Since I failed the GA nomination a month back for reasons that I didn't see at first, I have done a lot of work cleaning up the Sakic page. However, I still think it's lacking some good, clear writing, and some information needs to be moved. I want the outside help of some users here to get the best possible result, so that this article can pass GA and possibly even FA nominations within a short time. I look forward for your input.
Kaiser matias23:24, 9 April 2007 (UTC)reply
Some comments below. Overall great start - excellent references so far. I can help out in a week or so, but right now I'm working on bringing a different hockey article up to GA or FA. :)
After reading once, I think it needs to be a lot more thorough to get to GA status. There are only a couple sentences about each of his seasons, and some seasons are completely skipped over. This is just a matter of looking up more sources and describing in prose what he did each season. Got some more basic information about his time in Quebec and parts of ColoradoWrote information about every season he has played
The article doesn't talk much about his leadership effect on the Avalanche, and I know he is considered one of the best "captains" and team leaders in the history of hockey. The article should have a sourced section on that. Yet to tackle that issueHave the first mention of him becoming a leader of the team
I'd like to see a separate heading for his involvement in national and Olympic teams. Completely overhauled that section
The info about his street and his nicknames doesn't really fit in the "Early life" heading. Changed title
I've done a lot of what you said, but after twelve hours and 25 edits to the article, I need to get some sleep. Any more input would be good to hear.
Kaiser matias05:30, 10 April 2007 (UTC)reply
Personal life section really needs expansion and cleanup. It's a collection of one or two-line paragraphs. "Sakic is known for his prolific offensive skills and is considered by many to have the best wrist shot in the NHL" isn't even about his personal life. Fixed
Reference positioning needs sorting out. Inline citations are placed after punctuation, rather than before. Fixed all that
I'm not sure about this sentence: "During the 1986-87 WHL season, Sakic was part of one of the worst tragedies to ever happen in the CHL." It needs rephrasing - "part of a tragedy" sounds awkward. Reworded
With the awards section, you don't need to place a NHL cite after each award. Placing it on the first entry should indicate that all awards are cited to the NHL. Done
Records and achievements could be turned into prose; I'm not sure how other hockey articles handle it. Looks like other articles are the same way, so I'm leaving it
The article's definitely better. However, the personal life section still needs a little expansion or clarification; from the first to second paragraph, it seems to jump from him entering kindergarden to him being a fan favourite. 'Joe' should be 'Sakic'; for example, "His younger brother, Brian, who was a member of the Swift Current Broncos in Joe's final season"
CloudNine18:06, 16 April 2007 (UTC)reply
Since I failed the GA nomination a month back for reasons that I didn't see at first, I have done a lot of work cleaning up the Sakic page. However, I still think it's lacking some good, clear writing, and some information needs to be moved. I want the outside help of some users here to get the best possible result, so that this article can pass GA and possibly even FA nominations within a short time. I look forward for your input.
Kaiser matias23:24, 9 April 2007 (UTC)reply
Some comments below. Overall great start - excellent references so far. I can help out in a week or so, but right now I'm working on bringing a different hockey article up to GA or FA. :)
After reading once, I think it needs to be a lot more thorough to get to GA status. There are only a couple sentences about each of his seasons, and some seasons are completely skipped over. This is just a matter of looking up more sources and describing in prose what he did each season. Got some more basic information about his time in Quebec and parts of ColoradoWrote information about every season he has played
The article doesn't talk much about his leadership effect on the Avalanche, and I know he is considered one of the best "captains" and team leaders in the history of hockey. The article should have a sourced section on that. Yet to tackle that issueHave the first mention of him becoming a leader of the team
I'd like to see a separate heading for his involvement in national and Olympic teams. Completely overhauled that section
The info about his street and his nicknames doesn't really fit in the "Early life" heading. Changed title
I've done a lot of what you said, but after twelve hours and 25 edits to the article, I need to get some sleep. Any more input would be good to hear.
Kaiser matias05:30, 10 April 2007 (UTC)reply
Personal life section really needs expansion and cleanup. It's a collection of one or two-line paragraphs. "Sakic is known for his prolific offensive skills and is considered by many to have the best wrist shot in the NHL" isn't even about his personal life. Fixed
Reference positioning needs sorting out. Inline citations are placed after punctuation, rather than before. Fixed all that
I'm not sure about this sentence: "During the 1986-87 WHL season, Sakic was part of one of the worst tragedies to ever happen in the CHL." It needs rephrasing - "part of a tragedy" sounds awkward. Reworded
With the awards section, you don't need to place a NHL cite after each award. Placing it on the first entry should indicate that all awards are cited to the NHL. Done
Records and achievements could be turned into prose; I'm not sure how other hockey articles handle it. Looks like other articles are the same way, so I'm leaving it
The article's definitely better. However, the personal life section still needs a little expansion or clarification; from the first to second paragraph, it seems to jump from him entering kindergarden to him being a fan favourite. 'Joe' should be 'Sakic'; for example, "His younger brother, Brian, who was a member of the Swift Current Broncos in Joe's final season"
CloudNine18:06, 16 April 2007 (UTC)reply