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This peer review discussion is closed. |
Looking for a peer review to identify issues or objections that would be brought up during a Feature Article nomination. It has been nearly two years since it has been promoted to a Good Article. In that time, I have periodically revisited it to give it a critical read to see where it can be improved. At this point, I think it is ready. Do you? Thank you. RecycledPixels ( talk) 07:17, 12 August 2021 (UTC)
I'll look at this sporadically over the day, right now I will just be doing some minor copyediting. If you disagree with any of the changes I've made, please feel free to revert them. I'll post some more detailed comments later today.
Zetana (
talk) 21:42, 13 October 2021 (UTC)
Okay, here's what I have so far. Overall I think it's pretty good! Zetana ( talk) 22:27, 13 October 2021 (UTC)
The week-long hunt became the largest search and rescue operation in the Pacific Ocean at the time.Later, you write in "Search" that
The week-long search for the missing plane eventually became the largest search in the Pacific Ocean to date.I would just like to ask if you know if there has been a larger S&R operation or not.
In that incident, all 31 passengers had been rescued...and flight crew as well?
a reassessment of the airline's maintenance practices.
Alright, I copied the current version of the page (looking at 1052395032) and made a number of prose changes. Here's the before-and-after comparison I made in my sandbox. If you have the visual diff comparison on, it might be easier to see what I changed (I think it's in Preferences --> Beta). Again they're just suggestions, it's how I would write if I was the main author, but it's your work so edit as you see fit. I also have a number of additional comments below:
More than 90 minutes later, at 8:11 p.m...the math seems off here, since the previous timestamp was
6:42 p.m.
...military authorities were asked to prepare additional planes and ships...asked by whom?
A Pan American pilot en route...there's a stray quote mark at the end of this sentence, was it supposed to indicate a quote here?
Rear Admiral T. A. Ahroon, commander of the Philippine Sea, reported that there was no evidence that a midair explosion had occurred, but the Navy also found that many of the pieces of debris bore distinct evidence of fire damage.The "but" is implying some sort of relevant relation/disconnect between the explosion theory and fire damage evidence, just checking if this is intentional
Jack Gilberg GrahamGraham's page says he conducted the bombing in 1955, but was convicted in 1956
The following year, it was revealed that the Western Life Insurance Company...who revealed this? a news agency?
CAB investigators said that laboratory examination of the plane's wreckage had ruled out the possibility of a bomb explosion of any kind aboard the aircraft.It seems like this should also be noted in the CAB investigation section
had been, where "was" or another past tense verb could be substituted, I didn't look too much into it while I was reviewing but would recommend a double check on this to free up the phrase variety
Additionally, if you haven't considered it already, a FAC mentorship would probably be very useful and increase the chances of a successful nomination. I'm not very familiar with the FAC process but the mentorship should help smooth things over. Zetana ( talk) 07:04, 29 October 2021 (UTC)
Ironically, I have a peer review on an article about the beauty of flying; I guess beauty comes at a cost. You are welcome to put comments there; no pressure though. At a quick scroll this looks like a decent FAC. Comments below. Non-body covers the lead, infobox, notes, refs, and below. Gerald WL 22:39, 20 December 2021 (UTC)
@ RecycledPixels: to ensure that they saw the above comments. This PR has been open since August: are you ready to bring this to FAC? Z1720 ( talk) 21:55, 30 January 2022 (UTC)
Toolbox |
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This peer review discussion is closed. |
Looking for a peer review to identify issues or objections that would be brought up during a Feature Article nomination. It has been nearly two years since it has been promoted to a Good Article. In that time, I have periodically revisited it to give it a critical read to see where it can be improved. At this point, I think it is ready. Do you? Thank you. RecycledPixels ( talk) 07:17, 12 August 2021 (UTC)
I'll look at this sporadically over the day, right now I will just be doing some minor copyediting. If you disagree with any of the changes I've made, please feel free to revert them. I'll post some more detailed comments later today.
Zetana (
talk) 21:42, 13 October 2021 (UTC)
Okay, here's what I have so far. Overall I think it's pretty good! Zetana ( talk) 22:27, 13 October 2021 (UTC)
The week-long hunt became the largest search and rescue operation in the Pacific Ocean at the time.Later, you write in "Search" that
The week-long search for the missing plane eventually became the largest search in the Pacific Ocean to date.I would just like to ask if you know if there has been a larger S&R operation or not.
In that incident, all 31 passengers had been rescued...and flight crew as well?
a reassessment of the airline's maintenance practices.
Alright, I copied the current version of the page (looking at 1052395032) and made a number of prose changes. Here's the before-and-after comparison I made in my sandbox. If you have the visual diff comparison on, it might be easier to see what I changed (I think it's in Preferences --> Beta). Again they're just suggestions, it's how I would write if I was the main author, but it's your work so edit as you see fit. I also have a number of additional comments below:
More than 90 minutes later, at 8:11 p.m...the math seems off here, since the previous timestamp was
6:42 p.m.
...military authorities were asked to prepare additional planes and ships...asked by whom?
A Pan American pilot en route...there's a stray quote mark at the end of this sentence, was it supposed to indicate a quote here?
Rear Admiral T. A. Ahroon, commander of the Philippine Sea, reported that there was no evidence that a midair explosion had occurred, but the Navy also found that many of the pieces of debris bore distinct evidence of fire damage.The "but" is implying some sort of relevant relation/disconnect between the explosion theory and fire damage evidence, just checking if this is intentional
Jack Gilberg GrahamGraham's page says he conducted the bombing in 1955, but was convicted in 1956
The following year, it was revealed that the Western Life Insurance Company...who revealed this? a news agency?
CAB investigators said that laboratory examination of the plane's wreckage had ruled out the possibility of a bomb explosion of any kind aboard the aircraft.It seems like this should also be noted in the CAB investigation section
had been, where "was" or another past tense verb could be substituted, I didn't look too much into it while I was reviewing but would recommend a double check on this to free up the phrase variety
Additionally, if you haven't considered it already, a FAC mentorship would probably be very useful and increase the chances of a successful nomination. I'm not very familiar with the FAC process but the mentorship should help smooth things over. Zetana ( talk) 07:04, 29 October 2021 (UTC)
Ironically, I have a peer review on an article about the beauty of flying; I guess beauty comes at a cost. You are welcome to put comments there; no pressure though. At a quick scroll this looks like a decent FAC. Comments below. Non-body covers the lead, infobox, notes, refs, and below. Gerald WL 22:39, 20 December 2021 (UTC)
@ RecycledPixels: to ensure that they saw the above comments. This PR has been open since August: are you ready to bring this to FAC? Z1720 ( talk) 21:55, 30 January 2022 (UTC)