The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Gonzo fan2007 ( talk · contribs) 22:12, 22 August 2023 (UTC)
Lead
- Delete
for a time
, too colloquial at which he served
, you use "in which" later in the lead, which sounds better to mefor 20 seasons, and was their all-time wins
comma not needed
Early life and education
- Link pre-medical.
Coaching career
Lappenbusch was hired by the school as assistant line coach in 1931.
, not immediately apparent to the layman that this is referencing American footballmass produced
should have a dash in itof the day including Frank Leahy of Notre Dame.
comma before including
Personal life and death
- I'm not sure the first 2 sentences are encyclopedic. Anyway to merge them or summarize them in a more encyclopedia way? The way the yare written almost seem like "fun facts"
- I deleted the second sentence. I slightly reworded the first one - I kind of like it, but I can remove it if you want.
- This is fine. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 02:16, 23 August 2023 (UTC)
- I deleted the second sentence. I slightly reworded the first one - I kind of like it, but I can remove it if you want.
Works
- No comments
Head coaching record
- Could you distinguish that it is football without using a section header? Typically we don't have a single sub-header like this.
- As for as I'm aware that's how its done for college coaches of multiple sports, but I could change it to perhaps "Head football coaching record" if you'd like.
- I think that makes sense since there are no other records in that section, just football.
« Gonzo fan2007
(talk) @
02:16, 23 August 2023 (UTC)
- Done. BeanieFan11 ( talk) 02:18, 23 August 2023 (UTC)
- I think that makes sense since there are no other records in that section, just football.
« Gonzo fan2007
(talk) @
02:16, 23 August 2023 (UTC)
- As for as I'm aware that's how its done for college coaches of multiple sports, but I could change it to perhaps "Head football coaching record" if you'd like.
- Add the text "Source:" before Ref #14
- I'm sorry, I'm not exactly understanding what you're asking me to do - could you elaborate? I'm not exactly sure adding "Source:" after
and died in September 1996 in Enumclaw, Washington
would make sense.- I fixed it. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 02:16, 23 August 2023 (UTC)
- I'm sorry, I'm not exactly understanding what you're asking me to do - could you elaborate? I'm not exactly sure adding "Source:" after
References
- Spot check:
- 3 looks good.
- 4 looks good.
- 8 looks good.
- 11 looks good.
- 12 looks good
Images
- Image is non-free but appears appropriate.
Looks good, putting on hold. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 22:12, 22 August 2023 (UTC)
- @
Gonzo fan2007: I've either fixed or replied to each of your points.
BeanieFan11 (
talk)
01:00, 23 August 2023 (UTC)
- Nice work, passed. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 02:35, 23 August 2023 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
|
history) ·
Watch
Reviewer: Gonzo fan2007 ( talk · contribs) 22:12, 22 August 2023 (UTC)
Lead
- Delete
for a time
, too colloquial at which he served
, you use "in which" later in the lead, which sounds better to mefor 20 seasons, and was their all-time wins
comma not needed
Early life and education
- Link pre-medical.
Coaching career
Lappenbusch was hired by the school as assistant line coach in 1931.
, not immediately apparent to the layman that this is referencing American footballmass produced
should have a dash in itof the day including Frank Leahy of Notre Dame.
comma before including
Personal life and death
- I'm not sure the first 2 sentences are encyclopedic. Anyway to merge them or summarize them in a more encyclopedia way? The way the yare written almost seem like "fun facts"
- I deleted the second sentence. I slightly reworded the first one - I kind of like it, but I can remove it if you want.
- This is fine. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 02:16, 23 August 2023 (UTC)
- I deleted the second sentence. I slightly reworded the first one - I kind of like it, but I can remove it if you want.
Works
- No comments
Head coaching record
- Could you distinguish that it is football without using a section header? Typically we don't have a single sub-header like this.
- As for as I'm aware that's how its done for college coaches of multiple sports, but I could change it to perhaps "Head football coaching record" if you'd like.
- I think that makes sense since there are no other records in that section, just football.
« Gonzo fan2007
(talk) @
02:16, 23 August 2023 (UTC)
- Done. BeanieFan11 ( talk) 02:18, 23 August 2023 (UTC)
- I think that makes sense since there are no other records in that section, just football.
« Gonzo fan2007
(talk) @
02:16, 23 August 2023 (UTC)
- As for as I'm aware that's how its done for college coaches of multiple sports, but I could change it to perhaps "Head football coaching record" if you'd like.
- Add the text "Source:" before Ref #14
- I'm sorry, I'm not exactly understanding what you're asking me to do - could you elaborate? I'm not exactly sure adding "Source:" after
and died in September 1996 in Enumclaw, Washington
would make sense.- I fixed it. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 02:16, 23 August 2023 (UTC)
- I'm sorry, I'm not exactly understanding what you're asking me to do - could you elaborate? I'm not exactly sure adding "Source:" after
References
- Spot check:
- 3 looks good.
- 4 looks good.
- 8 looks good.
- 11 looks good.
- 12 looks good
Images
- Image is non-free but appears appropriate.
Looks good, putting on hold. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 22:12, 22 August 2023 (UTC)
- @
Gonzo fan2007: I've either fixed or replied to each of your points.
BeanieFan11 (
talk)
01:00, 23 August 2023 (UTC)
- Nice work, passed. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 02:35, 23 August 2023 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.