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I've listed this article for peer review because… This is my first article, and I wanted to know how I was doing at writing it. I also wanted to make sure I was doing everything properly, as in not breaking any rules, etc. Thanks, T1000LE Man ( talk) 17:26, 3 August 2016 (UTC)
Ok, so... To start with, this article does not have a proper lede. The lede should be a quick and simple overview of the body that follows. In this case, however, the lede is filled with numbers and trivia that really belong in a separate Description section. The lede should also try to what makes this topic notable. In this case, the important quality of this laptop appears to be that it had a hard drive and a battery. That fact and the launch and discontinue dates would make a nice lede. Also, the topic of the article should be in bold in the lede. Next, anything list-like, like Specifications, should go below the body of the article. So move that down. Maury Markowitz ( talk) 21:33, 20 October 2016 (UTC)
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![]() | This peer review discussion has been closed. |
I've listed this article for peer review because… This is my first article, and I wanted to know how I was doing at writing it. I also wanted to make sure I was doing everything properly, as in not breaking any rules, etc. Thanks, T1000LE Man ( talk) 17:26, 3 August 2016 (UTC)
Ok, so... To start with, this article does not have a proper lede. The lede should be a quick and simple overview of the body that follows. In this case, however, the lede is filled with numbers and trivia that really belong in a separate Description section. The lede should also try to what makes this topic notable. In this case, the important quality of this laptop appears to be that it had a hard drive and a battery. That fact and the launch and discontinue dates would make a nice lede. Also, the topic of the article should be in bold in the lede. Next, anything list-like, like Specifications, should go below the body of the article. So move that down. Maury Markowitz ( talk) 21:33, 20 October 2016 (UTC)