Lady (Devil May Cry) has been listed as one of the
Video games good articles under the
good article criteria. If you can improve it further,
please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can
reassess it. Review: August 21, 2018. ( Reviewed version). |
This article is rated GA-class on Wikipedia's
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Reviewer: Homeostasis07 ( talk · contribs) 21:52, 19 August 2018 (UTC)
Hi. I'll be reviewing this article over the next few hours. Homeostasis07 ( talk) 21:52, 19 August 2018 (UTC)
I hope you don't mind, but I've re-written the lead. This is basically how the rest of the article will look/read after I'm finished with the review, and is something I like to do while I'm reading the body of the article with the GA criteria in mind, and any necessary secondary pages (in this case, DMC3, DMC4 and Characters of Devil May Cry).
Creation and design
"While making her look like a capable fighter, Lady was given a school uniform to appeal to gamers."
It just feels as though there's an aspect to this sentence that isn't completely there yet. Perhaps something along the lines of "While the character's designers sought to portray her as a capable fighter, she was dressed in a school uniform in order to appeal to casual gamers."
Then you can remove "Character designer" from the next sentence, since the term was introduce in the previous sentence.
" Bingo Morihashi said that Lady was originally meant to be older than Dante. Hideaki Itsuno refused to agree to this believing Japanese players would prefer her younger."
These sentences naturally read as though they want to be one sentence. I'd suggest replacing the . with a ,
"Her appearance was "up in the air for much of development" so Morihashi wrote her with a clear visual in mind."
Wrote her what? I'm assuming 'dialogue', so I'd add that word to this sentence.
"Lady's sex appeal required adjusting scenes from the game."
What does this mean? Cutscenes? If this means what I think it means, it's a pretty big deal. I think this can be explained further.
"One artist felt he had more time with Lady rather than Kyrie."
Who is Kyrie? They aren't mentioned/explained anywhere else in the article, so it seems strange to mention her in this one sentence and not explain it. I played DMC4 and can't remember her: I'm assuming she's the main female character Nero interacts with during the game? I'd explain that.
"Originally, Lady was going to be an alternate skin for the game's playable characters"...
After reading the other articles, I know that this refers to DMC4: Special Edition, but the last game referred to by name in the article at this point is DMC3, so "the game's" is misleading. I'd change this to "Originally, Lady was intended to be included as an alternate skin for
Devil May Cry 4: Special Edition's playable characters, but Itsuno feared a negative backlash."
(there's also a typo here: "backslash" instead of "backlash").
Appearances
"antagonizing the demon hybrid Dante"
"Demon hybrid" just seems like unnecessary detail, to me. I'd change this to "antagonizing the protagonist Dante", or simply "antagonizing Dante"
"who is moved by her responsibility to stop Arkham's plans to open the world to the demons' world, and thus decides to take her place upon finding her exhausted."
Could be worded more succinctly. Something like "who eventually takes over her responsibility to stop her father's plans to destroy the world,"
That's basically what Arkham intends to do at the end of the game, isn't it?
Next session
@ Homeostasis07: Thanks for the lead's rewrite and your comments. I tried covering everything you pointed. Cheers. Tintor2 ( talk) 01:31, 20 August 2018 (UTC)
@ Homeostasis07: Thanks again for the revision. I added authors and dates to almost every source except those that said "PlayStation Team". Cheers. Tintor2 ( talk) 01:33, 21 August 2018 (UTC)
I'm satisfied that this article meets the GA criteria. Well done, Tintor! ;) Homeostasis07 ( talk) 22:34, 21 August 2018 (UTC)
@ Homeostasis07: Thanks for the copyedit and review. Good luck with Jill's article. Tintor2 ( talk) 22:53, 21 August 2018 (UTC)
Lady (Devil May Cry) has been listed as one of the
Video games good articles under the
good article criteria. If you can improve it further,
please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can
reassess it. Review: August 21, 2018. ( Reviewed version). |
This article is rated GA-class on Wikipedia's
content assessment scale. It is of interest to the following WikiProjects: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Reviewer: Homeostasis07 ( talk · contribs) 21:52, 19 August 2018 (UTC)
Hi. I'll be reviewing this article over the next few hours. Homeostasis07 ( talk) 21:52, 19 August 2018 (UTC)
I hope you don't mind, but I've re-written the lead. This is basically how the rest of the article will look/read after I'm finished with the review, and is something I like to do while I'm reading the body of the article with the GA criteria in mind, and any necessary secondary pages (in this case, DMC3, DMC4 and Characters of Devil May Cry).
Creation and design
"While making her look like a capable fighter, Lady was given a school uniform to appeal to gamers."
It just feels as though there's an aspect to this sentence that isn't completely there yet. Perhaps something along the lines of "While the character's designers sought to portray her as a capable fighter, she was dressed in a school uniform in order to appeal to casual gamers."
Then you can remove "Character designer" from the next sentence, since the term was introduce in the previous sentence.
" Bingo Morihashi said that Lady was originally meant to be older than Dante. Hideaki Itsuno refused to agree to this believing Japanese players would prefer her younger."
These sentences naturally read as though they want to be one sentence. I'd suggest replacing the . with a ,
"Her appearance was "up in the air for much of development" so Morihashi wrote her with a clear visual in mind."
Wrote her what? I'm assuming 'dialogue', so I'd add that word to this sentence.
"Lady's sex appeal required adjusting scenes from the game."
What does this mean? Cutscenes? If this means what I think it means, it's a pretty big deal. I think this can be explained further.
"One artist felt he had more time with Lady rather than Kyrie."
Who is Kyrie? They aren't mentioned/explained anywhere else in the article, so it seems strange to mention her in this one sentence and not explain it. I played DMC4 and can't remember her: I'm assuming she's the main female character Nero interacts with during the game? I'd explain that.
"Originally, Lady was going to be an alternate skin for the game's playable characters"...
After reading the other articles, I know that this refers to DMC4: Special Edition, but the last game referred to by name in the article at this point is DMC3, so "the game's" is misleading. I'd change this to "Originally, Lady was intended to be included as an alternate skin for
Devil May Cry 4: Special Edition's playable characters, but Itsuno feared a negative backlash."
(there's also a typo here: "backslash" instead of "backlash").
Appearances
"antagonizing the demon hybrid Dante"
"Demon hybrid" just seems like unnecessary detail, to me. I'd change this to "antagonizing the protagonist Dante", or simply "antagonizing Dante"
"who is moved by her responsibility to stop Arkham's plans to open the world to the demons' world, and thus decides to take her place upon finding her exhausted."
Could be worded more succinctly. Something like "who eventually takes over her responsibility to stop her father's plans to destroy the world,"
That's basically what Arkham intends to do at the end of the game, isn't it?
Next session
@ Homeostasis07: Thanks for the lead's rewrite and your comments. I tried covering everything you pointed. Cheers. Tintor2 ( talk) 01:31, 20 August 2018 (UTC)
@ Homeostasis07: Thanks again for the revision. I added authors and dates to almost every source except those that said "PlayStation Team". Cheers. Tintor2 ( talk) 01:33, 21 August 2018 (UTC)
I'm satisfied that this article meets the GA criteria. Well done, Tintor! ;) Homeostasis07 ( talk) 22:34, 21 August 2018 (UTC)
@ Homeostasis07: Thanks for the copyedit and review. Good luck with Jill's article. Tintor2 ( talk) 22:53, 21 August 2018 (UTC)