband vs The history of Šervānšāhs was clearly closely bound up with that of another Arab military family, the Hāšemis of Bāb al-abwāb/Darband etc.
Constantine ✍ 10:11, 30 April 2023 (UTC)reply
That was footnote #a ;), I had no problem with that, but also not a problem keeping it in the main text. I meant The line was also referred to as the Khaqanids.
The first ruling line... This gives the impression there were several ruling lines, but only one is explicitly mentioned. The other line should be mentioned here, or the entire statement should be moved to after the overview of the dynasty (from 861 to 1538) given in the next paragraph
The Shirvanshahs, existing as independent or a vassal state, from 861 until 1538; one of longest existing dynasties in the Islamic world, are known for their support of culture this mixes up two several things: their duration, political status, and patronage of culture. Suggest splitting these up, or at least treating them in order. E.g. "The Shirvanshahs ruled from 861 to 1538, one of the most enduring dynasties of the Islamic world. At times they were independent, often they had to recognize the overlordship of neighbouring empires. The dynasty is known for its patronage of culture...."
Ismail (later regnally known as Ismail I) is redundant, just Ismail I.
Background
Introduce Ibn Khordadbeh (geographer)
Is it likely that the use of Shirvanshah by later Muslim authors is an
anachronism? Do the sources mention anything like this?
Where it is a term, e.g. to use the title of Shirvanshah yes, but Shirvanshah Fariburz I or that the Shirvanshahs served as Seljuk vassals no. Also titles like Khāqān-e Kabir etc.
The current phrasing suggests that both the Abbasid caliph and Malik-Shah were introduced to the coinage, whereas I assume that the caliph was mentioned there since the beginning. So perhaps 'the coins of Fariburz I cite not only the Abbasid caliph, but also the Seljuk ruler Malik-Shah I'?
Use {{transl|fa|}} for transliterated Persian terms per
MOS:FOREIGNITALIC
Not an expert on the topic, but sufficiently familiar with the region and period. The sources cited are high-quality RS, and include some I'd expect to see for medieval Iranian/Caucasian history. Can't say if anything is missing though.
Be consistent in giving locations for books or not
Copyvio check not done yet, will do in the second pass.
@
HistoryofIran: That's it for a first pass, where I focused mostly on prose. Once these are done, I'll do another pass. Quite comprehensive, good balance of detail and overview info, and well written; at least for me it was easy to follow the narrative.
Constantine ✍ 12:48, 2 April 2023 (UTC)reply
@
HistoryofIran: Looks good so far, have responded to your queries above. One request, though: please do not strike through the items yourself, I should be the one to do this (also so I can keep track of what I have checked and what not). Cheers,
Constantine ✍ 09:59, 30 April 2023 (UTC)reply
I did a spotcheck of sources, nothing in terms of direct copyvio, but there is a lot of
Wikipedia:Close paraphrasing with Bosworth 2011a. Sort of difficult to avoid, given the heavy dependence on it, but it should be addressed. Sentence structure, wording, etc. are pretty close. E.g. The history of the Yazidids is closely intervened with another Arab family, the Hashimids, who were based in Darband vs The history of Šervānšāhs was clearly closely bound up with that of another Arab military family, the Hāšemis of Bāb al-abwāb/Darband etc.
Constantine ✍ 10:11, 30 April 2023 (UTC)reply