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I've listed this article for peer review because... several users mentioned that a peer review or GOCE would be the fastest way for the article to obtain a bronze star. I previously submitted it for FAC and hope to renominate it in the future. The areas the article needs assistance in include: prose, syntax, and grammar.
Thanks, De88 ( talk) 15:57, 20 October 2020 (UTC)
My general advice for FA aspirants is at User:SandyGeorgia/Achieving excellence through featured content; the additional links (and particularly the links to Tony's prose exercises) are helpful.
A copyedit by independent eyes would help. Here are some samples only:
These are samples only. Overall, the citations could be cleaned up as above, then RECEPTION rewritten, but a thorough copyedit from an independent editor is needed. Good luck, SandyGeorgia ( Talk) 22:37, 30 October 2020 (UTC)
The track's lyrics express a disapproval with the sumptuous lifestyle presented by contemporary artists in their songs and music videosThe article later says the song was inspired specifically by
hip hop-influenced artistsand the lyrics in their songs. I would be more specific in the lead as it would give the reader a better understanding of what the lyrics are a response to.
appeared on various critics' year-end and decade-end song lists, I would remove "various" as it seems like a filler word.
It consists of ordinary teenagers in mundane settings with minimal shots. What makes the teenagers
ordinaryand the settings
mundane? I get what this means because of the context of the overall article, but I think it would be clearer to replace this with something like, It shows teenagers in a suburban neighborhood.
credited the song for paving the way for other alternative-leaning pop artists, to clarify what that word means to an unfamiliar reader.
has been called an anthem for the Millennial generation, specify who calls the song this. The way the sentence is structured separates this part from critics so it is unclear who is doing this action.
New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio, per MOS:SEAOFBLUE.
Lorde's "fascination with aristocracy" also inspired the song, to avoid the quote. I think paraphrasing it in your words would make this part clearer to readers.
Noted as an observation of conspicuous consumption, clarify who noted this.
Described as an anthem for the Millennial generation,? Who noted this about the song here,
It has also been noted for paving the way for other alternative-leaning pop artists?
was praised by publications,, you say multiple publications, but only have a citation to one publication (Rolling Stone)
Apologies for the amount of comments and for being rather all over the place with them. A lot of great work has been done with this article, and I have immense respect for you for working on such a popular song that has received a huge amount of coverage. These are things that I have noticed during a quick read-through, and I hope you find these comments helpful. Have a great rest of your weekend! Aoba47 ( talk) 22:19, 31 October 2020 (UTC)
Toolbox |
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![]() | This peer review discussion is closed. |
I've listed this article for peer review because... several users mentioned that a peer review or GOCE would be the fastest way for the article to obtain a bronze star. I previously submitted it for FAC and hope to renominate it in the future. The areas the article needs assistance in include: prose, syntax, and grammar.
Thanks, De88 ( talk) 15:57, 20 October 2020 (UTC)
My general advice for FA aspirants is at User:SandyGeorgia/Achieving excellence through featured content; the additional links (and particularly the links to Tony's prose exercises) are helpful.
A copyedit by independent eyes would help. Here are some samples only:
These are samples only. Overall, the citations could be cleaned up as above, then RECEPTION rewritten, but a thorough copyedit from an independent editor is needed. Good luck, SandyGeorgia ( Talk) 22:37, 30 October 2020 (UTC)
The track's lyrics express a disapproval with the sumptuous lifestyle presented by contemporary artists in their songs and music videosThe article later says the song was inspired specifically by
hip hop-influenced artistsand the lyrics in their songs. I would be more specific in the lead as it would give the reader a better understanding of what the lyrics are a response to.
appeared on various critics' year-end and decade-end song lists, I would remove "various" as it seems like a filler word.
It consists of ordinary teenagers in mundane settings with minimal shots. What makes the teenagers
ordinaryand the settings
mundane? I get what this means because of the context of the overall article, but I think it would be clearer to replace this with something like, It shows teenagers in a suburban neighborhood.
credited the song for paving the way for other alternative-leaning pop artists, to clarify what that word means to an unfamiliar reader.
has been called an anthem for the Millennial generation, specify who calls the song this. The way the sentence is structured separates this part from critics so it is unclear who is doing this action.
New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio, per MOS:SEAOFBLUE.
Lorde's "fascination with aristocracy" also inspired the song, to avoid the quote. I think paraphrasing it in your words would make this part clearer to readers.
Noted as an observation of conspicuous consumption, clarify who noted this.
Described as an anthem for the Millennial generation,? Who noted this about the song here,
It has also been noted for paving the way for other alternative-leaning pop artists?
was praised by publications,, you say multiple publications, but only have a citation to one publication (Rolling Stone)
Apologies for the amount of comments and for being rather all over the place with them. A lot of great work has been done with this article, and I have immense respect for you for working on such a popular song that has received a huge amount of coverage. These are things that I have noticed during a quick read-through, and I hope you find these comments helpful. Have a great rest of your weekend! Aoba47 ( talk) 22:19, 31 October 2020 (UTC)