A script has been used to generate a semi-
automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and
house style; it can be found on the
automated peer review page for October 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because i would like to see what status it would be able to achieve to start off with.
Brian Boulton comments: I will do my best to get round to this in the next day or so. In the meantime, can I suggest that you move one of the images, perhaps the harbour, up to the lead? The article looks strange without a lead image.
Brianboulton (
talk)
22:49, 31 October 2008 (UTC)reply
Here are comments on the first few sections:-
Lead
The lead, apart from needing an image, is under-linked. The following terms should be linked: royal burgh; burgh of barony (not "barons")—this term is linked later, but should be linked at first mention; Bronze Age; cist; linoleum; flax.
Some stray commas: commas are required after "landscape" and after "12th century". Commas should be deleted after "cist burials" and "nail making"
The word "nonetheless does not seem necessary
The statement that "The town's history begins as a villa" is troublesome on two counts. First, the town's history does not begin as a villa; it might begin with a villa. Secondly, the statement is too terse, without any explanation as to what a villa is, in this context. Possibly "a single dwelling". But a little further explanation is necessary
You need to rephrase the sentence beginning "Although Kirkcaldy benefitted greatly...", indicating how the town benefitted from the products which you name.
Overall, the lead is a little short. This may not be too much of a problem for GA purposes, but if you have FA as a goal, the lead will definitely need expansion.
Early history
"later", in parentheses, is uninformative; can you give a date approximation?
The whole formulation in the parentheses is awkward: (later a 4mi/6.4 km). "mi" is not used when miles are the principal measurement. Personally, I would rephrase the whole sentence, avoiding brackets altogether except to indicate the metric equivalent.
We have the unexplained villa description again. Assuming that a villa is just what it sounds like, why was reference to Kirkcaldy as a villa an indication that it was regarded as a town? The opposite indication seems more likely.
The sentence which begins "In granting this right, a year later, the kin though..." reads a bit clumsily. Try dropping te comma after "right" and losing the "though" altogether.
In the sentence beginning "Kirkcaldy therefore now had the right to trade..." I suggest dropping "therefore" and bringing forward the "for the first time" clause, so that the sentence begins: "Kirlcaldy now had, for the first time, the right to trade..."
The word "whilst" is disapproved by Wikipedia because "in American English...it can seem pretentious or archaic" (see
Whilst). Personally I see nothing with te word, but there are plenty who do.
"...playing a part to boost Scland's economy" would be more grammatical if amended to "playing a part in boosting Scotland's economy"
David II seems rather improbably long-lived. We have him devising charters in 1128 and 1130, then he is apparently requesting a regality charter in the late 14th century! Were there two David IIs?
A script has been used to generate a semi-
automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and
house style; it can be found on the
automated peer review page for October 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because i would like to see what status it would be able to achieve to start off with.
Brian Boulton comments: I will do my best to get round to this in the next day or so. In the meantime, can I suggest that you move one of the images, perhaps the harbour, up to the lead? The article looks strange without a lead image.
Brianboulton (
talk)
22:49, 31 October 2008 (UTC)reply
Here are comments on the first few sections:-
Lead
The lead, apart from needing an image, is under-linked. The following terms should be linked: royal burgh; burgh of barony (not "barons")—this term is linked later, but should be linked at first mention; Bronze Age; cist; linoleum; flax.
Some stray commas: commas are required after "landscape" and after "12th century". Commas should be deleted after "cist burials" and "nail making"
The word "nonetheless does not seem necessary
The statement that "The town's history begins as a villa" is troublesome on two counts. First, the town's history does not begin as a villa; it might begin with a villa. Secondly, the statement is too terse, without any explanation as to what a villa is, in this context. Possibly "a single dwelling". But a little further explanation is necessary
You need to rephrase the sentence beginning "Although Kirkcaldy benefitted greatly...", indicating how the town benefitted from the products which you name.
Overall, the lead is a little short. This may not be too much of a problem for GA purposes, but if you have FA as a goal, the lead will definitely need expansion.
Early history
"later", in parentheses, is uninformative; can you give a date approximation?
The whole formulation in the parentheses is awkward: (later a 4mi/6.4 km). "mi" is not used when miles are the principal measurement. Personally, I would rephrase the whole sentence, avoiding brackets altogether except to indicate the metric equivalent.
We have the unexplained villa description again. Assuming that a villa is just what it sounds like, why was reference to Kirkcaldy as a villa an indication that it was regarded as a town? The opposite indication seems more likely.
The sentence which begins "In granting this right, a year later, the kin though..." reads a bit clumsily. Try dropping te comma after "right" and losing the "though" altogether.
In the sentence beginning "Kirkcaldy therefore now had the right to trade..." I suggest dropping "therefore" and bringing forward the "for the first time" clause, so that the sentence begins: "Kirlcaldy now had, for the first time, the right to trade..."
The word "whilst" is disapproved by Wikipedia because "in American English...it can seem pretentious or archaic" (see
Whilst). Personally I see nothing with te word, but there are plenty who do.
"...playing a part to boost Scland's economy" would be more grammatical if amended to "playing a part in boosting Scotland's economy"
David II seems rather improbably long-lived. We have him devising charters in 1128 and 1130, then he is apparently requesting a regality charter in the late 14th century! Were there two David IIs?