This peer review discussion has been closed.
Article about former NHL player Luc Bourdon, who died in a motorcycle accident back in May. The article passed the GA process back in July, and I've recently expanded the article in hopes of an FA nomination soon. Particular attention to the prose, one of my weaker aspects, would be most appreciated.
Thanks, Kaiser matias ( talk) 01:41, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
Brianboulton writes: I will do a full-length review as soon as possible, hopefully within next 24 hours. Brianboulton ( talk) 00:06, 31 October 2008 (UTC)
OK, I've done my best to read through and to understand what I was reading. A problem with most sports-related articles is the need to use terms unfamiliar to those who are not acquainted with the sport or its organisation and structure. Though many of these terms are unavoidable, the article needs to be written with an awareness that it is for a general encyclopedia readership rather than for a knowledgeable sports readership. This is particularly so early in the article, or the reader will be put off. I had difficulty, in the lead, in understanding what "third overall in the 2003 (QMJHL) draft" meant, and the following sentence: "The Canucks drafted Bourdon with their first pick, tenth overall in the 2005 NHL Entry draft" - I found incomprehensible. Words like "pick" and "draft" obviously have specific meanings in ice hockey circles, but as these were unexplained, I began the main article in a sense of confusion.
Some specific points:-
Need to take a short break here. Will return in a while. Brianboulton ( talk) 22:42, 31 October 2008 (UTC)
:Sorry for not responding, I've been out of the country for the last week and have had limited internet access. I will return home on the 8th, and will go over everything then. I greatly appreciate that you've taken the time to go over the article, an don't want to leave the impression that I'm totally ignoring this review.
Kaiser matias (
talk)
19:54, 4 November 2008 (UTC)
More review comments
Sorry I can't be more helpful, but I felt somewhat out of my depth with this article, due to a lack of specialised knowledge. Good luck with it, anyhow. Brianboulton ( talk) 11:35, 11 November 2008 (UTC)
Bamsefar75 writes: Just made a quick read of the article. Mainly I noted that...
-- Bamsefar75 ( talk) 01:58, 13 November 2008 (UTC)
-- Maxim (talk) 15:48, 16 November 2008 (UTC)
This peer review discussion has been closed.
Article about former NHL player Luc Bourdon, who died in a motorcycle accident back in May. The article passed the GA process back in July, and I've recently expanded the article in hopes of an FA nomination soon. Particular attention to the prose, one of my weaker aspects, would be most appreciated.
Thanks, Kaiser matias ( talk) 01:41, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
Brianboulton writes: I will do a full-length review as soon as possible, hopefully within next 24 hours. Brianboulton ( talk) 00:06, 31 October 2008 (UTC)
OK, I've done my best to read through and to understand what I was reading. A problem with most sports-related articles is the need to use terms unfamiliar to those who are not acquainted with the sport or its organisation and structure. Though many of these terms are unavoidable, the article needs to be written with an awareness that it is for a general encyclopedia readership rather than for a knowledgeable sports readership. This is particularly so early in the article, or the reader will be put off. I had difficulty, in the lead, in understanding what "third overall in the 2003 (QMJHL) draft" meant, and the following sentence: "The Canucks drafted Bourdon with their first pick, tenth overall in the 2005 NHL Entry draft" - I found incomprehensible. Words like "pick" and "draft" obviously have specific meanings in ice hockey circles, but as these were unexplained, I began the main article in a sense of confusion.
Some specific points:-
Need to take a short break here. Will return in a while. Brianboulton ( talk) 22:42, 31 October 2008 (UTC)
:Sorry for not responding, I've been out of the country for the last week and have had limited internet access. I will return home on the 8th, and will go over everything then. I greatly appreciate that you've taken the time to go over the article, an don't want to leave the impression that I'm totally ignoring this review.
Kaiser matias (
talk)
19:54, 4 November 2008 (UTC)
More review comments
Sorry I can't be more helpful, but I felt somewhat out of my depth with this article, due to a lack of specialised knowledge. Good luck with it, anyhow. Brianboulton ( talk) 11:35, 11 November 2008 (UTC)
Bamsefar75 writes: Just made a quick read of the article. Mainly I noted that...
-- Bamsefar75 ( talk) 01:58, 13 November 2008 (UTC)
-- Maxim (talk) 15:48, 16 November 2008 (UTC)