This peer review discussion has been closed.
We've listed this article for peer review because we would like some feedback on prose and comprehensive before bringing the article to FAC. This is admittedly an unpopular topic, so we'd like to emphasize the need for neutrality in the article and ask that reviewers pay particular attention to emotive language and the like; some such language may have slipped through our filters.
Why no mention of his class background ? Many historians would surely argue that this was an important factor.
Perhaps briefly summarise his post-Klan life and death at the end of the second paragraph ?
What little we've been able to dig up seems to be in the lede. That he commented on the Klan as late as 1949 doesn't seem important enough for the lede. Mark? —
Crisco 1492 (
talk)
14:43, 8 October 2012 (UTC)reply
Again, no mention of his class or socio-economic background. Considering that his father was a judge then I'd suggest that he was presumably middle-class?
"In addition, he was a freemason, eventually becoming a thirty-second-degree mason, and attended a Disciples of Christ church.[7]" Should we capitalize "freemason" ? I think that this sentence could be better phrased, perhaps to "A practitioner of the Protestant form of Christianity, he attended a church belonging to the Disciples of Christ denomination. In addition, he was a practising Freemason, eventually rising to the thirty-second degree within the brotherhood."
Perhaps we could include a sentence or two detailing what the Klan is, a little about its history, etc ? State what its purpose was, and which minorities – i.e. blacks, homosexuals, Catholics, Jews etc – it despised.
"When he was elected, the chapter had recently received a "self-ruling charter" from the Atlanta-based Klan leadership and was the group's largest chapter" – the word "chapter" is used twice in one sentence; could we use a synonym for the second usage ?
"In 1921, Evans was appointed the "great titan" (executive) of the "Realm of Texas" and led a successful membership drive" – again, this sentence could be rephrased with a little more eloquence; how about "In 1921, Evans was appointed to the position of "great titan" (executive) of the "Realm of Texas" and proceeded to lead a successful membership drive for the state's Klan."
"brutal acts of violence" – "brutal" is a bit of a POV word, and I think it should be removed in this instance. Not everyone might agree that such acts of violence were "brutal".
"To Evans, whiteness and Protestantism were equally valued, and sometimes conflated:[27] he said the Klan supported the "uncontaminated growth of Anglo-Saxon civilization",[26] maintaining that white Protestants had the exclusive right to govern the U.S. because of their descent from early colonists,[28] whom he described as fleeing Europe for the United States to escape its societal bounds" – this sentence is a bit long; I suggest dividing it up into two.
"thus blurring the separation of church and state" – perhaps expand with ", a core tenet of the U.S. constitution", as non-American readers might be a little perplexed as to why Evans would care about this church-state separation considering his Protestant beliefs.
"and denounced acts of terrorism committed" – "terrorism" is almost always a POV word (one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter); I'd suggest replacing it with "violence".
"involve the Klan in politics" – by its very nature, the Klan has always been political, in that it espoused an ideology; perhaps here we should refer to "electoral politics" ?
"under his leadership the Klan's northern supporters had begun to rival those in the south" – in what way did they rival them? Numerically? Also, should "south" be capitalised ?
"Evans avoided publicly clashing with him, fearing that it would hurt the candidacies of Klan-backed politicians:[59] Stephenson was closely involved in the gubernatorial candidacy of Indiana Klan-member Edward L. Jackson,[62] and the Klan saw significant electoral success in that state in 1924; after these victories, Stephenson showed further disdain for Evan" – a ":" followed by a ";" all in one sentence. Needs dividing up into two sentences.
"create a women's Klan organization, but Evans established a women's group and sued him" – perhaps a smoother alternative would read "a parallel white supremacist organization for women, but Evans proceeded to establish a women's group and sued him"
"Klan publications credited their launch of a printing plant and cuts in the cost of robe production with dramatically lowering expenses" I don't understand what this sentence is trying to say, could you rewrite it?
"Although previous Imperial Wizards had lived in lavish properties, Evans initially settled in an apartment after his promotion" – why the "Although"; this sentence doesn't seem to fit together well either.
"Rory McVeigh of the University of Notre Dame argues that this growth was owing to the Klan's exploitation of a "favorable political context",[72] particularly one in which privileged Americans were fearful after increases in suffrage" – Who is McVeigh; a historian ? This "growth" in what, membership ? Suffrage for whom; women ?
Well, presumably he was referring to the women's suffrage, looking back at the source, though, that was kind of a digression from his main point.
Mark Arsten (
talk)
20:21, 8 October 2012 (UTC)reply
The word "Klan" is used repeatedly in the final paragraph here; try introducing some synonyms.
This is in response to both questions: I've looked through Questia, Google News Archive, Google Books, and Highbeam and have been unable to find much. He would have been 60 or so at the time, so its likely he just tried to live peacefully. Old age strikes me as a likely reason for his death. —
Crisco 1492 (
talk)
14:10, 8 October 2012 (UTC)reply
Reception:
This section could definately do with expansion, if the sources permit this. Perhaps refer to those historical studies of the Klan that refer to Evans.
Whoever wrote this article deserves a hearty pat on the back for doing such an excellent job in putting it together. I hope that you find my comments to be constructive and useful,and wish this article well in attaining FA status, which I believe that it ultimately deserved to do. If anyone wants to return the favour, they could have a peruse of an short article I currently have awaiting peer review, Islam: The Untold Story. All the best.
Midnightblueowl (
talk)
13:38, 8 October 2012 (UTC)reply
"The next year, Evans faced accusations of accepting no-bid government highway contracts ... " If I read what is said ahead in the article, the accusation was that he influenced the Highway Board into accepting his company's bid without competition. I do not read the lede here to completely state what is the article.
"discord would ensue within the organization" To high-faluting. This is the Klan, it should be said in an earthier way, within encyclopedic limits, of course.
"Although Evans lived in parts of the Southern U.S. with few Catholics" I would omit this phrase, it's a little bit lecture-like. You're getting on your high horse and telling us he had no rational reason to be anti-Catholic, but there's no need to. The reader will get it without this phrase.
" a key tenet of the country's constitution." I would omit. You seem to be setting up Evans to be laughed at, ha ha, KKK guy cares about the Constitution. Let his wrongheaded views and actions speak for themselves.
That was actually added per the above comments. Would a reader from England understand the importance of separation of church and state in the US? Mark? —
Crisco 1492 (
talk)
03:17, 9 October 2012 (UTC)reply
"worked on a series of changes, advertised as reforms, to the Klan structure and worked" ... too much "worked".
"After Grady dismissed a Klan-backed bill" Are you saying he struck down a law (not a bill, probably?) in his judicial capacity? This needs to be made clearer.
"Stephenson's proclivity for ostentation irritated Evans." Someone else seems to have such a proclivity. Can the propensity for polysyllables be less pronounced?
" where the lawyer's murder had received less publicity." Then Atlanta? How is that relevant to where you establish a national headquarters and wouldn't the publicity follow in short order anyway?
"the earlier, more violent days of the Ku Klux Klan" I imagine the reference is to the Forrest days. However, you've stated in the article that the Second Klan was a new organization, not deriving from the Forrest organization "the group had been established five years previously". I see an inconsistency.
"Apart from fundamental Klan issues, local groups often embraced varying political ideologies; Evans risked alienating members by insisting on specific political stances." Google translate from wonkspeech says that this means that since the main point of agreement among Klan members was doctrine, taking a stance on political matters meant angering some part of his membership. If that's true, I would say so more clearly.
"presidential candidate Oscar Underwood". He was Alabama's favorite son, who over 103 ballots became famous because of Alabama's position on the roll call vote. Does that make you a presidential candidate?
Any connection between Evans and Bryan's desire not to have the Democrats condemn the Klan?
Decline
Other scandals emerged, further damaging ... had seen strong growth ... the state saw corruption scandals ... Evans' request was poorly received ... encountered difficulties." More activity (and variety) on on the part of your verbs would be good.
"alleging misdeeds including participation in kidnappings and lynchings" A comma perhaps?
" This rhetoric did not significantly increase the Klan's power or popularity." This reads like sarcasm. I would rephrase. It's a bit unclear what you mean like this, as you have just described a Klan in free fall.
That's all I got. Watch the tendency to complicated words and sentence structures. Also watch the tendency to the passive voice and similar constructions. Aside from that, it's quite good.--
Wehwalt (
talk)
02:49, 9 October 2012 (UTC)reply
This peer review discussion has been closed.
We've listed this article for peer review because we would like some feedback on prose and comprehensive before bringing the article to FAC. This is admittedly an unpopular topic, so we'd like to emphasize the need for neutrality in the article and ask that reviewers pay particular attention to emotive language and the like; some such language may have slipped through our filters.
Why no mention of his class background ? Many historians would surely argue that this was an important factor.
Perhaps briefly summarise his post-Klan life and death at the end of the second paragraph ?
What little we've been able to dig up seems to be in the lede. That he commented on the Klan as late as 1949 doesn't seem important enough for the lede. Mark? —
Crisco 1492 (
talk)
14:43, 8 October 2012 (UTC)reply
Again, no mention of his class or socio-economic background. Considering that his father was a judge then I'd suggest that he was presumably middle-class?
"In addition, he was a freemason, eventually becoming a thirty-second-degree mason, and attended a Disciples of Christ church.[7]" Should we capitalize "freemason" ? I think that this sentence could be better phrased, perhaps to "A practitioner of the Protestant form of Christianity, he attended a church belonging to the Disciples of Christ denomination. In addition, he was a practising Freemason, eventually rising to the thirty-second degree within the brotherhood."
Perhaps we could include a sentence or two detailing what the Klan is, a little about its history, etc ? State what its purpose was, and which minorities – i.e. blacks, homosexuals, Catholics, Jews etc – it despised.
"When he was elected, the chapter had recently received a "self-ruling charter" from the Atlanta-based Klan leadership and was the group's largest chapter" – the word "chapter" is used twice in one sentence; could we use a synonym for the second usage ?
"In 1921, Evans was appointed the "great titan" (executive) of the "Realm of Texas" and led a successful membership drive" – again, this sentence could be rephrased with a little more eloquence; how about "In 1921, Evans was appointed to the position of "great titan" (executive) of the "Realm of Texas" and proceeded to lead a successful membership drive for the state's Klan."
"brutal acts of violence" – "brutal" is a bit of a POV word, and I think it should be removed in this instance. Not everyone might agree that such acts of violence were "brutal".
"To Evans, whiteness and Protestantism were equally valued, and sometimes conflated:[27] he said the Klan supported the "uncontaminated growth of Anglo-Saxon civilization",[26] maintaining that white Protestants had the exclusive right to govern the U.S. because of their descent from early colonists,[28] whom he described as fleeing Europe for the United States to escape its societal bounds" – this sentence is a bit long; I suggest dividing it up into two.
"thus blurring the separation of church and state" – perhaps expand with ", a core tenet of the U.S. constitution", as non-American readers might be a little perplexed as to why Evans would care about this church-state separation considering his Protestant beliefs.
"and denounced acts of terrorism committed" – "terrorism" is almost always a POV word (one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter); I'd suggest replacing it with "violence".
"involve the Klan in politics" – by its very nature, the Klan has always been political, in that it espoused an ideology; perhaps here we should refer to "electoral politics" ?
"under his leadership the Klan's northern supporters had begun to rival those in the south" – in what way did they rival them? Numerically? Also, should "south" be capitalised ?
"Evans avoided publicly clashing with him, fearing that it would hurt the candidacies of Klan-backed politicians:[59] Stephenson was closely involved in the gubernatorial candidacy of Indiana Klan-member Edward L. Jackson,[62] and the Klan saw significant electoral success in that state in 1924; after these victories, Stephenson showed further disdain for Evan" – a ":" followed by a ";" all in one sentence. Needs dividing up into two sentences.
"create a women's Klan organization, but Evans established a women's group and sued him" – perhaps a smoother alternative would read "a parallel white supremacist organization for women, but Evans proceeded to establish a women's group and sued him"
"Klan publications credited their launch of a printing plant and cuts in the cost of robe production with dramatically lowering expenses" I don't understand what this sentence is trying to say, could you rewrite it?
"Although previous Imperial Wizards had lived in lavish properties, Evans initially settled in an apartment after his promotion" – why the "Although"; this sentence doesn't seem to fit together well either.
"Rory McVeigh of the University of Notre Dame argues that this growth was owing to the Klan's exploitation of a "favorable political context",[72] particularly one in which privileged Americans were fearful after increases in suffrage" – Who is McVeigh; a historian ? This "growth" in what, membership ? Suffrage for whom; women ?
Well, presumably he was referring to the women's suffrage, looking back at the source, though, that was kind of a digression from his main point.
Mark Arsten (
talk)
20:21, 8 October 2012 (UTC)reply
The word "Klan" is used repeatedly in the final paragraph here; try introducing some synonyms.
This is in response to both questions: I've looked through Questia, Google News Archive, Google Books, and Highbeam and have been unable to find much. He would have been 60 or so at the time, so its likely he just tried to live peacefully. Old age strikes me as a likely reason for his death. —
Crisco 1492 (
talk)
14:10, 8 October 2012 (UTC)reply
Reception:
This section could definately do with expansion, if the sources permit this. Perhaps refer to those historical studies of the Klan that refer to Evans.
Whoever wrote this article deserves a hearty pat on the back for doing such an excellent job in putting it together. I hope that you find my comments to be constructive and useful,and wish this article well in attaining FA status, which I believe that it ultimately deserved to do. If anyone wants to return the favour, they could have a peruse of an short article I currently have awaiting peer review, Islam: The Untold Story. All the best.
Midnightblueowl (
talk)
13:38, 8 October 2012 (UTC)reply
"The next year, Evans faced accusations of accepting no-bid government highway contracts ... " If I read what is said ahead in the article, the accusation was that he influenced the Highway Board into accepting his company's bid without competition. I do not read the lede here to completely state what is the article.
"discord would ensue within the organization" To high-faluting. This is the Klan, it should be said in an earthier way, within encyclopedic limits, of course.
"Although Evans lived in parts of the Southern U.S. with few Catholics" I would omit this phrase, it's a little bit lecture-like. You're getting on your high horse and telling us he had no rational reason to be anti-Catholic, but there's no need to. The reader will get it without this phrase.
" a key tenet of the country's constitution." I would omit. You seem to be setting up Evans to be laughed at, ha ha, KKK guy cares about the Constitution. Let his wrongheaded views and actions speak for themselves.
That was actually added per the above comments. Would a reader from England understand the importance of separation of church and state in the US? Mark? —
Crisco 1492 (
talk)
03:17, 9 October 2012 (UTC)reply
"worked on a series of changes, advertised as reforms, to the Klan structure and worked" ... too much "worked".
"After Grady dismissed a Klan-backed bill" Are you saying he struck down a law (not a bill, probably?) in his judicial capacity? This needs to be made clearer.
"Stephenson's proclivity for ostentation irritated Evans." Someone else seems to have such a proclivity. Can the propensity for polysyllables be less pronounced?
" where the lawyer's murder had received less publicity." Then Atlanta? How is that relevant to where you establish a national headquarters and wouldn't the publicity follow in short order anyway?
"the earlier, more violent days of the Ku Klux Klan" I imagine the reference is to the Forrest days. However, you've stated in the article that the Second Klan was a new organization, not deriving from the Forrest organization "the group had been established five years previously". I see an inconsistency.
"Apart from fundamental Klan issues, local groups often embraced varying political ideologies; Evans risked alienating members by insisting on specific political stances." Google translate from wonkspeech says that this means that since the main point of agreement among Klan members was doctrine, taking a stance on political matters meant angering some part of his membership. If that's true, I would say so more clearly.
"presidential candidate Oscar Underwood". He was Alabama's favorite son, who over 103 ballots became famous because of Alabama's position on the roll call vote. Does that make you a presidential candidate?
Any connection between Evans and Bryan's desire not to have the Democrats condemn the Klan?
Decline
Other scandals emerged, further damaging ... had seen strong growth ... the state saw corruption scandals ... Evans' request was poorly received ... encountered difficulties." More activity (and variety) on on the part of your verbs would be good.
"alleging misdeeds including participation in kidnappings and lynchings" A comma perhaps?
" This rhetoric did not significantly increase the Klan's power or popularity." This reads like sarcasm. I would rephrase. It's a bit unclear what you mean like this, as you have just described a Klan in free fall.
That's all I got. Watch the tendency to complicated words and sentence structures. Also watch the tendency to the passive voice and similar constructions. Aside from that, it's quite good.--
Wehwalt (
talk)
02:49, 9 October 2012 (UTC)reply