While there are a lot of primary sources used in the article, they are all the subject's YouTube videos and channel, and I don't see primary sources that violate
WP:RSPYT or
WP:SELFSOURCE, or support anything controversial or contentious, so I'm comfortable giving this article a pass. Well done.
PCN02WPS (
talk |
contribs)
06:12, 18 April 2022 (UTC)reply
Lead and infobox
The first sentence of the article is very long, I'd recommend breaking the sentence after "taking his life".
Death date is given twice in the lead, I'd think this is not necessary.
I've replaced the second date with a year. I noticed now while editing that I wrote about his year of death in the second paragraph as well: His YouTube career lasted from 2006 until his death in 2021. Should the year be removed in one of these sentences?
ArcticSeeress (
talk)
15:00, 7 April 2022 (UTC)reply
comma needed after "Kongsberg, Norway" per
MOS:GEOCOMMA
are there dates/years available for his 100,000 and 1,000,000 creator awards?
I could only find one for a million subscribers on his about page (i.e. 2020). According to
this article, he had 53,000 in 2015. He may or may not have written about getting 100,000 in one of his videos anywhere between those dates, but checking that will have to wait until I'm done with the rest of the review.
ArcticSeeress (
talk)
15:00, 7 April 2022 (UTC)reply
Years active "2006-2021" → an en-dash should be used per
MOS:DATERANGE
The first sentence, which contains his birth date, birth place, and his move to Sandefjord, is not sourced.
Looks like I put another source between that and the Insider source that confirmed his date of birth; fixed. Also, the source does state his birth place and move to Sandefjord: "Født i Kristiansund", "Bodd på Mosserød i Sandefjord fra han var 6 år".
ArcticSeeress (
talk)
17:40, 8 April 2022 (UTC)reply
"According to his about page on YouTube" → to someone unfamiliar with the platform, this would sound very strange; perhaps reword to simply read "According to his YouTube page.."?
The Insider source did originally state that it was in the "about" section of his page, but perhaps that's a level of detail that isn't necessary here. Removed.
ArcticSeeress (
talk)
17:40, 8 April 2022 (UTC)reply
"nor did he drink alcohol often outside of his videos" → add bolded word
A few issues with this sentence: "In November 2018, Eckhoff uploaded a video to YouTube revealing that he had been diagnosed with colorectal cancer earlier that year in March—which he clarified was not due to lifestyle choices, but from chronic inflammatory bowel disease—undergoing surgery later in June"
"earlier that year in March" → "in March of that year" or something similar
I'd recommend splitting this sentence into two since it reads confusingly if you take out the bit between the dashes. Perhaps a full stop before "which he clarified" and begin the second sentence with "He clarified that the cancer was not due to lifestyle..." and add that he underwent surgery in June to the end of one of the two sentences.
This sounds like it is a direct quote from the subject and sounds a bit out of place when stated factually like this; if this is a quote from Apetor I'd put it in quotation marks and I'd say remove it if not.
"He mostly recorded without anyone else present, including his more dangerous videos" → perhaps reword this just a bit
What exactly is strange about this sentence? Nothing strikes me as particularly off here. Anyhow, I've rewritten it to add more information from the source.
ArcticSeeress (
talk)
17:40, 8 April 2022 (UTC)reply
"acquiring over a million views in the span of a week" →
MOS:NUMNOTES touches on this just a bit, but replacing "a million" with "one million" reads better to me.
"...he was encouraged to upload more videos like it, and established the business..." → break this into two sentences, with a full stop after "like it" and with "and" replaced with "He"
"As of November 2021, his videos have been viewed over 390 million times, and his channel has over 1.2 million subscribers" → this does not agree with the numbers given in the infobox, and it sounds strange to have an "as of" statement that is not up to date, so I'd consider either updating this to the present day or switching to something like "At the time of his death"
Right, this already existed in the earliest version of the article, and I added the "as of" when I first started editing it. I've replaced it with "by the time of his death".
ArcticSeeress (
talk)
18:33, 8 April 2022 (UTC)reply
"over 50 years old to get a million subscribers" → reword to "over 50 years old to reach one million subscribers" (changes in bold)
"makes him one of the most popular YouTubers in Norway" → I'd switch to past tense since he is no longer alive and therefore not active on the platform
"...channels in Norway and internationally, e.g. after the news section of the Norwegian..." → "e.g." is acceptable for use in articles but it sounds out of place here. I'd go for something like "including" instead
"...compared him to Mr. Bean, adding further..." → currently links to
Mr. Bean (the TV show); if you're talking about the character then you'll want to link to
Mr. Bean (character)
"Analysts on Discovery Channel, for example, surmised his alcohol intake..." → per
MOS:SAID, To write that someone ... surmised can suggest the degree of the person's carefulness, resoluteness, or access to evidence, even when such things are unverifiable. I'd recommend replacing this word.
"in the 2022 Harald Zwart film Lange flate ballær 3, the sequel to Lange Flate Ballær and Lange Flate Ballær 2, with him playing a villain." → Is there a reason why the first and second editions are all capitalized and not italicized, but the third is both italicized and written in mostly lowercase?
while linking the full name of CPR is not incorrect and technically doesn't have to be changed, I think using just "...who performed CPR..." would read easier. This one is up to you though.
While there are a lot of primary sources used in the article, they are all the subject's YouTube videos and channel, and I don't see primary sources that violate
WP:RSPYT or
WP:SELFSOURCE, or support anything controversial or contentious, so I'm comfortable giving this article a pass. Well done.
PCN02WPS (
talk |
contribs)
06:12, 18 April 2022 (UTC)reply
Lead and infobox
The first sentence of the article is very long, I'd recommend breaking the sentence after "taking his life".
Death date is given twice in the lead, I'd think this is not necessary.
I've replaced the second date with a year. I noticed now while editing that I wrote about his year of death in the second paragraph as well: His YouTube career lasted from 2006 until his death in 2021. Should the year be removed in one of these sentences?
ArcticSeeress (
talk)
15:00, 7 April 2022 (UTC)reply
comma needed after "Kongsberg, Norway" per
MOS:GEOCOMMA
are there dates/years available for his 100,000 and 1,000,000 creator awards?
I could only find one for a million subscribers on his about page (i.e. 2020). According to
this article, he had 53,000 in 2015. He may or may not have written about getting 100,000 in one of his videos anywhere between those dates, but checking that will have to wait until I'm done with the rest of the review.
ArcticSeeress (
talk)
15:00, 7 April 2022 (UTC)reply
Years active "2006-2021" → an en-dash should be used per
MOS:DATERANGE
The first sentence, which contains his birth date, birth place, and his move to Sandefjord, is not sourced.
Looks like I put another source between that and the Insider source that confirmed his date of birth; fixed. Also, the source does state his birth place and move to Sandefjord: "Født i Kristiansund", "Bodd på Mosserød i Sandefjord fra han var 6 år".
ArcticSeeress (
talk)
17:40, 8 April 2022 (UTC)reply
"According to his about page on YouTube" → to someone unfamiliar with the platform, this would sound very strange; perhaps reword to simply read "According to his YouTube page.."?
The Insider source did originally state that it was in the "about" section of his page, but perhaps that's a level of detail that isn't necessary here. Removed.
ArcticSeeress (
talk)
17:40, 8 April 2022 (UTC)reply
"nor did he drink alcohol often outside of his videos" → add bolded word
A few issues with this sentence: "In November 2018, Eckhoff uploaded a video to YouTube revealing that he had been diagnosed with colorectal cancer earlier that year in March—which he clarified was not due to lifestyle choices, but from chronic inflammatory bowel disease—undergoing surgery later in June"
"earlier that year in March" → "in March of that year" or something similar
I'd recommend splitting this sentence into two since it reads confusingly if you take out the bit between the dashes. Perhaps a full stop before "which he clarified" and begin the second sentence with "He clarified that the cancer was not due to lifestyle..." and add that he underwent surgery in June to the end of one of the two sentences.
This sounds like it is a direct quote from the subject and sounds a bit out of place when stated factually like this; if this is a quote from Apetor I'd put it in quotation marks and I'd say remove it if not.
"He mostly recorded without anyone else present, including his more dangerous videos" → perhaps reword this just a bit
What exactly is strange about this sentence? Nothing strikes me as particularly off here. Anyhow, I've rewritten it to add more information from the source.
ArcticSeeress (
talk)
17:40, 8 April 2022 (UTC)reply
"acquiring over a million views in the span of a week" →
MOS:NUMNOTES touches on this just a bit, but replacing "a million" with "one million" reads better to me.
"...he was encouraged to upload more videos like it, and established the business..." → break this into two sentences, with a full stop after "like it" and with "and" replaced with "He"
"As of November 2021, his videos have been viewed over 390 million times, and his channel has over 1.2 million subscribers" → this does not agree with the numbers given in the infobox, and it sounds strange to have an "as of" statement that is not up to date, so I'd consider either updating this to the present day or switching to something like "At the time of his death"
Right, this already existed in the earliest version of the article, and I added the "as of" when I first started editing it. I've replaced it with "by the time of his death".
ArcticSeeress (
talk)
18:33, 8 April 2022 (UTC)reply
"over 50 years old to get a million subscribers" → reword to "over 50 years old to reach one million subscribers" (changes in bold)
"makes him one of the most popular YouTubers in Norway" → I'd switch to past tense since he is no longer alive and therefore not active on the platform
"...channels in Norway and internationally, e.g. after the news section of the Norwegian..." → "e.g." is acceptable for use in articles but it sounds out of place here. I'd go for something like "including" instead
"...compared him to Mr. Bean, adding further..." → currently links to
Mr. Bean (the TV show); if you're talking about the character then you'll want to link to
Mr. Bean (character)
"Analysts on Discovery Channel, for example, surmised his alcohol intake..." → per
MOS:SAID, To write that someone ... surmised can suggest the degree of the person's carefulness, resoluteness, or access to evidence, even when such things are unverifiable. I'd recommend replacing this word.
"in the 2022 Harald Zwart film Lange flate ballær 3, the sequel to Lange Flate Ballær and Lange Flate Ballær 2, with him playing a villain." → Is there a reason why the first and second editions are all capitalized and not italicized, but the third is both italicized and written in mostly lowercase?
while linking the full name of CPR is not incorrect and technically doesn't have to be changed, I think using just "...who performed CPR..." would read easier. This one is up to you though.