This peer review discussion has been closed.
I plan on nominating this article for FAC, so I would like feedback on its readiness. Thanks!
Awadewit (
talk) 20:45, 18 September 2009 (UTC)
Comments from Moni3
I read through the article, starting at the literary elements and skipping the plot section. I thought the discussion on genre, style, and themes was interesting and engaging, and aside from some minor questions (who says the reviews were "at best, mixed" -- odd to see it in quotes if it can be expressed without, or attributed to a single writer) found it quite well written.
I have not read The Historian so I don't know if it is the sequence of events which are convoluted or the sentence structure in the Plot section, that seems to diverge in style from the rest of the article, but some of the passages in the Plot section are stunted and out of place it seemed to me. The following passage is in the article now. It starts with some graceful sentences, then switches to shorter ones that appear to be disconnected.
The bulk of the novel focuses on the 1950s timeline, which follows Paul's adventures. After meeting with Paul, Rossi disappears; smears of blood on his desk and the ceiling of his office are all that remain. Certain that something unfortunate has befallen his advisor, Paul begins to investigate Dracula. While in the library, he meets a young, dark-haired woman reading a copy of Bram Stoker's Dracula—Helen Rossi. She has become an expert on the subject. Paul tries to convince her that a librarian is trying to stop them from researching Dracula. She is unconvinced, but tells Paul that she is the daughter of Bartholomew Rossi and that she is going to publish the definitive work on Dracula to punish Rossi for abandoning her. Later, the librarian attempts to stymie their research and attacks and bites Helen. He is then seemingly killed in a car accident in front of the library.
That, and I can't get away from "stymie" being a character from Our Gang. What about something like this:
The bulk of the novel focuses on the 1950s timeline, which follows Paul's adventures. After meeting with Paul, Rossi disappears; smears of blood on his desk and the ceiling of his office are all that remain. Certain that something unfortunate has befallen his advisor, Paul begins to investigate Dracula. While in the library, he meets an expert on Bram Stoker's Dracula, a dark-haired woman named Helen Rossi; he endeavors to convince her that their research on the historical figure is being impeded by a librarian. Rossi remains skeptical, and continues to work on publishing her definitive work on Dracula if only to punish her father Bartholomew, himself a researcher of the Transylvanian vampire, for abandoning her. Rossi is attacked and bitten by the librarian following his attempts to hinder their progress, and he subsequently dies in what seems to be a car accident in front of the library.
Just there I had to struggle to find several different ways to say "Dracula". What are your thoughts on dividing the Plot summary into three parts under third level headers?
In the rare occasions I write about novels, they are usually ones I love dearly. I do my best to convey how much I love the books I write about in the language in the article, without compromising encyclopedic tone or going off the melodramatic deep end. I worry that the article on Tipping the Velvet is dull and the specialness of the prose and the liveliness of the characters and writing is lost, or I have failed in expressing it. So much that I wonder what Sarah Waters might think if she reads it. To connect this to The Historian, I don't find that the prose moves well in the Plot section. I think it can be fixed easily, however, but all I can think to say is that it needs movement and emphasis on what is...again (sorry)... so moving about the story. Let me know if you have questions or want clarification. I can be rather obtuse sometimes. -- Moni3 ( talk) 13:39, 24 September 2009 (UTC)
Brianboulton comments: My God, this is a difficult book! Hats off for the attempt to decypher it, it fair wore me out, all 704 pages of it. My comments so far only cover the lead and plot summary. Many of these are suggestions which you may choose to ignore.
While in the university library he meets a young, dark-haired woman reading a copy of Bram Stoker's Dracula. She is Helen Rossi, the daughter of Bartholomew Rossi, who has become an expert on the subject of Dracula. When Paul attempts to convince her that one of the librarians is trying to prevent their research of Dracula she is unpersuaded. She tells Paul that she intends to publish the definitive work on Dracula, to punish her father for abandoning her. Later, the librarian in question attempts to obstruct Helen, then attacks and bites her. Paul intervenes and overpowers him but he wriggles free. The librarian is then run over and apparently killed by a car, in front of the library.
That completes my comments on the plot summary. I will return to the rest of the text after a brief interval. Brianboulton ( talk) 18:33, 25 September 2009 (UTC)
Further comments: A little hurried, because I shall be away for several days after today, but as you will see I had few issues with this quality article.
Overall: the quality is there, only the final polishing necessary. Brianboulton ( talk) 23:22, 15 October 2009 (UTC)
Comments from completely involved Casliber
Funny, in hindsight that was/is/will be the bit that is the most awkward. Think of this as an exercise and challenge in being able to present a three-timed-sequenced timeline into a succinct and easily legible summary. I am trying to make some time for this, just have to deal with some arb stuff :/ Casliber ( talk · contribs) 20:56, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
Comments from Ealdgyth ( talk · contribs)
Update from Awadewit - I now have a herniated disk and cannot sit at my disk and edit. I'll have to return to this when I feel better. Awadewit ( talk) 18:42, 30 September 2009 (UTC)
Comments from Colin ( talk · contribs)
I enjoyed reading this and it reads very well. I have skipped the plot section because I haven't read the book.
Colin° Talk 14:15, 14 October 2009 (UTC)
Plot summary - I've worked on the plot summary some more. I've removed some more details and tried to clarify still further. Let me know if this has improved the flow of the plot summary at all. Awadewit ( talk) 01:48, 20 October 2009 (UTC)
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I plan on nominating this article for FAC, so I would like feedback on its readiness. Thanks!
Awadewit (
talk) 20:45, 18 September 2009 (UTC)
Comments from Moni3
I read through the article, starting at the literary elements and skipping the plot section. I thought the discussion on genre, style, and themes was interesting and engaging, and aside from some minor questions (who says the reviews were "at best, mixed" -- odd to see it in quotes if it can be expressed without, or attributed to a single writer) found it quite well written.
I have not read The Historian so I don't know if it is the sequence of events which are convoluted or the sentence structure in the Plot section, that seems to diverge in style from the rest of the article, but some of the passages in the Plot section are stunted and out of place it seemed to me. The following passage is in the article now. It starts with some graceful sentences, then switches to shorter ones that appear to be disconnected.
The bulk of the novel focuses on the 1950s timeline, which follows Paul's adventures. After meeting with Paul, Rossi disappears; smears of blood on his desk and the ceiling of his office are all that remain. Certain that something unfortunate has befallen his advisor, Paul begins to investigate Dracula. While in the library, he meets a young, dark-haired woman reading a copy of Bram Stoker's Dracula—Helen Rossi. She has become an expert on the subject. Paul tries to convince her that a librarian is trying to stop them from researching Dracula. She is unconvinced, but tells Paul that she is the daughter of Bartholomew Rossi and that she is going to publish the definitive work on Dracula to punish Rossi for abandoning her. Later, the librarian attempts to stymie their research and attacks and bites Helen. He is then seemingly killed in a car accident in front of the library.
That, and I can't get away from "stymie" being a character from Our Gang. What about something like this:
The bulk of the novel focuses on the 1950s timeline, which follows Paul's adventures. After meeting with Paul, Rossi disappears; smears of blood on his desk and the ceiling of his office are all that remain. Certain that something unfortunate has befallen his advisor, Paul begins to investigate Dracula. While in the library, he meets an expert on Bram Stoker's Dracula, a dark-haired woman named Helen Rossi; he endeavors to convince her that their research on the historical figure is being impeded by a librarian. Rossi remains skeptical, and continues to work on publishing her definitive work on Dracula if only to punish her father Bartholomew, himself a researcher of the Transylvanian vampire, for abandoning her. Rossi is attacked and bitten by the librarian following his attempts to hinder their progress, and he subsequently dies in what seems to be a car accident in front of the library.
Just there I had to struggle to find several different ways to say "Dracula". What are your thoughts on dividing the Plot summary into three parts under third level headers?
In the rare occasions I write about novels, they are usually ones I love dearly. I do my best to convey how much I love the books I write about in the language in the article, without compromising encyclopedic tone or going off the melodramatic deep end. I worry that the article on Tipping the Velvet is dull and the specialness of the prose and the liveliness of the characters and writing is lost, or I have failed in expressing it. So much that I wonder what Sarah Waters might think if she reads it. To connect this to The Historian, I don't find that the prose moves well in the Plot section. I think it can be fixed easily, however, but all I can think to say is that it needs movement and emphasis on what is...again (sorry)... so moving about the story. Let me know if you have questions or want clarification. I can be rather obtuse sometimes. -- Moni3 ( talk) 13:39, 24 September 2009 (UTC)
Brianboulton comments: My God, this is a difficult book! Hats off for the attempt to decypher it, it fair wore me out, all 704 pages of it. My comments so far only cover the lead and plot summary. Many of these are suggestions which you may choose to ignore.
While in the university library he meets a young, dark-haired woman reading a copy of Bram Stoker's Dracula. She is Helen Rossi, the daughter of Bartholomew Rossi, who has become an expert on the subject of Dracula. When Paul attempts to convince her that one of the librarians is trying to prevent their research of Dracula she is unpersuaded. She tells Paul that she intends to publish the definitive work on Dracula, to punish her father for abandoning her. Later, the librarian in question attempts to obstruct Helen, then attacks and bites her. Paul intervenes and overpowers him but he wriggles free. The librarian is then run over and apparently killed by a car, in front of the library.
That completes my comments on the plot summary. I will return to the rest of the text after a brief interval. Brianboulton ( talk) 18:33, 25 September 2009 (UTC)
Further comments: A little hurried, because I shall be away for several days after today, but as you will see I had few issues with this quality article.
Overall: the quality is there, only the final polishing necessary. Brianboulton ( talk) 23:22, 15 October 2009 (UTC)
Comments from completely involved Casliber
Funny, in hindsight that was/is/will be the bit that is the most awkward. Think of this as an exercise and challenge in being able to present a three-timed-sequenced timeline into a succinct and easily legible summary. I am trying to make some time for this, just have to deal with some arb stuff :/ Casliber ( talk · contribs) 20:56, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
Comments from Ealdgyth ( talk · contribs)
Update from Awadewit - I now have a herniated disk and cannot sit at my disk and edit. I'll have to return to this when I feel better. Awadewit ( talk) 18:42, 30 September 2009 (UTC)
Comments from Colin ( talk · contribs)
I enjoyed reading this and it reads very well. I have skipped the plot section because I haven't read the book.
Colin° Talk 14:15, 14 October 2009 (UTC)
Plot summary - I've worked on the plot summary some more. I've removed some more details and tried to clarify still further. Let me know if this has improved the flow of the plot summary at all. Awadewit ( talk) 01:48, 20 October 2009 (UTC)