This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it has the potential to be a FL. This Peer review would help the list for further improvisation.
"Debuting at Bollywood with The Hero (2003), she received the Stardust Award for Best Supporting Actress in 2004." → She made her acting debut at Bollywood with The Hero in 2003, and received the Stardust Award for Best Supporting Actress for her performance in the film.
That year, she won the Filmfare Award for Best Female Debut for her role in Andaaz (2003), as well as the Filmfare Best Villain Award for her performance in Aitraaz (2004); she became the second and last woman to win the latter before the category was retired in 2008. → In the same year, she featured in Andaaz which earned her the Filmfare Award for Best Female Debut for her role. She won the Filmfare Best Villain Award for her performance in Aitraaz in 2005; she became the second woman, after Kajol, to win the award before the category was retired in 2008.
Colours shouldn't be used alone, you need to use symbol along with the colours and check them against
WP:ACCESS.
Resolved and Explained below.—
PKS:1142·(TALK) 17:46, 1 January 2013 (UTC)
ZiaKhan 20:25, 31 December 2012 (UTC)reply
please, take a look now, I think it's look more good now.—
PKS:1142·(TALK) 02:48, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
None of my concerns is addressed yet, you've just introduced a new paragraph to the lead section.
ZiaKhan 06:33, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Now, your issues are resolved. Thank you for the help.—
PKS:1142·(TALK) 17:17, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Hey Zia, I did some copy edit of the lead to make it flow better. Care to take a look? I still believe the references can be improved though. —
Indian:BIO · [
ChitChat ] 08:38, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Don't you think, you should point out weaknesses rather than correcting everything, coz what I know about peer review is that other editors point out mistakes and nominators addresses them not others.....pls follow the rule and please point out mistakes.—
PKS:1142·(TALK) 16:36, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Just a comment. "Colours shouldn't be used alone, you need to use symbol" ehm no. The text inside the box is enough to meet accessibility. —
ΛΧΣ21 17:14, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Let me take a look. This is studied on a case by case basis. Mostly, awards and nomination lists are excluded from thr use of a symbol. Sorry if I was too brief and lacking substance in my previous comment (I was eating). —
ΛΧΣ21 17:29, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
No problem, I'm just curious to learn somthing new!
ZiaKhan 17:34, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Okay. I have taken a look. This is why your list needs the use of symbols, and why this one doesn't: This list has three options: won, nominated and pending. Such information doesn't need the use of a colour to give any value to its meaning. Also, those fields are rendered with three different templates already meeting
WP:ACCESS: {{won}}, {{nom}} and {{pending}}. The difference with your list is that you don't use the colours on a defined sequence and, in the leyend, you have two fields without using any colour. —
ΛΧΣ21 17:35, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Thanks for that.
ZiaKhan 17:42, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
You're welcome. I have supported your list. Good luck :) —
ΛΧΣ21 17:45, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
More comments
"Aitraaz" should be in italicised and also link it
Born in Jamshedpur, India on 18 July 1982 and raised in many cities across the country, Chopra moved to Newton, Massachusetts and later to Cedar Rapids, Iowa for higher studies.[1] After spending four years in the United States, Chopra returned to India where → No need of this, I think
I had worked hard on the references too, don't has much issue.:AllDone.—
PKS:1142·(TALK) 02:29, 2 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Giants2008 comments – This definitely looks improved from the state it was in at its first FLC. Still needs a little work on various prose and other issues, though.
I count 80 nominations in the infobox listing, not 79 as the totals and lead claim.
"in categories mostly ranging from Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress." This isn't really a range; maybe you could try a semi-colon before this and then "most were in the Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress categories."
Without the "were" it should be something like "awards and nominations, mostly in the categories...".Giants2008 (
Talk) 01:10, 10 January 2013 (UTC)reply
"various film and fashion organization groups has awarded Chopra several achievement honours." Would be much cleaner prose-wise as "various film and fashion organizations have given Chopra honours."
"The Bengal Film Journalists Association Awards is the oldest association of film critics in India". The awards themselves can't be the association. Replacing "is" with "are presented by" should be an adequate fix.
In "between 2005 to 2007", "to" should be "and". Alternately, you could try "from" before the years.Giants2008 (
Talk) 01:10, 10 January 2013 (UTC)reply
"The awards are presented by the President of India. Due to its national scale, it is considered...". Since "awards" is correctly plural, "its" and "it is" should be "their" and "they are", respectively.
I don't know what you did to the award title, but it should be the way it was before, except that one of the dashes used elsewhere in this section should go between the award name and category.Giants2008 (
Talk) 01:10, 10 January 2013 (UTC)reply
I still see the same title. Is it ever used in the media? We don't see it in the U.S., and I'm curious as to why they wouldn't go under other awards.Giants2008 (
Talk) 01:10, 10 January 2013 (UTC)reply
The "Other awards" section contains a list of non-notable awards. Is it an indication that this list contains each and every single award that she won till date.
I didnt understand your issue on this.—
PKS(TALK) 03:36, 9 January 2013 (UTC)reply
The section has a lot of non-notable awards. Are you sure that each and every single award that she has won to date has been listed in the page? —
Vensatry(Ping me) 14:49, 13 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Yes, every award, she has won is listed here.—
PKS(TALK) 02:09, 27 January 2013 (UTC)reply
From 2009 to 2012, Chopra received 30 nominations is not verified by the source.
Infobox has every numbers..—
PKS(TALK) 03:36, 9 January 2013 (UTC)reply
"The following year, Rediff ranked her first on their annual listing of "Bollywood's Best Actress". Eastern Eye twice ranked her at the top of their list of "World's Sexiest Asian Women": unsourced.
She participated in the Femina Miss India 2000 contest, winning the Femina Miss India World title. - She participated in the Femina Miss India 2000 contest and won the Miss India World title.
After that, she competed in the Miss World pageant, where she was crowned Miss World 2000 and Miss World Continental − Asia & Oceania. - no need to use After that - you can use Eventually instead. - Also remove , after pageant
During her nine year career, Chopra has received various awards and nominations; most were in the Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress categories - Chopra has received various awards and nominations; most in the categories of Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress
She made her Bollywood film debut in The Hero in 2003 for which she received an award for Best Supporting Actress at the Stardust Awards. - She made her acting debut at Bollywood with The Hero in 2003 for which she received the award for Best Supporting Actress at the Stardust Awards.
She made her Bollywood debut in 2003 not acting debut, her acting debut was in 2002.
The same year, Chopra received four nominations for her part in Andaaz, and she won the Filmfare Award for Best Female Debut - The same year, Chopra received four nominations for her part in Andaaz and won the Filmfare Award for Best Female Debut
Chopra then starred in Fashion in 2008 for which she won every "Best Actress" award in India, - Chopra starred in Fashion in 2008 for which she won every "Best Actress" award in India,
Chopra's first single "In My City" was released in 2012 by Interscope Records and won her a People's Choice Award for "Best International Debut" and three nominations at the World Music Awards. - Chopra's first single, "In My City" which was released in 2012 by Interscope Records won her a People's Choice Award for "Best International Debut" and three nominations at the World Music Awards.
Apart from acting awards, various film and fashion organizations have given Chopra honours - Apart from acting, various film and fashion organizations have honored Chopra
She was chosen as Goddess of Atlantis in 2008 for the inauguration function of Atlantis, The Palm, a luxury holiday resort in Dubai. - She was chosen as the Goddess of Atlantis in 2008 for the inaugural function of Atlantis, The Palm, a luxury holiday resort in Dubai.
People and Maxim magazines declared her the best dressed woman and the "hottest girl" in India for 2011. - People and Maxim magazines declared her as the best dressed woman and the "hottest girl" in India in 2011.
Chopra was declared as the topmost influential Indian in the social media circuit by Pinstorm India. - Chopra was declared as the most influential Indian in the social media circuit by Pinstorm India.
Comments from Wikipedian Penguin: I decided to get down and dirty, and performed a copy edit to the lead. See what you think. The biggest weak point for it was the repetitious flow. It read like a list and sentences were structured the same. I've done my best, but if you can read the lead aloud and spot any rough and repetitive spots, be sure to fix those. The lead is an FLC's biggest chance to give a positive impression to the reader and if it suffers, the whole article does. This one's a bit tricky: there's quite a lot of the word "of" in the lead and it doesn't sound pleasant the way it is placed throughout. It is important to vary the prose, and sometimes that is easier said than done. Get creative: rearrange words, phrases, and even remove needless phrases. Nevertheless, I think the introduction has improved. Hope this helps. —
WP:PENGUIN·[
TALK ] 18:49, 27 January 2013 (UTC)reply
will definitely do that. Its waiting Copy/edit from GOCE and would definitely would be free in one week. Hence, waiting for it.PrashantConversation 03:17, 28 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Done
Thank You Everyone for your help. I think the list has improved and is much better now.PrashantConversation 20:35, 30 January 2013 (UTC)reply
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it has the potential to be a FL. This Peer review would help the list for further improvisation.
"Debuting at Bollywood with The Hero (2003), she received the Stardust Award for Best Supporting Actress in 2004." → She made her acting debut at Bollywood with The Hero in 2003, and received the Stardust Award for Best Supporting Actress for her performance in the film.
That year, she won the Filmfare Award for Best Female Debut for her role in Andaaz (2003), as well as the Filmfare Best Villain Award for her performance in Aitraaz (2004); she became the second and last woman to win the latter before the category was retired in 2008. → In the same year, she featured in Andaaz which earned her the Filmfare Award for Best Female Debut for her role. She won the Filmfare Best Villain Award for her performance in Aitraaz in 2005; she became the second woman, after Kajol, to win the award before the category was retired in 2008.
Colours shouldn't be used alone, you need to use symbol along with the colours and check them against
WP:ACCESS.
Resolved and Explained below.—
PKS:1142·(TALK) 17:46, 1 January 2013 (UTC)
ZiaKhan 20:25, 31 December 2012 (UTC)reply
please, take a look now, I think it's look more good now.—
PKS:1142·(TALK) 02:48, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
None of my concerns is addressed yet, you've just introduced a new paragraph to the lead section.
ZiaKhan 06:33, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Now, your issues are resolved. Thank you for the help.—
PKS:1142·(TALK) 17:17, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Hey Zia, I did some copy edit of the lead to make it flow better. Care to take a look? I still believe the references can be improved though. —
Indian:BIO · [
ChitChat ] 08:38, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Don't you think, you should point out weaknesses rather than correcting everything, coz what I know about peer review is that other editors point out mistakes and nominators addresses them not others.....pls follow the rule and please point out mistakes.—
PKS:1142·(TALK) 16:36, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Just a comment. "Colours shouldn't be used alone, you need to use symbol" ehm no. The text inside the box is enough to meet accessibility. —
ΛΧΣ21 17:14, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Let me take a look. This is studied on a case by case basis. Mostly, awards and nomination lists are excluded from thr use of a symbol. Sorry if I was too brief and lacking substance in my previous comment (I was eating). —
ΛΧΣ21 17:29, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
No problem, I'm just curious to learn somthing new!
ZiaKhan 17:34, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Okay. I have taken a look. This is why your list needs the use of symbols, and why this one doesn't: This list has three options: won, nominated and pending. Such information doesn't need the use of a colour to give any value to its meaning. Also, those fields are rendered with three different templates already meeting
WP:ACCESS: {{won}}, {{nom}} and {{pending}}. The difference with your list is that you don't use the colours on a defined sequence and, in the leyend, you have two fields without using any colour. —
ΛΧΣ21 17:35, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Thanks for that.
ZiaKhan 17:42, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
You're welcome. I have supported your list. Good luck :) —
ΛΧΣ21 17:45, 1 January 2013 (UTC)reply
More comments
"Aitraaz" should be in italicised and also link it
Born in Jamshedpur, India on 18 July 1982 and raised in many cities across the country, Chopra moved to Newton, Massachusetts and later to Cedar Rapids, Iowa for higher studies.[1] After spending four years in the United States, Chopra returned to India where → No need of this, I think
I had worked hard on the references too, don't has much issue.:AllDone.—
PKS:1142·(TALK) 02:29, 2 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Giants2008 comments – This definitely looks improved from the state it was in at its first FLC. Still needs a little work on various prose and other issues, though.
I count 80 nominations in the infobox listing, not 79 as the totals and lead claim.
"in categories mostly ranging from Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress." This isn't really a range; maybe you could try a semi-colon before this and then "most were in the Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress categories."
Without the "were" it should be something like "awards and nominations, mostly in the categories...".Giants2008 (
Talk) 01:10, 10 January 2013 (UTC)reply
"various film and fashion organization groups has awarded Chopra several achievement honours." Would be much cleaner prose-wise as "various film and fashion organizations have given Chopra honours."
"The Bengal Film Journalists Association Awards is the oldest association of film critics in India". The awards themselves can't be the association. Replacing "is" with "are presented by" should be an adequate fix.
In "between 2005 to 2007", "to" should be "and". Alternately, you could try "from" before the years.Giants2008 (
Talk) 01:10, 10 January 2013 (UTC)reply
"The awards are presented by the President of India. Due to its national scale, it is considered...". Since "awards" is correctly plural, "its" and "it is" should be "their" and "they are", respectively.
I don't know what you did to the award title, but it should be the way it was before, except that one of the dashes used elsewhere in this section should go between the award name and category.Giants2008 (
Talk) 01:10, 10 January 2013 (UTC)reply
I still see the same title. Is it ever used in the media? We don't see it in the U.S., and I'm curious as to why they wouldn't go under other awards.Giants2008 (
Talk) 01:10, 10 January 2013 (UTC)reply
The "Other awards" section contains a list of non-notable awards. Is it an indication that this list contains each and every single award that she won till date.
I didnt understand your issue on this.—
PKS(TALK) 03:36, 9 January 2013 (UTC)reply
The section has a lot of non-notable awards. Are you sure that each and every single award that she has won to date has been listed in the page? —
Vensatry(Ping me) 14:49, 13 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Yes, every award, she has won is listed here.—
PKS(TALK) 02:09, 27 January 2013 (UTC)reply
From 2009 to 2012, Chopra received 30 nominations is not verified by the source.
Infobox has every numbers..—
PKS(TALK) 03:36, 9 January 2013 (UTC)reply
"The following year, Rediff ranked her first on their annual listing of "Bollywood's Best Actress". Eastern Eye twice ranked her at the top of their list of "World's Sexiest Asian Women": unsourced.
She participated in the Femina Miss India 2000 contest, winning the Femina Miss India World title. - She participated in the Femina Miss India 2000 contest and won the Miss India World title.
After that, she competed in the Miss World pageant, where she was crowned Miss World 2000 and Miss World Continental − Asia & Oceania. - no need to use After that - you can use Eventually instead. - Also remove , after pageant
During her nine year career, Chopra has received various awards and nominations; most were in the Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress categories - Chopra has received various awards and nominations; most in the categories of Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress
She made her Bollywood film debut in The Hero in 2003 for which she received an award for Best Supporting Actress at the Stardust Awards. - She made her acting debut at Bollywood with The Hero in 2003 for which she received the award for Best Supporting Actress at the Stardust Awards.
She made her Bollywood debut in 2003 not acting debut, her acting debut was in 2002.
The same year, Chopra received four nominations for her part in Andaaz, and she won the Filmfare Award for Best Female Debut - The same year, Chopra received four nominations for her part in Andaaz and won the Filmfare Award for Best Female Debut
Chopra then starred in Fashion in 2008 for which she won every "Best Actress" award in India, - Chopra starred in Fashion in 2008 for which she won every "Best Actress" award in India,
Chopra's first single "In My City" was released in 2012 by Interscope Records and won her a People's Choice Award for "Best International Debut" and three nominations at the World Music Awards. - Chopra's first single, "In My City" which was released in 2012 by Interscope Records won her a People's Choice Award for "Best International Debut" and three nominations at the World Music Awards.
Apart from acting awards, various film and fashion organizations have given Chopra honours - Apart from acting, various film and fashion organizations have honored Chopra
She was chosen as Goddess of Atlantis in 2008 for the inauguration function of Atlantis, The Palm, a luxury holiday resort in Dubai. - She was chosen as the Goddess of Atlantis in 2008 for the inaugural function of Atlantis, The Palm, a luxury holiday resort in Dubai.
People and Maxim magazines declared her the best dressed woman and the "hottest girl" in India for 2011. - People and Maxim magazines declared her as the best dressed woman and the "hottest girl" in India in 2011.
Chopra was declared as the topmost influential Indian in the social media circuit by Pinstorm India. - Chopra was declared as the most influential Indian in the social media circuit by Pinstorm India.
Comments from Wikipedian Penguin: I decided to get down and dirty, and performed a copy edit to the lead. See what you think. The biggest weak point for it was the repetitious flow. It read like a list and sentences were structured the same. I've done my best, but if you can read the lead aloud and spot any rough and repetitive spots, be sure to fix those. The lead is an FLC's biggest chance to give a positive impression to the reader and if it suffers, the whole article does. This one's a bit tricky: there's quite a lot of the word "of" in the lead and it doesn't sound pleasant the way it is placed throughout. It is important to vary the prose, and sometimes that is easier said than done. Get creative: rearrange words, phrases, and even remove needless phrases. Nevertheless, I think the introduction has improved. Hope this helps. —
WP:PENGUIN·[
TALK ] 18:49, 27 January 2013 (UTC)reply
will definitely do that. Its waiting Copy/edit from GOCE and would definitely would be free in one week. Hence, waiting for it.PrashantConversation 03:17, 28 January 2013 (UTC)reply
Done
Thank You Everyone for your help. I think the list has improved and is much better now.PrashantConversation 20:35, 30 January 2013 (UTC)reply