New lead looks better. Actually even the one that you are showing as "original" had evolved over what we had at beginning of FA. Personally, I would move the first couple sentences of second para (in proposed) up to end of first paragraph. Then that whole para has a nice single topic of geography.
- Done. — Amakuru ( talk) 12:10, 30 June 2011 (UTC)
I feel ya on how writing the lead is not as formulaic as "did we follow a formatting rule". Nevertheless is important for the reader to get a well-structured essay. Feel like we are getting there. Kudos, and let's get this article a star! TCO ( talk) 18:07, 28 June 2011 (UTC)
New lead looks better. Actually even the one that you are showing as "original" had evolved over what we had at beginning of FA. Personally, I would move the first couple sentences of second para (in proposed) up to end of first paragraph. Then that whole para has a nice single topic of geography.
- Done. — Amakuru ( talk) 12:10, 30 June 2011 (UTC)
I feel ya on how writing the lead is not as formulaic as "did we follow a formatting rule". Nevertheless is important for the reader to get a well-structured essay. Feel like we are getting there. Kudos, and let's get this article a star! TCO ( talk) 18:07, 28 June 2011 (UTC)