This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… the article has now been greatly expanded and needs to be reviewed for GA nomination. As I see it is well sourced, although a few things still need to be referenced. The lead section also needs to be expanded to cover the many passages of Kosenko’s life. Any comments or constructive edits are more than welcome.
I will start it off now and continue over the next few days if that's OK.
Lead section
At two paragraphs, I think the lead section is too short. This will need extending.
Lead expanded.
"Viktor Stepanovych Kosenko (Ukrainian: Віктор Степанович Косенко; 23 November [O.S. 11 November] 1896 – 3 October 1938) was a Ukrainian composer, concert pianist, and educator regarded by many of his contemporaries as a master of lyricism in the manner of Alexander Scriabin, Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, Sergei Rachmaninoff, as well as his compatriot Mykola Lysenko." -- That is a bit long. I would split it after "lyricism".
Sentence rephrased as for "lyricism".
"A very talented artist..." Slipping into POV there slightly.
"Talented artist" goes for Smoliĭ-Onopriienko, notheless the sentence has been rephrased.
"...he was also a leading figure among the broad-minded artistic collective of the 20th-century Ukrainian music, and whose legacy is filled with romantic feeling and intonations of Slavic folk songs." -- Says who?
"Broad-minded artistic collective" and "romantic feeling and intonations of Slavic folk songs" now referenced.
There he authored countless piano pieces, over twenty romances, three piano, violin and cello sonatas, music for plays, his 21-minute one-movement Violin Concerto, Classical trio, 4 Children's Pieces for Piano, and the 11 Etudes in the form of old dances." -- Far to many commas. It makes for a lumpy, bumpy read.
Agreed! Sentence shortened.
"Subsequently, in the period from 1919 to 1924, he dedicated almost all of his output to his wife Angelina..." -- Why?
Sentence re-written, explained and referenced.
Could this section be expanded at all?
Yes, it has and will continue to be. Thanks for the clue!
Compositional debut
"...which in no way was inferior to any other artistic circle of the capital." -- According to who? Boarder line
WP:POV.
Sentence deleted, although it was already referenced.
"The program of the concerts included, along with traditional classical pieces, compositions by Ukrainian composers Borys Lyatoshynsky, Levko Revutskiy, Pylyp Kozytskiy, and himself." -- Again, this doesn't read well. I think its the "along with traditional classical pieces" which confuses things. Perhaps move this to a sentence of its own and elaborate a little on what the pieces were? Also, "himself" is redundant as we are talking about him in the first place.
"along with traditional classical pieces" deleted, together with "himself".
As for elaborating things a bit... I still need User:Boguslav's help to find references to statements I've deleted that can be found in the Ukrainian book I scanned from the National Library.
KrenakaroreTK10:59, 5 August 2013 (UTC)reply
A bit too much
puffery here, with "regarded by many of his contemporaries as a master of lyricism" (who are these "many"?) and "very talented artist … a leading figure among the broad-minded artistic collective" – in whose opinion?
Lead expanded, though I believe it needs more. "Contemporaries" found in text: Levko Revutsky, Irina Miklashovskaya, Gaidai, Chaliapin, etc. "Very talented artist" now referenced as well as "broad-minded artistic collective".
"His vocal, chamber and symphonic works are also among the most famous instrumental pieces of that time" – This really won't do. In the first place, how can a vocal work be among instrumental pieces, famous or not, and in the second place, who could reasonably maintain that his oeuvre is "among the most famous" from the era of Bartók, Berg, Fauré, Holst, Janáček, Kodály, Prokofiev, Ravel, Schoenberg, Shostakovich, Richard Strauss, Stravinsky, Webern et al.?
"Instrumental" and "Famous" deleted.
Main text
The prose is generally clear enough, but you repeat rather too much from "Early life and education" in the "Influences and style" section.
"Prose" will get better as we progress. We'll be working on "Early life" and "Influences".
There is too much
WP:OVERLINK throughout the article. As a general rule, one link from the Lead and one link from the main text should be your maximum for each linked article, though it's OK to add another link from image captions if you wish.
"Overlinks" now "delinked".
I see that Cassianto has added several tags requesting citations. I endorse all those requests.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… the article has now been greatly expanded and needs to be reviewed for GA nomination. As I see it is well sourced, although a few things still need to be referenced. The lead section also needs to be expanded to cover the many passages of Kosenko’s life. Any comments or constructive edits are more than welcome.
I will start it off now and continue over the next few days if that's OK.
Lead section
At two paragraphs, I think the lead section is too short. This will need extending.
Lead expanded.
"Viktor Stepanovych Kosenko (Ukrainian: Віктор Степанович Косенко; 23 November [O.S. 11 November] 1896 – 3 October 1938) was a Ukrainian composer, concert pianist, and educator regarded by many of his contemporaries as a master of lyricism in the manner of Alexander Scriabin, Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, Sergei Rachmaninoff, as well as his compatriot Mykola Lysenko." -- That is a bit long. I would split it after "lyricism".
Sentence rephrased as for "lyricism".
"A very talented artist..." Slipping into POV there slightly.
"Talented artist" goes for Smoliĭ-Onopriienko, notheless the sentence has been rephrased.
"...he was also a leading figure among the broad-minded artistic collective of the 20th-century Ukrainian music, and whose legacy is filled with romantic feeling and intonations of Slavic folk songs." -- Says who?
"Broad-minded artistic collective" and "romantic feeling and intonations of Slavic folk songs" now referenced.
There he authored countless piano pieces, over twenty romances, three piano, violin and cello sonatas, music for plays, his 21-minute one-movement Violin Concerto, Classical trio, 4 Children's Pieces for Piano, and the 11 Etudes in the form of old dances." -- Far to many commas. It makes for a lumpy, bumpy read.
Agreed! Sentence shortened.
"Subsequently, in the period from 1919 to 1924, he dedicated almost all of his output to his wife Angelina..." -- Why?
Sentence re-written, explained and referenced.
Could this section be expanded at all?
Yes, it has and will continue to be. Thanks for the clue!
Compositional debut
"...which in no way was inferior to any other artistic circle of the capital." -- According to who? Boarder line
WP:POV.
Sentence deleted, although it was already referenced.
"The program of the concerts included, along with traditional classical pieces, compositions by Ukrainian composers Borys Lyatoshynsky, Levko Revutskiy, Pylyp Kozytskiy, and himself." -- Again, this doesn't read well. I think its the "along with traditional classical pieces" which confuses things. Perhaps move this to a sentence of its own and elaborate a little on what the pieces were? Also, "himself" is redundant as we are talking about him in the first place.
"along with traditional classical pieces" deleted, together with "himself".
As for elaborating things a bit... I still need User:Boguslav's help to find references to statements I've deleted that can be found in the Ukrainian book I scanned from the National Library.
KrenakaroreTK10:59, 5 August 2013 (UTC)reply
A bit too much
puffery here, with "regarded by many of his contemporaries as a master of lyricism" (who are these "many"?) and "very talented artist … a leading figure among the broad-minded artistic collective" – in whose opinion?
Lead expanded, though I believe it needs more. "Contemporaries" found in text: Levko Revutsky, Irina Miklashovskaya, Gaidai, Chaliapin, etc. "Very talented artist" now referenced as well as "broad-minded artistic collective".
"His vocal, chamber and symphonic works are also among the most famous instrumental pieces of that time" – This really won't do. In the first place, how can a vocal work be among instrumental pieces, famous or not, and in the second place, who could reasonably maintain that his oeuvre is "among the most famous" from the era of Bartók, Berg, Fauré, Holst, Janáček, Kodály, Prokofiev, Ravel, Schoenberg, Shostakovich, Richard Strauss, Stravinsky, Webern et al.?
"Instrumental" and "Famous" deleted.
Main text
The prose is generally clear enough, but you repeat rather too much from "Early life and education" in the "Influences and style" section.
"Prose" will get better as we progress. We'll be working on "Early life" and "Influences".
There is too much
WP:OVERLINK throughout the article. As a general rule, one link from the Lead and one link from the main text should be your maximum for each linked article, though it's OK to add another link from image captions if you wish.
"Overlinks" now "delinked".
I see that Cassianto has added several tags requesting citations. I endorse all those requests.