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I've listed this article for peer review because it may need significant improvements before nominating it as a FAC. As Raymond was a controversial figure just before the crusaders' catastophic defeat at Hattin by Saladin, I think neutrality can be a potential problem. Thank you for your time.
Thanks, Borsoka ( talk) 04:45, 10 March 2023 (UTC)
A first perusal reveals a mixture of English and American spellings. Among the former are defence (twice), neighbouring, organise and rumours, and among the latter, advisor (twice), defenseless, favor (twice) and jewelry. Before going to FAC you need to standardise on one or the other: either is fine, but a mixture is not. The above are the spellings I spotted, but I recommend you check the whole text for other inconsistencies. I'm sure I don't need to add that my comments refer only to the main text, and that quotations should remain in the original spellings whether BrE or AmE.
I noticed a large number of "however"s in the text – fourteen, I think (two in one paragraph). The word is seldom necessary, and often impedes the flow of the prose. I suggest you remove as many as you can. For instance, in "the enemy forces, however, seriously outnumbered their retinue" and "His praise was tempered with criticism, however", the howevers add nothing of value and would be better removed. There are even more "also"s in the text, and a fair few of them could advantageously be removed.
You mention your concern about neutrality. I got no impression that it was a problem on my first read-through, but will reread and comment further. Tim riley talk 12:17, 11 March 2023 (UTC)
I have added this PR to the Template:FAC peer review sidebar to get quicker and more responses. When this PR is closed, please remove it from the list. Also, consider adding the sidebar to your userpage to help others discover pre-FAC PRs, and please review other articles in that template. Thanks! Z1720 ( talk) 01:40, 2 April 2023 (UTC)
Soon. Unlimitedlead ( talk) 19:53, 13 May 2023 (UTC)
More to follow. Unlimitedlead ( talk) 23:27, 14 May 2023 (UTC) Minority
First years of majority
More to follow. Unlimitedlead ( talk) 13:15, 15 May 2023 (UTC) Captivity
More to follow. Unlimitedlead ( talk) 17:31, 16 May 2023 (UTC)
First regency
Campaigns
Dynastic factions
Towards Hattin
More to follow. Unlimitedlead ( talk) 11:29, 18 May 2023 (UTC)
That is all from me at this time. Unlimitedlead ( talk) 12:55, 22 May 2023 (UTC)
Toolbox |
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![]() | This peer review discussion is closed. |
I've listed this article for peer review because it may need significant improvements before nominating it as a FAC. As Raymond was a controversial figure just before the crusaders' catastophic defeat at Hattin by Saladin, I think neutrality can be a potential problem. Thank you for your time.
Thanks, Borsoka ( talk) 04:45, 10 March 2023 (UTC)
A first perusal reveals a mixture of English and American spellings. Among the former are defence (twice), neighbouring, organise and rumours, and among the latter, advisor (twice), defenseless, favor (twice) and jewelry. Before going to FAC you need to standardise on one or the other: either is fine, but a mixture is not. The above are the spellings I spotted, but I recommend you check the whole text for other inconsistencies. I'm sure I don't need to add that my comments refer only to the main text, and that quotations should remain in the original spellings whether BrE or AmE.
I noticed a large number of "however"s in the text – fourteen, I think (two in one paragraph). The word is seldom necessary, and often impedes the flow of the prose. I suggest you remove as many as you can. For instance, in "the enemy forces, however, seriously outnumbered their retinue" and "His praise was tempered with criticism, however", the howevers add nothing of value and would be better removed. There are even more "also"s in the text, and a fair few of them could advantageously be removed.
You mention your concern about neutrality. I got no impression that it was a problem on my first read-through, but will reread and comment further. Tim riley talk 12:17, 11 March 2023 (UTC)
I have added this PR to the Template:FAC peer review sidebar to get quicker and more responses. When this PR is closed, please remove it from the list. Also, consider adding the sidebar to your userpage to help others discover pre-FAC PRs, and please review other articles in that template. Thanks! Z1720 ( talk) 01:40, 2 April 2023 (UTC)
Soon. Unlimitedlead ( talk) 19:53, 13 May 2023 (UTC)
More to follow. Unlimitedlead ( talk) 23:27, 14 May 2023 (UTC) Minority
First years of majority
More to follow. Unlimitedlead ( talk) 13:15, 15 May 2023 (UTC) Captivity
More to follow. Unlimitedlead ( talk) 17:31, 16 May 2023 (UTC)
First regency
Campaigns
Dynastic factions
Towards Hattin
More to follow. Unlimitedlead ( talk) 11:29, 18 May 2023 (UTC)
That is all from me at this time. Unlimitedlead ( talk) 12:55, 22 May 2023 (UTC)