I stumbled into this article as part of my larger project on Paul Goodman oeuvre, finding that rather than writing a stub about Jonah, I could write a little on each of his major plays.
I'm looking for any feedback in advance of taking this neat little morsel to FAC. czar 14:12, 6 February 2024 (UTC)reply
@
Czar: This has been open for over a month without a comment. Are you still interested in receiving comments?
Z1720 (
talk) 19:15, 15 March 2024 (UTC)reply
@
Z1720, yes, thank you. It's a niche topic so I anticipated it sitting for a while. czar 19:27, 15 March 2024 (UTC)reply
Comments from Z1720
Comments after a prose read-through:
Page description is missing
It has {{
short description|none}} because the title is descriptive of its contents
"Put another way, the plays each have three characters: a traveler (the audience), a spirit (the idea of the poem), and the chorus (that interprets both for each other)." I think this explanation can be worded better, but I'm not sure how. I don't like the "Put another way" sentence starter.
Edited
I do not think that the names of the plays are supposed to be bolded, as this article is about all of the Stage works, not specific entries. Typically I do not see bolded statements in the body of the article.
"The sets and invitations were primitive and the 20-person seating arrangements intimate." Was this chosen by Goodman? If so, why? If not, it should be removed.
It was a production decision by the Living Theatre
"Attendees included John Cage, Merce Cunningham, and Carl Van Vechten." I think this is off-topic for the article: the reader does not need to know who came to see the performance unless it is important for its development.
They were major figures in the New York scene, so I thought it was useful for context, and Cunningham became a collaborator later in the article, but I can remove if it reads as trivia
I think it reads as trivia and can be removed.
Z1720 (
talk) 17:51, 16 March 2024 (UTC)reply
The last paragraph of "Jonah" falls into the "X said Y" pattern. Consider
WP:RECEPTION for ideas on how to reword this paragraph.
I thought it was rather varied, for the material
There are three sentences in a row that use this format (NYT's review, then Commonweal, then New Yorker) which gave me this impression. Is there a way to combine these reviews by themes instead?
Z1720 (
talk) 17:51, 16 March 2024 (UTC)reply
@
Z1720, not really but I played around with it a bit more. I think that should cover everything. czar 19:59, 18 March 2024 (UTC)reply
Those are my thoughts. Based on prose I think this is almost ready for an FAC.
Z1720 (
talk) 20:36, 15 March 2024 (UTC)reply
I stumbled into this article as part of my larger project on Paul Goodman oeuvre, finding that rather than writing a stub about Jonah, I could write a little on each of his major plays.
I'm looking for any feedback in advance of taking this neat little morsel to FAC. czar 14:12, 6 February 2024 (UTC)reply
@
Czar: This has been open for over a month without a comment. Are you still interested in receiving comments?
Z1720 (
talk) 19:15, 15 March 2024 (UTC)reply
@
Z1720, yes, thank you. It's a niche topic so I anticipated it sitting for a while. czar 19:27, 15 March 2024 (UTC)reply
Comments from Z1720
Comments after a prose read-through:
Page description is missing
It has {{
short description|none}} because the title is descriptive of its contents
"Put another way, the plays each have three characters: a traveler (the audience), a spirit (the idea of the poem), and the chorus (that interprets both for each other)." I think this explanation can be worded better, but I'm not sure how. I don't like the "Put another way" sentence starter.
Edited
I do not think that the names of the plays are supposed to be bolded, as this article is about all of the Stage works, not specific entries. Typically I do not see bolded statements in the body of the article.
"The sets and invitations were primitive and the 20-person seating arrangements intimate." Was this chosen by Goodman? If so, why? If not, it should be removed.
It was a production decision by the Living Theatre
"Attendees included John Cage, Merce Cunningham, and Carl Van Vechten." I think this is off-topic for the article: the reader does not need to know who came to see the performance unless it is important for its development.
They were major figures in the New York scene, so I thought it was useful for context, and Cunningham became a collaborator later in the article, but I can remove if it reads as trivia
I think it reads as trivia and can be removed.
Z1720 (
talk) 17:51, 16 March 2024 (UTC)reply
The last paragraph of "Jonah" falls into the "X said Y" pattern. Consider
WP:RECEPTION for ideas on how to reword this paragraph.
I thought it was rather varied, for the material
There are three sentences in a row that use this format (NYT's review, then Commonweal, then New Yorker) which gave me this impression. Is there a way to combine these reviews by themes instead?
Z1720 (
talk) 17:51, 16 March 2024 (UTC)reply
@
Z1720, not really but I played around with it a bit more. I think that should cover everything. czar 19:59, 18 March 2024 (UTC)reply
Those are my thoughts. Based on prose I think this is almost ready for an FAC.
Z1720 (
talk) 20:36, 15 March 2024 (UTC)reply