I'll start reading over the next few days and then begin to make comments. I am normally a slow reviewer - if that is likely to be a problem, please let me know as soon as possible. I tend to directly do copy-editing and minor improvements as I'm reading the article rather than list them here; if there is a lot of copy-editing to be done I may suggest getting a copy-editor (on the basis that a fresh set of eyes is helpful). Anything more significant than minor improvements I will raise here. I see the reviewer's role as collaborative and collegiate, so I welcome discussion regarding interpretation of the criteria. SilkTork✔Tea time
Sourced. Though I am querying some of th sources used, below, I have found the article to be richly cited, and to have used a variety of sources to build and support the content. SilkTork✔Tea time17:54, 4 December 2013 (UTC)reply
There are two non-free images used. The first is the identifying logo, and such use is acceptable. The second,
File:Outlaw Run - layout.png, is questionable. The drawing is copyrighted to Silver Dollar City, and its use is not essential as a similar diagram could be user created and uploaded. Is there a reason for that particular image being in the article? SilkTork✔Tea time16:53, 4 December 2013 (UTC)reply
Some of the language used may be familiar to roller coaster enthusiasts, but not to general members of the public. See
MOS:JARGON. Phrases such as "multiple inversions", "teaser website", "double heartline roll", "a high-speed low float", etc, would benefit from some explanation or rephrasing. There's also some casual phrasing such as "behind closed doors" which are not appropriate for an encyclopedia per
WP:Words to watch, a GA criteria. SilkTork✔Tea time17:19, 4 December 2013 (UTC)reply
I have provided wikilinks where appropriate, provided a brief explanation of a heartline roll, and re-worded the high-speed low float. "Behind closed doors" has also been removed. Themeparkgc Talk 00:09, 5 December 2013 (UTC)reply
Lead. To meet GA criteria 1(b), which relates to specific
manual of style guidelines, the article needs to comply with the advice in
WP:LEAD. That is, in addition to being an introduction, the lead needs to be an adequate overview of the whole of the article. As a rough guide, each major section in the article should be represented with an appropriate summary in the lead. The lead currently does not provide an adequate summary of the article. SilkTork✔Tea time16:58, 4 December 2013 (UTC)reply
Prose is starting to concern me. Along with use of jargon and casual language mentioned above, there's also unprofessional and awkward phrases such as " After Silver Dollar City decided they would be adding a wooden roller coaster, they started to look into possible themes.", and some clunky sentences at the end of the first section. All these combined make me feel the article would benefit from decent copy-editing - preferably from someone new to the article, as getting a fresh set of eyes on it would make the job easier and quicker. SilkTork✔Tea time17:26, 4 December 2013 (UTC)reply
"Rocky Mountain Construction spent four years developing technology to allow them to twist beams of wood". Why did they do this - it doesn't appear to be explained. SilkTork✔Tea time17:21, 4 December 2013 (UTC)reply
I have removed the "great excitement" and re-worded the lead sentence for that paragraph. From reading that discussion regarding About.com, it seems that it is hard to put a blanket over all of it. According to
his bio online, Arthur Levine has been writing on amusement parks for more than 2 decades for various sources, and has provided commentary to other media outlets. A quick Google search confirms this, with some examples including
a piece for the Boston Globe, as well as providing quotes for The Washington Post and The Seattle Times. Whilst I wouldn't consider www.themeparkreview.com a reliable source in itself, Robb Alvey who runs the site has a similar presence to Levine as an expert in the industry. Alvey has been described by various media sources as a
"professional theme park reviewer" and a
"roller coaster expert". He has also recently presented
a TV series and appeared on
severalnewsreports. As the cited source in the article was published in the Los Angeles Times who interviewed Alvey, I think the source is fine. Themeparkgc Talk 00:09, 5 December 2013 (UTC)reply
NewsOK is an online website for The Oklahoman. Although it is labelled as a blog, the newspaper considers
Brandy McDonnell a journalist, who has worked for them for more than 11 years. I was under the impression that NewsOK would be under the same editorial oversight as the newspaper itself, hence its inclusion here. Themeparkgc Talk 00:09, 5 December 2013 (UTC)reply
On hold
Information in the article appears solid. Concerns about the second non-free image, some of the sources and external links. Main work needed is a copyedit to improve clarity and readability, and to build the lead section. Review put on hold for an initial seven days to allow concerns to be addressed. I am willing to extend as long as positive progress is being made or contact is being maintained. SilkTork✔Tea time18:04, 4 December 2013 (UTC)reply
I have completed a copy edit under the auspices of the
Guild of Copy Editors.
Here's a diff if you'd like to get a flavor for the changes I made. Feel free to modify my changes if something I changed runs contrary to accepted style or wording in the world of amusement parks. I tried to edit from the perspective of a lay reader with an interest in the topic but only superficial knowledge of it. –
Jonesey95 (
talk)
06:24, 5 December 2013 (UTC)reply
I'll start reading over the next few days and then begin to make comments. I am normally a slow reviewer - if that is likely to be a problem, please let me know as soon as possible. I tend to directly do copy-editing and minor improvements as I'm reading the article rather than list them here; if there is a lot of copy-editing to be done I may suggest getting a copy-editor (on the basis that a fresh set of eyes is helpful). Anything more significant than minor improvements I will raise here. I see the reviewer's role as collaborative and collegiate, so I welcome discussion regarding interpretation of the criteria. SilkTork✔Tea time
Sourced. Though I am querying some of th sources used, below, I have found the article to be richly cited, and to have used a variety of sources to build and support the content. SilkTork✔Tea time17:54, 4 December 2013 (UTC)reply
There are two non-free images used. The first is the identifying logo, and such use is acceptable. The second,
File:Outlaw Run - layout.png, is questionable. The drawing is copyrighted to Silver Dollar City, and its use is not essential as a similar diagram could be user created and uploaded. Is there a reason for that particular image being in the article? SilkTork✔Tea time16:53, 4 December 2013 (UTC)reply
Some of the language used may be familiar to roller coaster enthusiasts, but not to general members of the public. See
MOS:JARGON. Phrases such as "multiple inversions", "teaser website", "double heartline roll", "a high-speed low float", etc, would benefit from some explanation or rephrasing. There's also some casual phrasing such as "behind closed doors" which are not appropriate for an encyclopedia per
WP:Words to watch, a GA criteria. SilkTork✔Tea time17:19, 4 December 2013 (UTC)reply
I have provided wikilinks where appropriate, provided a brief explanation of a heartline roll, and re-worded the high-speed low float. "Behind closed doors" has also been removed. Themeparkgc Talk 00:09, 5 December 2013 (UTC)reply
Lead. To meet GA criteria 1(b), which relates to specific
manual of style guidelines, the article needs to comply with the advice in
WP:LEAD. That is, in addition to being an introduction, the lead needs to be an adequate overview of the whole of the article. As a rough guide, each major section in the article should be represented with an appropriate summary in the lead. The lead currently does not provide an adequate summary of the article. SilkTork✔Tea time16:58, 4 December 2013 (UTC)reply
Prose is starting to concern me. Along with use of jargon and casual language mentioned above, there's also unprofessional and awkward phrases such as " After Silver Dollar City decided they would be adding a wooden roller coaster, they started to look into possible themes.", and some clunky sentences at the end of the first section. All these combined make me feel the article would benefit from decent copy-editing - preferably from someone new to the article, as getting a fresh set of eyes on it would make the job easier and quicker. SilkTork✔Tea time17:26, 4 December 2013 (UTC)reply
"Rocky Mountain Construction spent four years developing technology to allow them to twist beams of wood". Why did they do this - it doesn't appear to be explained. SilkTork✔Tea time17:21, 4 December 2013 (UTC)reply
I have removed the "great excitement" and re-worded the lead sentence for that paragraph. From reading that discussion regarding About.com, it seems that it is hard to put a blanket over all of it. According to
his bio online, Arthur Levine has been writing on amusement parks for more than 2 decades for various sources, and has provided commentary to other media outlets. A quick Google search confirms this, with some examples including
a piece for the Boston Globe, as well as providing quotes for The Washington Post and The Seattle Times. Whilst I wouldn't consider www.themeparkreview.com a reliable source in itself, Robb Alvey who runs the site has a similar presence to Levine as an expert in the industry. Alvey has been described by various media sources as a
"professional theme park reviewer" and a
"roller coaster expert". He has also recently presented
a TV series and appeared on
severalnewsreports. As the cited source in the article was published in the Los Angeles Times who interviewed Alvey, I think the source is fine. Themeparkgc Talk 00:09, 5 December 2013 (UTC)reply
NewsOK is an online website for The Oklahoman. Although it is labelled as a blog, the newspaper considers
Brandy McDonnell a journalist, who has worked for them for more than 11 years. I was under the impression that NewsOK would be under the same editorial oversight as the newspaper itself, hence its inclusion here. Themeparkgc Talk 00:09, 5 December 2013 (UTC)reply
On hold
Information in the article appears solid. Concerns about the second non-free image, some of the sources and external links. Main work needed is a copyedit to improve clarity and readability, and to build the lead section. Review put on hold for an initial seven days to allow concerns to be addressed. I am willing to extend as long as positive progress is being made or contact is being maintained. SilkTork✔Tea time18:04, 4 December 2013 (UTC)reply
I have completed a copy edit under the auspices of the
Guild of Copy Editors.
Here's a diff if you'd like to get a flavor for the changes I made. Feel free to modify my changes if something I changed runs contrary to accepted style or wording in the world of amusement parks. I tried to edit from the perspective of a lay reader with an interest in the topic but only superficial knowledge of it. –
Jonesey95 (
talk)
06:24, 5 December 2013 (UTC)reply