This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to make a solid push for FA status, and want to know everything I need to fix and rewrite. The plot still needs some citing, but I plan to take care of that during this process. Just basically hit me with all you can.
Finetooth comments: This seems comprehensive, neutral, stable, and well-sourced. The images look fine, but you may have trouble persuading reviewers that four fair-use images in one article follow copyright law. My main concerns are with prose and Manual of Style issues. Quite a few of the sentences are inelegant, wordy, or confusing, and problems with subject-verb agreement recur throughout. I did some copyediting as I went, and I have quite a few specific suggestions for improvement. When you've fixed everything you can, another copyedit would be in order. You might be able to find a copyeditor via the list at the bottom of
WP:PRV.
Lead
"The four heroes controlled by the player may be one of three character classes, each with their own unique paths of customization." - Tighten to "The four heroes controlled by the player may belong to one of three character classes, each with a unique path of customization"?
Gameplay
"Initially, the player is limited to the World of Continent to explore, and given access to later worlds as they climb the Tower." - Since "player" is singular, should this say, "as he or she climbs the Tower" rather than "they"?
"Like other Final Fantasy related games, travel across the world map screen and hostile areas is occasionally interrupted by random enemy encounters." - Flip to active voice, thus: "Random enemy encounters sometimes interrupt travel across the world-map screen as in other Final Fantasy games"?
Classes
"and monsters, each with their own strengths and weaknesses" - Since "each" is singular, this should be "with its own strengths... ".
"Monster-class characters are dependent of its sub-class, and as a result vary greatly." - "Characters" is plural, but "its" is singular. In addition, the sentence doesn't seem logical. Should the sentence read, "Monster-class characters are dependent on their sub-classes, and their statistics vary greatly"?
"Abilities gained differ slightly between male and female mutants, with females having an initial boost to abilities over males." - "With" doesn't make a very good conjunction. Would this be better as "Abilities gained differ slightly between male and female mutants, but females start with more abilities"?
"The amount of equipment that can be placed on any one character at any time depends on their class." - "Character is singular" but "their" is plural. If you don't want to use the awkward "his or her" construction, it's possible to use plural or to re-cast the sentence. Suggestion: "The amount of equipment that can be placed on any one character at any time depends on the character's class."
Equipment and abilities
"When used in combat, attack spells/abilities are will damage a target by an elemental type, non-combative spells/abilities inflict status ailments such as "blindness" on a target with different effects for each or give the user some beneficial effect, and healing spells/abilities restore a target's HP, and can be used outside of combat." - This sentence makes no sense. In addition, the front slash is almost always awkward as a connector. Perhaps "healing spells and abilities" would be better. Ditto for the other front-slashed noun combinations.
"Resistances and weaknesses are abilities active throughout combat, and give the user a resistance or weakness to one or more types of attack, represented by an "O" or "X" next to the type accordingly, or nullify the effect of a status ailment." - Awkward. Suggestion: "Resistances and weaknesses are abilities that are active throughout combat. They give the user resistance or weakness to one or more types of attack, or they cure an ailment."
"In order to be used during combat, these must be equipped onto a party member... " - "Equipped onto" isn't standard English. Perhaps this would work: "In order to use equipment during combat, a party member must possess or acquire it. Each piece of equipment requires one weapon slot."
Combat
"the player selects an action for each player character from their equipment or skills to attack" - "Player" is singular; "their" is plural.
"In the event the player attempts to run and fails... - I'm not sure what this means. Do the players (game operators) literally run or attempt to run?
Versions and re-releases
"in March 2002 a Japan-exclusive port was released under the Japanese title... " - Should "port" be explained?
"The concept art and graphics were redrawn by Toshiyuki Itahana, and cutscenes were added." - Wikilink
cutscene?
Reception and legacy
"The one-eyed monster featured on the Japanese box art would appear in the sequel as a character named "Teacher", and later became the series' mascot" - "Appeared" rather than "would appear"? Ditto for other places in the article where straight past tense would be more direct than a conditional verb form.
Images
You may have trouble convincing image reviewers that four fair-use images in one article follow copyright law.
The images lack alt text, meant for readers who cannot see the images.
WP:ALT has details.
General
The dabfinder tool at the top of this review pages finds eight links that go to disambiguation pages instead of their intended targets.
References
Titles in all caps in the Reference section should be re-written in
title case; e.g. ""PRESS START 2008 -SYMPHONY OF GAMES" in citation 59 should be "Press Start 2008-Symphony of Games". This is true even if the titles appear in all caps in the source documents.
Page ranges take en dashes rather than hyphens.
I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one.
Finetooth (
talk)
23:14, 13 November 2009 (UTC)reply
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to make a solid push for FA status, and want to know everything I need to fix and rewrite. The plot still needs some citing, but I plan to take care of that during this process. Just basically hit me with all you can.
Finetooth comments: This seems comprehensive, neutral, stable, and well-sourced. The images look fine, but you may have trouble persuading reviewers that four fair-use images in one article follow copyright law. My main concerns are with prose and Manual of Style issues. Quite a few of the sentences are inelegant, wordy, or confusing, and problems with subject-verb agreement recur throughout. I did some copyediting as I went, and I have quite a few specific suggestions for improvement. When you've fixed everything you can, another copyedit would be in order. You might be able to find a copyeditor via the list at the bottom of
WP:PRV.
Lead
"The four heroes controlled by the player may be one of three character classes, each with their own unique paths of customization." - Tighten to "The four heroes controlled by the player may belong to one of three character classes, each with a unique path of customization"?
Gameplay
"Initially, the player is limited to the World of Continent to explore, and given access to later worlds as they climb the Tower." - Since "player" is singular, should this say, "as he or she climbs the Tower" rather than "they"?
"Like other Final Fantasy related games, travel across the world map screen and hostile areas is occasionally interrupted by random enemy encounters." - Flip to active voice, thus: "Random enemy encounters sometimes interrupt travel across the world-map screen as in other Final Fantasy games"?
Classes
"and monsters, each with their own strengths and weaknesses" - Since "each" is singular, this should be "with its own strengths... ".
"Monster-class characters are dependent of its sub-class, and as a result vary greatly." - "Characters" is plural, but "its" is singular. In addition, the sentence doesn't seem logical. Should the sentence read, "Monster-class characters are dependent on their sub-classes, and their statistics vary greatly"?
"Abilities gained differ slightly between male and female mutants, with females having an initial boost to abilities over males." - "With" doesn't make a very good conjunction. Would this be better as "Abilities gained differ slightly between male and female mutants, but females start with more abilities"?
"The amount of equipment that can be placed on any one character at any time depends on their class." - "Character is singular" but "their" is plural. If you don't want to use the awkward "his or her" construction, it's possible to use plural or to re-cast the sentence. Suggestion: "The amount of equipment that can be placed on any one character at any time depends on the character's class."
Equipment and abilities
"When used in combat, attack spells/abilities are will damage a target by an elemental type, non-combative spells/abilities inflict status ailments such as "blindness" on a target with different effects for each or give the user some beneficial effect, and healing spells/abilities restore a target's HP, and can be used outside of combat." - This sentence makes no sense. In addition, the front slash is almost always awkward as a connector. Perhaps "healing spells and abilities" would be better. Ditto for the other front-slashed noun combinations.
"Resistances and weaknesses are abilities active throughout combat, and give the user a resistance or weakness to one or more types of attack, represented by an "O" or "X" next to the type accordingly, or nullify the effect of a status ailment." - Awkward. Suggestion: "Resistances and weaknesses are abilities that are active throughout combat. They give the user resistance or weakness to one or more types of attack, or they cure an ailment."
"In order to be used during combat, these must be equipped onto a party member... " - "Equipped onto" isn't standard English. Perhaps this would work: "In order to use equipment during combat, a party member must possess or acquire it. Each piece of equipment requires one weapon slot."
Combat
"the player selects an action for each player character from their equipment or skills to attack" - "Player" is singular; "their" is plural.
"In the event the player attempts to run and fails... - I'm not sure what this means. Do the players (game operators) literally run or attempt to run?
Versions and re-releases
"in March 2002 a Japan-exclusive port was released under the Japanese title... " - Should "port" be explained?
"The concept art and graphics were redrawn by Toshiyuki Itahana, and cutscenes were added." - Wikilink
cutscene?
Reception and legacy
"The one-eyed monster featured on the Japanese box art would appear in the sequel as a character named "Teacher", and later became the series' mascot" - "Appeared" rather than "would appear"? Ditto for other places in the article where straight past tense would be more direct than a conditional verb form.
Images
You may have trouble convincing image reviewers that four fair-use images in one article follow copyright law.
The images lack alt text, meant for readers who cannot see the images.
WP:ALT has details.
General
The dabfinder tool at the top of this review pages finds eight links that go to disambiguation pages instead of their intended targets.
References
Titles in all caps in the Reference section should be re-written in
title case; e.g. ""PRESS START 2008 -SYMPHONY OF GAMES" in citation 59 should be "Press Start 2008-Symphony of Games". This is true even if the titles appear in all caps in the source documents.
Page ranges take en dashes rather than hyphens.
I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one.
Finetooth (
talk)
23:14, 13 November 2009 (UTC)reply