GA review (see
here for criteria) (see
here for this contributor's history of GA reviews)
It is reasonably well written:
Comments
"it has the distinction of being the longest serving Australian Army division." - sounds a little editorialized. Could you word it to be more neutral?
I'm not sure about this, it is actually a direct quote from the source. I've added the quotation marks. I'm open to rewording it, but can't think of how to do it without changing the meaning.
AustralianRupert (
talk)
09:49, 24 November 2010 (UTC)reply
I replaced the word "distinction," see how it looks. My concern is that by using that word the article implies serving is a "distinction." —
Ed!(talk)20:13, 24 November 2010 (UTC)reply
World War II, Home duties section: "Major General Stanley Savige, an experienced officer who had commanded at brigade level in the Middle East, took over command of the division" - did he command a brigade in combat? What was the contingency and why was he commanding in the Middle East? Needs a little context.
"New Guinea, 1943–1944" section: Add a little context to this part so people don't have to link to another page. Who were they fighting? What were their aims?
The "Structure" section looks very awkward. I would suggest integrating the OrBats directly into the relevant sections using
Template:Command structure.
I would also suggest putting some info in about anyone notable who fought as a member of the division...VC winners, future generals, otherwise notable people, etc. Surely plenty of notable Australians were a part of the unit during its existence.
I've added a couple of VC recipients, but to be honest I'm not sure about this one, there doesn't appear to be list of notable members in the divisional history, so I'm not sure how to go about working out who should be mentioned. Ultimately, though, I think we need to be careful only to mention those that are notable for their service as part of the division, otherwise it could go too far. Not sure if this adequately answers your question, though, sorry.
AustralianRupert (
talk)
09:49, 24 November 2010 (UTC)reply
GA review (see
here for criteria) (see
here for this contributor's history of GA reviews)
It is reasonably well written:
Comments
"it has the distinction of being the longest serving Australian Army division." - sounds a little editorialized. Could you word it to be more neutral?
I'm not sure about this, it is actually a direct quote from the source. I've added the quotation marks. I'm open to rewording it, but can't think of how to do it without changing the meaning.
AustralianRupert (
talk)
09:49, 24 November 2010 (UTC)reply
I replaced the word "distinction," see how it looks. My concern is that by using that word the article implies serving is a "distinction." —
Ed!(talk)20:13, 24 November 2010 (UTC)reply
World War II, Home duties section: "Major General Stanley Savige, an experienced officer who had commanded at brigade level in the Middle East, took over command of the division" - did he command a brigade in combat? What was the contingency and why was he commanding in the Middle East? Needs a little context.
"New Guinea, 1943–1944" section: Add a little context to this part so people don't have to link to another page. Who were they fighting? What were their aims?
The "Structure" section looks very awkward. I would suggest integrating the OrBats directly into the relevant sections using
Template:Command structure.
I would also suggest putting some info in about anyone notable who fought as a member of the division...VC winners, future generals, otherwise notable people, etc. Surely plenty of notable Australians were a part of the unit during its existence.
I've added a couple of VC recipients, but to be honest I'm not sure about this one, there doesn't appear to be list of notable members in the divisional history, so I'm not sure how to go about working out who should be mentioned. Ultimately, though, I think we need to be careful only to mention those that are notable for their service as part of the division, otherwise it could go too far. Not sure if this adequately answers your question, though, sorry.
AustralianRupert (
talk)
09:49, 24 November 2010 (UTC)reply