"whose reign is through truth" - as 'truth' is linked with the article asha, perhaps the word should be included in the text somehow, e.g. "whose reign is through truth (
asha)".
the Parthian (Arsacid) Empire - there are two links here that link to identical articles, only one is needed.
In the Sources section, add links for Shahbazi, A. Shapur (second source); Michael Stausberg.
In the 'Rise' section, I would move the link
Siege of Antioch (253) to ...siege of Antioch in 253., and link Antioch within ...in the conquest of Antioch..
I would start a new paragraph after Hormizd is mentioned in an inscription…, and perhaps another short one after When Shapur I was on his deathbed….
Reign
It is unclear why Hormizd catered to these two figures,… - this sounds odd (c/e to improve the text by replacing 'catered' and 'figures').
I notice that Daryaee (p. 10) says Hormizd was "associated with good rule" and that he was fearless and extremely loyal to Shabuhr I. Is this worth adding to the section?
I prefer not use Daryaee in this instance since a lot of the things he says is questionable. For example Hormizd ruling in Khorasan instead of Armenia, which is a first. --
HistoryofIran (
talk)
18:01, 26 October 2019 (UTC)reply
Understood. --Ami
...Ohrmazd-Ardashir … - precede with 'the city of'.
...in some instances… - any chance of being more specific here?
Modern historians consider Hormizd to be its actual founder. - This appears to duplicate the previous sentence: Hormizd is credited as the founder of Ohrmazd-Ardashir …. I would combine the two, making it 'Hormizd is credited by modern historians as the founder of Ohrmazd-Ardashir...'.
Schmitt, Wiesehöfer and Shahbazi (2016a) are missing from this section.
Sources
Replace the current url for Daryaee with
this (Internet Archive, full text).
The Encyclopaedia Iranica sources need be consistently set out (perhaps employing the style used for Ādur-Anāhīd).
This page from Encyclopaedia Iranica shows how the Encyclopaedia itself would like to be cited.
On hold
Hello HistoryofIran, my comments are mostly minor improvements that can be quickly sorted. Once again, your work is thorough, and you have made my work easy—many thanks. I still have to check a few references and have a final look once you have addressed the issues raised, but I don't anticipate any problems. I'll put the article on hold for a week. Best wishes,
Amitchell125 (
talk)
13:39, 26 October 2019 (UTC)reply
I think that should be it. If you don't mind, I can cross the issues from now, as I assume it might be a bit problematic for you to do it when I rarely write in my edit summaries (I will try to improve in that bit). --
HistoryofIran (
talk)
18:23, 26 October 2019 (UTC)reply
"whose reign is through truth" - as 'truth' is linked with the article asha, perhaps the word should be included in the text somehow, e.g. "whose reign is through truth (
asha)".
the Parthian (Arsacid) Empire - there are two links here that link to identical articles, only one is needed.
In the Sources section, add links for Shahbazi, A. Shapur (second source); Michael Stausberg.
In the 'Rise' section, I would move the link
Siege of Antioch (253) to ...siege of Antioch in 253., and link Antioch within ...in the conquest of Antioch..
I would start a new paragraph after Hormizd is mentioned in an inscription…, and perhaps another short one after When Shapur I was on his deathbed….
Reign
It is unclear why Hormizd catered to these two figures,… - this sounds odd (c/e to improve the text by replacing 'catered' and 'figures').
I notice that Daryaee (p. 10) says Hormizd was "associated with good rule" and that he was fearless and extremely loyal to Shabuhr I. Is this worth adding to the section?
I prefer not use Daryaee in this instance since a lot of the things he says is questionable. For example Hormizd ruling in Khorasan instead of Armenia, which is a first. --
HistoryofIran (
talk)
18:01, 26 October 2019 (UTC)reply
Understood. --Ami
...Ohrmazd-Ardashir … - precede with 'the city of'.
...in some instances… - any chance of being more specific here?
Modern historians consider Hormizd to be its actual founder. - This appears to duplicate the previous sentence: Hormizd is credited as the founder of Ohrmazd-Ardashir …. I would combine the two, making it 'Hormizd is credited by modern historians as the founder of Ohrmazd-Ardashir...'.
Schmitt, Wiesehöfer and Shahbazi (2016a) are missing from this section.
Sources
Replace the current url for Daryaee with
this (Internet Archive, full text).
The Encyclopaedia Iranica sources need be consistently set out (perhaps employing the style used for Ādur-Anāhīd).
This page from Encyclopaedia Iranica shows how the Encyclopaedia itself would like to be cited.
On hold
Hello HistoryofIran, my comments are mostly minor improvements that can be quickly sorted. Once again, your work is thorough, and you have made my work easy—many thanks. I still have to check a few references and have a final look once you have addressed the issues raised, but I don't anticipate any problems. I'll put the article on hold for a week. Best wishes,
Amitchell125 (
talk)
13:39, 26 October 2019 (UTC)reply
I think that should be it. If you don't mind, I can cross the issues from now, as I assume it might be a bit problematic for you to do it when I rarely write in my edit summaries (I will try to improve in that bit). --
HistoryofIran (
talk)
18:23, 26 October 2019 (UTC)reply