Toolbox |
---|
![]() | This peer review discussion has been closed. |
I've listed this article for peer review because I have been working on it so hard for the last 5 or 6 years. A million edits later, I think it's ready to be a FAC. Thank you. Night clubbing 16:35, 4 March 2019 (UTC)
It has an empowering messageDescribing a work as "empowering" seems like it might be skirting on WP:SUBJECTIVE. Might be safer to say that it's been described as empowering (by the band, or critics, or whoever).
It has an empowerment message/message of empowerment... is this better? The lyrics are about empowerment. I think the tense of "empowering" makes it subjective. Night clubbing 06:28, 5 March 2019 (UTC)
The song was well received by music critics; it appeared in No Ripcord's year-end list. This could use some context. Is No Ripcord a magazine? A website? (Also, if it's not notable enough to have an article, I would maybe reconsider whether appearing on its year-end list is noteworthy enough to include in the lead)
The song was well received by music critics who complimented its catchy tune, confidence and the group's vocals. Night clubbing 06:35, 5 March 2019 (UTC)
The Max & Dania-directed music video shows...again, if Max & Dania aren't notable enough that we can wikilink them, I might leave that detail out of the lead.
They had so many ideas and verses for the track that they could not decide which to include.I would attribute this in the text (e.g. "According to ___, they had so many ideas...") rather than repeating it as a fact. Though I think the article would be better served by deleting that line altogether - it reads a bit like puffery, and could easily be excised.
paparazzi teasing of their elimination interview on British daytime television programme This Morning the following MondayI'm finding this hard to parse. Is the idea that paparazzi said something to them about expecting to see them give an interview the following Monday, therefore implying that the paparazzi believed they would be eliminated from the show? Or they did an interview and the paparazzi teased them about the content of the interview? I think the wording could be clarified.
Brief use of wobbly bass synthesizer during verse intervals add...What does "verse intervals" mean? Is this just saying during the verses? From what I read later, it sounds like maybe this is referring to intervals between the verses? Either way, I think the wording could be clarified/tightened.
Little Mix began rehearsing choreography for the video on 3 May 2012.This strikes me as the kind of extraneous detail that could be trimmed.
- Colin M ( talk) 01:01, 5 March 2019 (UTC)
Toolbox |
---|
![]() | This peer review discussion has been closed. |
I've listed this article for peer review because I have been working on it so hard for the last 5 or 6 years. A million edits later, I think it's ready to be a FAC. Thank you. Night clubbing 16:35, 4 March 2019 (UTC)
It has an empowering messageDescribing a work as "empowering" seems like it might be skirting on WP:SUBJECTIVE. Might be safer to say that it's been described as empowering (by the band, or critics, or whoever).
It has an empowerment message/message of empowerment... is this better? The lyrics are about empowerment. I think the tense of "empowering" makes it subjective. Night clubbing 06:28, 5 March 2019 (UTC)
The song was well received by music critics; it appeared in No Ripcord's year-end list. This could use some context. Is No Ripcord a magazine? A website? (Also, if it's not notable enough to have an article, I would maybe reconsider whether appearing on its year-end list is noteworthy enough to include in the lead)
The song was well received by music critics who complimented its catchy tune, confidence and the group's vocals. Night clubbing 06:35, 5 March 2019 (UTC)
The Max & Dania-directed music video shows...again, if Max & Dania aren't notable enough that we can wikilink them, I might leave that detail out of the lead.
They had so many ideas and verses for the track that they could not decide which to include.I would attribute this in the text (e.g. "According to ___, they had so many ideas...") rather than repeating it as a fact. Though I think the article would be better served by deleting that line altogether - it reads a bit like puffery, and could easily be excised.
paparazzi teasing of their elimination interview on British daytime television programme This Morning the following MondayI'm finding this hard to parse. Is the idea that paparazzi said something to them about expecting to see them give an interview the following Monday, therefore implying that the paparazzi believed they would be eliminated from the show? Or they did an interview and the paparazzi teased them about the content of the interview? I think the wording could be clarified.
Brief use of wobbly bass synthesizer during verse intervals add...What does "verse intervals" mean? Is this just saying during the verses? From what I read later, it sounds like maybe this is referring to intervals between the verses? Either way, I think the wording could be clarified/tightened.
Little Mix began rehearsing choreography for the video on 3 May 2012.This strikes me as the kind of extraneous detail that could be trimmed.
- Colin M ( talk) 01:01, 5 March 2019 (UTC)