Oninaki has been listed as one of the
Video games good articles under the
good article criteria. If you can improve it further,
please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can
reassess it. Review: June 27, 2020. ( Reviewed version). |
Was anyone going to nominate this for Good Article status, or is it ok if I do that? I’d love to guide it through the process! Judgesurreal777 ( talk) 16:54, 6 June 2020 (UTC)
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Reviewing |
Reviewer: Alexandra IDV ( talk · contribs) 16:47, 24 June 2020 (UTC)
I'll review this. I'll return with comments soon, probably within the evening.-- Alexandra IDV 16:47, 24 June 2020 (UTC)
Oninaki is in a world- should be "is set in a world"
He works closely with his adopted father Kushi and his daughter Mayura- unclear if Mayura is Kushi's daughter or Kagachi's.
Kagachi meets a spirit girl he called Linne- "called" should probably be in present tense, but also: is that not her actual name, just something he refers to her as? If not, "meets the spirit girl Linne" works better. If it is, it should be clearer.
Kagachi finds the Night Devil, learning along the way that he is a fragment of his previous incarnation Soju,- there's a lot of "he" used in a row here, and it's unclear who is a fragment of whose past life.
Main producer Ryutaro Sasaki, who previously had a supporting role in the company's earlier titles- "previously" is entirely superfluous, since the earlier games couldn't have been made after Oninaki.
In the event, the team had to "self-censor" the narrative so the age rating in Japan would not be too high.- this sentence is unclear to me. What does "in the event" mean here?
A linguistic feature was the combination of kanji, hiragana and katakana characters within terminology, with katakana sounds being equivalent to hiragana counterparts. This stemmed from an early concept for the Watchers, "Guardian of the Departed", which the team put together using the different scripts. This was met with a positive response, and as writing it entirely in kanji would be difficult and less interesting, the multi-script style was kept in the final product.- I realize that writing about language in a different language can be hard, but I do not at all understand what this means.
Its earliest concepts- the last thing discussed was Kagachi's name, so you can't use "its" to refer back to the game. Reintroduce it with "the game" or "Oninaki".
A demo of the game, featuring the opening hour of its story and a mid-game dungeon area, was released in July.- please mention what year this was
While the demo was released too close to release- I know what you mean, but "released too close to release" reads weirdly. "Too close to the full game's release" might work better.
A soundtrack album was released on September 11 in Japan, published by Square Enix's music label.- again, please mention the year.
citing Oninaki as a sigh of- "sign of"
I think that's all. I will put this review on hold for seven days while awaiting improvements or responses - ping me when you have done so, or if you have any questions, and I will get back to you.-- Alexandra IDV 03:08, 25 June 2020 (UTC)
Oninaki has been listed as one of the
Video games good articles under the
good article criteria. If you can improve it further,
please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can
reassess it. Review: June 27, 2020. ( Reviewed version). |
This article is rated GA-class on Wikipedia's
content assessment scale. It is of interest to the following WikiProjects: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
Was anyone going to nominate this for Good Article status, or is it ok if I do that? I’d love to guide it through the process! Judgesurreal777 ( talk) 16:54, 6 June 2020 (UTC)
GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Reviewer: Alexandra IDV ( talk · contribs) 16:47, 24 June 2020 (UTC)
I'll review this. I'll return with comments soon, probably within the evening.-- Alexandra IDV 16:47, 24 June 2020 (UTC)
Oninaki is in a world- should be "is set in a world"
He works closely with his adopted father Kushi and his daughter Mayura- unclear if Mayura is Kushi's daughter or Kagachi's.
Kagachi meets a spirit girl he called Linne- "called" should probably be in present tense, but also: is that not her actual name, just something he refers to her as? If not, "meets the spirit girl Linne" works better. If it is, it should be clearer.
Kagachi finds the Night Devil, learning along the way that he is a fragment of his previous incarnation Soju,- there's a lot of "he" used in a row here, and it's unclear who is a fragment of whose past life.
Main producer Ryutaro Sasaki, who previously had a supporting role in the company's earlier titles- "previously" is entirely superfluous, since the earlier games couldn't have been made after Oninaki.
In the event, the team had to "self-censor" the narrative so the age rating in Japan would not be too high.- this sentence is unclear to me. What does "in the event" mean here?
A linguistic feature was the combination of kanji, hiragana and katakana characters within terminology, with katakana sounds being equivalent to hiragana counterparts. This stemmed from an early concept for the Watchers, "Guardian of the Departed", which the team put together using the different scripts. This was met with a positive response, and as writing it entirely in kanji would be difficult and less interesting, the multi-script style was kept in the final product.- I realize that writing about language in a different language can be hard, but I do not at all understand what this means.
Its earliest concepts- the last thing discussed was Kagachi's name, so you can't use "its" to refer back to the game. Reintroduce it with "the game" or "Oninaki".
A demo of the game, featuring the opening hour of its story and a mid-game dungeon area, was released in July.- please mention what year this was
While the demo was released too close to release- I know what you mean, but "released too close to release" reads weirdly. "Too close to the full game's release" might work better.
A soundtrack album was released on September 11 in Japan, published by Square Enix's music label.- again, please mention the year.
citing Oninaki as a sigh of- "sign of"
I think that's all. I will put this review on hold for seven days while awaiting improvements or responses - ping me when you have done so, or if you have any questions, and I will get back to you.-- Alexandra IDV 03:08, 25 June 2020 (UTC)