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I have just modified one external link on Kamui Shirō. Please take a moment to review my edit. If you have any questions, or need the bot to ignore the links, or the page altogether, please visit this simple FaQ for additional information. I made the following changes:
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Reviewer: TeenAngels1234 ( talk · contribs) 21:12, 8 December 2020 (UTC)
@ Tintor2: Okay. I want to review this article. Let's start with the lead' incipit.
The prose is too dry. What "to face his destiny" refers to, anyway?
This sentence doesn't even have a comma, and ties in badly with the previous one.
Try removing "several" and listing them. If you fear that there are too many, add a simple "depending on the appearance", or something similar.
@ TeenAngels1234: Thanks for the quick review. I'll try following any advice. Tintor2 ( talk) 22:25, 8 December 2020 (UTC)
@ Tintor2: * "by voice actors" in the lead now still sounds bad. So, just try to write their names.
Confusing sentence. Does it matter, anyway?
@ TeenAngels1234: About the actors I just left them "()" to avoid repeated words. Tell me if you think there is a better solution. Sadly, I only know of Suzumura's impression of the character thanks to the TV series' dvds. I couldn't find commentary about the others. Tintor2 ( talk) 21:48, 9 December 2020 (UTC)
Him? Who?
There's something wrong in the sentence, I guess.
Redundance here.
Uhm? What does this mean? Sounds meaningless to me, or at lest tautologic/redundant.
Delete one of the "another"s and add a comma after series.
You mean, "while considers it"?
"Since the latter" maybe fits better.-- TeenAngels1234 ( talk) 00:06, 10 December 2020 (UTC)
@ TeenAngels1234: I hope it works. Tintor2 ( talk) 00:29, 10 December 2020 (UTC)
GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria
Dani Cavallaro's publications have been designated as generally unreliable sources in this discussion at the reliable sources noticeboard. Citations to her work can be replaced with more high-quality ones or removed, and the tag can be taken off once complete. Charcoal feather ( talk) 16:10, 7 June 2024 (UTC)
![]() | Kamui Shiro has been listed as one of the
Media and drama good articles under the
good article criteria. If you can improve it further,
please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can
reassess it. Review: December 11, 2020. ( Reviewed version). |
![]() | This article is rated GA-class on Wikipedia's
content assessment scale. It is of interest to the following WikiProjects: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
![]() | This article links to one or more target anchors that no longer exist.
Please help fix the broken anchors. You can remove this template after fixing the problems. |
Reporting errors |
Hello fellow Wikipedians,
I have just modified one external link on Kamui Shirō. Please take a moment to review my edit. If you have any questions, or need the bot to ignore the links, or the page altogether, please visit this simple FaQ for additional information. I made the following changes:
When you have finished reviewing my changes, you may follow the instructions on the template below to fix any issues with the URLs.
This message was posted before February 2018.
After February 2018, "External links modified" talk page sections are no longer generated or monitored by InternetArchiveBot. No special action is required regarding these talk page notices, other than
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have permission to delete these "External links modified" talk page sections if they want to de-clutter talk pages, but see the
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source check}}
(last update: 5 June 2024).
Cheers.— InternetArchiveBot ( Report bug) 19:21, 5 December 2017 (UTC)
GA toolbox |
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Reviewing |
Reviewer: TeenAngels1234 ( talk · contribs) 21:12, 8 December 2020 (UTC)
@ Tintor2: Okay. I want to review this article. Let's start with the lead' incipit.
The prose is too dry. What "to face his destiny" refers to, anyway?
This sentence doesn't even have a comma, and ties in badly with the previous one.
Try removing "several" and listing them. If you fear that there are too many, add a simple "depending on the appearance", or something similar.
@ TeenAngels1234: Thanks for the quick review. I'll try following any advice. Tintor2 ( talk) 22:25, 8 December 2020 (UTC)
@ Tintor2: * "by voice actors" in the lead now still sounds bad. So, just try to write their names.
Confusing sentence. Does it matter, anyway?
@ TeenAngels1234: About the actors I just left them "()" to avoid repeated words. Tell me if you think there is a better solution. Sadly, I only know of Suzumura's impression of the character thanks to the TV series' dvds. I couldn't find commentary about the others. Tintor2 ( talk) 21:48, 9 December 2020 (UTC)
Him? Who?
There's something wrong in the sentence, I guess.
Redundance here.
Uhm? What does this mean? Sounds meaningless to me, or at lest tautologic/redundant.
Delete one of the "another"s and add a comma after series.
You mean, "while considers it"?
"Since the latter" maybe fits better.-- TeenAngels1234 ( talk) 00:06, 10 December 2020 (UTC)
@ TeenAngels1234: I hope it works. Tintor2 ( talk) 00:29, 10 December 2020 (UTC)
GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria
Dani Cavallaro's publications have been designated as generally unreliable sources in this discussion at the reliable sources noticeboard. Citations to her work can be replaced with more high-quality ones or removed, and the tag can be taken off once complete. Charcoal feather ( talk) 16:10, 7 June 2024 (UTC)