 | This page contains material that is kept because it is considered
humorous. Such material is not meant to be taken seriously. |
Prepared with commentary by Kingsif and SSSB
This report wears a humor hat for a reason; we poke fun at the articles, and their subjects, that appear. Sometimes we have been deemed a little too insensitive. In this report, we are not laughing - not with war in our time. May Eastern Europe see peace.
Rank Article Class Views Image Notes/about 1 Ukraine 
6,749,176 
Where to begin? A long, long, time ago, the hardiest of early humans decided to settle in the cold, cold shadow of the Ural Mountains. Fast forward some millennia and different groups of these people lived in different cities and had different ideas, as ever aware of the perpetual human conundrum of empathy and understanding. In this land was born an Empire, led by Russia (#9). As empires must, it fell, and so emerged a new empire, a nation of states under one ideology, the Soviet Union (#10). Russia was still the big brother. In this union, comrade Putin (#3) was given certain powers, working intelligence that had him straddle politics and military. Reportedly, his enamoration with the union's ideals was second to none, and he did not take it well when this empire, too, fell. Spectacularly. Out of big brother's shadow emerged Ukraine (#1), the nation of Mila Kunis, endless "Chernobyl fallout" (would-be #27) jokes, and surprisingly good Eurovision entries. A new idea came to its people, many of whom identified only as its people, with this Western thing called democracy. It was not the only element of the political West that Ukraine began to adopt over the next three decades, moving ever further from its past leaders and brothers, while physically staying tucked right next to them.
Washington, D.C., 1949. A group of Western nations fear the influence and attack capabilities of the Soviet Union and sign the North Atlantic Treaty, creating an organisation (#6) to uphold it. A new empire, but without administrative powers. Over the next seventy years, more and more nations asked to become members (#8) - including, ultimately, many former Soviet nations still fearing Russia. Alone, they were small along Big Red's borders. With NATO, they became absorbed into a formerly-hostile blob sludging further east, promising defence but requiring reciprocity.
If you take out a globe, Russia looks as big as it sounds - hi, Siberia - but for all its land, it is sorely lacking in sea, an historic marker of power and present marker of independent trading capacity. The Arctic to the north is not only inhospitable, but must pass Scandinavia or North America - or shimmy around the Baltic. Ships from Kaliningrad still must pass the UK. North America and Japan await before the Russian Far East can sail into Asian waters. In Europe, Ukraine - the Crimean peninsula (#21) - blocks the way through the Sea of Azov and the Black Sea. It is the last channel out that is away from a union able to water-lock Russia from all directions in one action. The Balkans join NATO through the early 2000s. In 2014, new tensions (#4) fully kick off. The Ukrainian president is deposed for swerving back towards Russian, rather than EU, influence. Independence referendums are held in the Donbas (#20), regions of Ukraine closest to Russia with large separatist movements. The referendums are not recognised by the international community. Russia supports uprisings in the Donbas (#19) to attempt to enforce these referendums by force; it also seizes Crimea (#24), but fails to take any land connecting its mainland to the peninsula. Ukrainian waters are still in the way. Unrest sizzles. Ukraine dams the water supply to Crimea. Russia holds a Winter Olympics. Two years later it gets kicked out of a Summer Olympics, and two years after that holds a World Cup.
Kyiv (#17), 2019. A comedian, Zelenskyy (#5), wins the Ukrainian presidential election. Another television personality leading a country, and so close to Russia? Some were skeptical. Would Putin see him as an easy man to conquer? Russia and Ukraine agree to scale back tensions by the end of the year. In 2020, Zelenskyy announces his plans for Ukraine to join NATO. In 2021, NATO agrees to help them on their way to membership, needing no active conflicts first. Putin begins espousing the historic connections of Russia and Ukraine. A lot. He begins amassing his troops on the border. (#11) Few believed he would cross it. This week, he did (#2).2 2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine
5,939,016 
3 Vladimir Putin 
5,150,084 
4 Russo-Ukrainian War
3,676,985 
5 Volodymyr Zelenskyy
3,615,762 
6 NATO 
3,278,049 
7 Anna Sorokin
2,928,999 
Sorokin is the only thing preventing a top-ten monopoly of the ongoing Ukraine-Russia crisis. She was born in the Soviet Union (#10), but her place on the list comes from being the subject of a Netflix show (#22). From a quick, distracted, read of our article on her, it looks like she pretended to be an heiress and committed a lot of service theft: pictured is a hotel she lived in and was kicked out of for never paying. 8 Member states of NATO 
2,667,378 
See #1-6 (it's just easier that way) 9 Russia
1,590,249 
10 Soviet Union
1,334,085 
11 2021–2022 Russo-Ukrainian crisis
1,200,812 
12 Russia–Ukraine relations
1,134,256 
13 Ketanji Brown Jackson
1,074,574 
U.S. President Biden nominated Jackson to the Supreme Court of the United States on February 25, succeeding Stephen Breyer, for whom she used to work. 14 Elden Ring
989,985 
A fantasy role playing video game developed with the assistance of George R. R. Martin, which was released this week after already winning Most Anticipated Game. 15 Deaths in 2022
941,057 
#5 has vowed that, he will stay and fight for Ukraine until the end, even if it means he ends up on this list. 16 Jamal Edwards
938,642 
The British music entrepreneur who helped launch acts across genres died of a very quick illness, the day after a gig he worked. 17 Kyiv
936,796 
The capital of Ukraine and, currently, the world's media. Putin has been trying to take it, but at writing, it is still firmly Ukrainian. The mayor and his brother, former world heavyweights Vitali and Wladimir Klitschko, have joined the Army to defend it. 18 Euphoria (American TV series)
932,999 
The world's worst high school but, like, atmospheric, is still on (American) screens. It has Zendaya in it, like just about everything these days. 19 Donetsk People's Republic
891,546 
Parts of Ukraine that have had de facto Russian control since 2014. Donetsk (#19) and partner the Luhansk People's Republic (would-be #40) comprise Donbas (#20). The two regions declared independence from Ukraine in May 2014, following a referendum (which was recognised by no international government, including Russia), and Ukraine considers these areas to be under terrorist control. Only parts of the region have been under the control of Russian-backed separatists for eight years but this week, their independent state was recognised by Russia and Putin, starting the invasion (#2).
Crimea (#21) is not considered independent to anyone. It was annexed (#24) by Russia in 2014, while still nominally Ukraine. It is a key strategical area due to its access to the Black Sea (see above).
20 Donbas 
854,803 
21 Crimea
851,198 
22 Inventing Anna
830,460 
Aforementioned Netflix show, starring Julia Garner as #7. 23 Elizabeth II 
797,766 
While Her Majesty is never far from this list, she is here this week after having to postpone several engagements after catching COVID-19. Some think she may end up on #15, or may have already and is being Weekend at Bernie'd until her Jubilee year (70 years on the throne!) is over. 24 Annexation of Crimea by the Russian Federation
763,163 
In 2014 (as part of their ongoing conflict) Russia annexed #21. Under international law, it is still de jure Ukrainian, though it is now largely integrated into Russia. 25 Lyudmila Putina
751,783 
Putin's ex-wife. Tabloids seem to have done exactly what they are known for and brought out speculation scandal articles about their relationship and children, and that is about it.
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- Near misses (the continuation of our main blurb):
- 27 Chernobyl disaster - the site was captured by Russia in #2, and Ukraine has reported rising levels of nuclear waste in the atmosphere since.
- 28 Ghost of Kyiv - a maybe-real maybe-not, definitely-in-the-hearts-of-Ukraine-supporters, flying ace, supposedly the reason the Russians have yet to gain air control despite more planes. Perhaps "the Spirit of Kyiv" would be a better name? (An impressive list debut for an article that didn't exist for most of the week.)
- 29 War in Donbas - see above
- 31 World War III - theorising a New Cold War or worse has been on the menu since #11 for many
- 32 Maria Vorontsova - Putin's first daughter
- 33 History of Ukraine - people have wanted to read up on #1, maybe for internet arguments, maybe to be engaged global citizens
- 35 Belarus - Russia's ally in *gestures*
- 36 Attack on Snake Island (not including redirect views) - a small island guarding the edge of Ukrainian territorial waters, Snake Island, with its name right out of anime, was (apparently) guarded by only thirteen Ukrainian border guards and when they were told to surrender they said "Russian warship, go fuck yourself". Whether they lived or died (no independent verification of any outcome), it has become an early slogan of resistance.
- 37 President of Ukraine - see #5
- 38 Katerina Tikhonova - Putin's second daughter. Quite a gap from #32 to here.
- 39 Olena Zelenska - wife of #5
- 40 Luhansk People's Republic - ah, finally, pair of #19. Shows why you really want to be the name before the "and".
| This page contains material that is kept because it is considered
humorous. Such material is not meant to be taken seriously. |
Prepared with commentary by Kingsif and SSSB
This report wears a humor hat for a reason; we poke fun at the articles, and their subjects, that appear. Sometimes we have been deemed a little too insensitive. In this report, we are not laughing - not with war in our time. May Eastern Europe see peace.
Rank Article Class Views Image Notes/about 1 Ukraine
6,749,176
Where to begin? A long, long, time ago, the hardiest of early humans decided to settle in the cold, cold shadow of the Ural Mountains. Fast forward some millennia and different groups of these people lived in different cities and had different ideas, as ever aware of the perpetual human conundrum of empathy and understanding. In this land was born an Empire, led by Russia (#9). As empires must, it fell, and so emerged a new empire, a nation of states under one ideology, the Soviet Union (#10). Russia was still the big brother. In this union, comrade Putin (#3) was given certain powers, working intelligence that had him straddle politics and military. Reportedly, his enamoration with the union's ideals was second to none, and he did not take it well when this empire, too, fell. Spectacularly. Out of big brother's shadow emerged Ukraine (#1), the nation of Mila Kunis, endless "Chernobyl fallout" (would-be #27) jokes, and surprisingly good Eurovision entries. A new idea came to its people, many of whom identified only as its people, with this Western thing called democracy. It was not the only element of the political West that Ukraine began to adopt over the next three decades, moving ever further from its past leaders and brothers, while physically staying tucked right next to them.
Washington, D.C., 1949. A group of Western nations fear the influence and attack capabilities of the Soviet Union and sign the North Atlantic Treaty, creating an organisation (#6) to uphold it. A new empire, but without administrative powers. Over the next seventy years, more and more nations asked to become members (#8) - including, ultimately, many former Soviet nations still fearing Russia. Alone, they were small along Big Red's borders. With NATO, they became absorbed into a formerly-hostile blob sludging further east, promising defence but requiring reciprocity.
If you take out a globe, Russia looks as big as it sounds - hi, Siberia - but for all its land, it is sorely lacking in sea, an historic marker of power and present marker of independent trading capacity. The Arctic to the north is not only inhospitable, but must pass Scandinavia or North America - or shimmy around the Baltic. Ships from Kaliningrad still must pass the UK. North America and Japan await before the Russian Far East can sail into Asian waters. In Europe, Ukraine - the Crimean peninsula (#21) - blocks the way through the Sea of Azov and the Black Sea. It is the last channel out that is away from a union able to water-lock Russia from all directions in one action. The Balkans join NATO through the early 2000s. In 2014, new tensions (#4) fully kick off. The Ukrainian president is deposed for swerving back towards Russian, rather than EU, influence. Independence referendums are held in the Donbas (#20), regions of Ukraine closest to Russia with large separatist movements. The referendums are not recognised by the international community. Russia supports uprisings in the Donbas (#19) to attempt to enforce these referendums by force; it also seizes Crimea (#24), but fails to take any land connecting its mainland to the peninsula. Ukrainian waters are still in the way. Unrest sizzles. Ukraine dams the water supply to Crimea. Russia holds a Winter Olympics. Two years later it gets kicked out of a Summer Olympics, and two years after that holds a World Cup.
Kyiv (#17), 2019. A comedian, Zelenskyy (#5), wins the Ukrainian presidential election. Another television personality leading a country, and so close to Russia? Some were skeptical. Would Putin see him as an easy man to conquer? Russia and Ukraine agree to scale back tensions by the end of the year. In 2020, Zelenskyy announces his plans for Ukraine to join NATO. In 2021, NATO agrees to help them on their way to membership, needing no active conflicts first. Putin begins espousing the historic connections of Russia and Ukraine. A lot. He begins amassing his troops on the border. (#11) Few believed he would cross it. This week, he did (#2).2 2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine
5,939,016
3 Vladimir Putin
5,150,084
4 Russo-Ukrainian War
3,676,985
5 Volodymyr Zelenskyy
3,615,762
6 NATO
3,278,049
7 Anna Sorokin
2,928,999
Sorokin is the only thing preventing a top-ten monopoly of the ongoing Ukraine-Russia crisis. She was born in the Soviet Union (#10), but her place on the list comes from being the subject of a Netflix show (#22). From a quick, distracted, read of our article on her, it looks like she pretended to be an heiress and committed a lot of service theft: pictured is a hotel she lived in and was kicked out of for never paying. 8 Member states of NATO
2,667,378
See #1-6 (it's just easier that way) 9 Russia
1,590,249
10 Soviet Union
1,334,085
11 2021–2022 Russo-Ukrainian crisis
1,200,812
12 Russia–Ukraine relations
1,134,256
13 Ketanji Brown Jackson
1,074,574
U.S. President Biden nominated Jackson to the Supreme Court of the United States on February 25, succeeding Stephen Breyer, for whom she used to work. 14 Elden Ring
989,985
A fantasy role playing video game developed with the assistance of George R. R. Martin, which was released this week after already winning Most Anticipated Game. 15 Deaths in 2022
941,057
#5 has vowed that, he will stay and fight for Ukraine until the end, even if it means he ends up on this list. 16 Jamal Edwards
938,642
The British music entrepreneur who helped launch acts across genres died of a very quick illness, the day after a gig he worked. 17 Kyiv
936,796
The capital of Ukraine and, currently, the world's media. Putin has been trying to take it, but at writing, it is still firmly Ukrainian. The mayor and his brother, former world heavyweights Vitali and Wladimir Klitschko, have joined the Army to defend it. 18 Euphoria (American TV series)
932,999
The world's worst high school but, like, atmospheric, is still on (American) screens. It has Zendaya in it, like just about everything these days. 19 Donetsk People's Republic
891,546
Parts of Ukraine that have had de facto Russian control since 2014. Donetsk (#19) and partner the Luhansk People's Republic (would-be #40) comprise Donbas (#20). The two regions declared independence from Ukraine in May 2014, following a referendum (which was recognised by no international government, including Russia), and Ukraine considers these areas to be under terrorist control. Only parts of the region have been under the control of Russian-backed separatists for eight years but this week, their independent state was recognised by Russia and Putin, starting the invasion (#2).
Crimea (#21) is not considered independent to anyone. It was annexed (#24) by Russia in 2014, while still nominally Ukraine. It is a key strategical area due to its access to the Black Sea (see above).
20 Donbas
854,803
21 Crimea
851,198
22 Inventing Anna
830,460
Aforementioned Netflix show, starring Julia Garner as #7. 23 Elizabeth II
797,766
While Her Majesty is never far from this list, she is here this week after having to postpone several engagements after catching COVID-19. Some think she may end up on #15, or may have already and is being Weekend at Bernie'd until her Jubilee year (70 years on the throne!) is over. 24 Annexation of Crimea by the Russian Federation
763,163
In 2014 (as part of their ongoing conflict) Russia annexed #21. Under international law, it is still de jure Ukrainian, though it is now largely integrated into Russia. 25 Lyudmila Putina
751,783
Putin's ex-wife. Tabloids seem to have done exactly what they are known for and brought out speculation scandal articles about their relationship and children, and that is about it.
- Near misses (the continuation of our main blurb):
- 27 Chernobyl disaster - the site was captured by Russia in #2, and Ukraine has reported rising levels of nuclear waste in the atmosphere since.
- 28 Ghost of Kyiv - a maybe-real maybe-not, definitely-in-the-hearts-of-Ukraine-supporters, flying ace, supposedly the reason the Russians have yet to gain air control despite more planes. Perhaps "the Spirit of Kyiv" would be a better name? (An impressive list debut for an article that didn't exist for most of the week.)
- 29 War in Donbas - see above
- 31 World War III - theorising a New Cold War or worse has been on the menu since #11 for many
- 32 Maria Vorontsova - Putin's first daughter
- 33 History of Ukraine - people have wanted to read up on #1, maybe for internet arguments, maybe to be engaged global citizens
- 35 Belarus - Russia's ally in *gestures*
- 36 Attack on Snake Island (not including redirect views) - a small island guarding the edge of Ukrainian territorial waters, Snake Island, with its name right out of anime, was (apparently) guarded by only thirteen Ukrainian border guards and when they were told to surrender they said "Russian warship, go fuck yourself". Whether they lived or died (no independent verification of any outcome), it has become an early slogan of resistance.
- 37 President of Ukraine - see #5
- 38 Katerina Tikhonova - Putin's second daughter. Quite a gap from #32 to here.
- 39 Olena Zelenska - wife of #5
- 40 Luhansk People's Republic - ah, finally, pair of #19. Shows why you really want to be the name before the "and".