This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review in order to get more feedback before nominating for FA in the future.
I'm guessing it must be common for players to get drafted by the MLB, but then never really follow up on it? Still, is there any reason why he chose to focus on football rather than baseball?
"in the regular season finale" – "finale" seems an odd wording choice to me. Why not "final" or "last" (obviously the sentence would have to be slightly tweaked if either of these are used)?
"Mitchell and many other NFL players attended executive education programs at the Harvard Business School in April 2005." – does this need to be in the article at all? Seem irrelevant to me...
References like UCLA Athletics, ESPN.com, SportsLine.com, nfldraftscout.com, nfl.com, ktvu.com, Yahoo! Sports, scout.com, canoe.ca, Associated Press and nbcphiladelphia.com should not be italics. Also, it should be The New York Times, not New York Times.
The only real issue I had with the article is that it's very repetitive in the career sections (college and professional). Every sentence seemed to be "On date X/week Y Mitchell played against team Z and recorded these statistics". I can't say I am terribly familiar with FAC, but I do know that the prose is required to be engaging and brilliant, and I'm afraid this article is not currently at that standard. Perhaps a look at some of the articles in
Wikipedia:Featured articles#Sport and recreation biographies will give some pointers on how to vary the prose up a bit. All the best,
Jenks24 (
talk)
20:45, 24 October 2011 (UTC)reply
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review in order to get more feedback before nominating for FA in the future.
I'm guessing it must be common for players to get drafted by the MLB, but then never really follow up on it? Still, is there any reason why he chose to focus on football rather than baseball?
"in the regular season finale" – "finale" seems an odd wording choice to me. Why not "final" or "last" (obviously the sentence would have to be slightly tweaked if either of these are used)?
"Mitchell and many other NFL players attended executive education programs at the Harvard Business School in April 2005." – does this need to be in the article at all? Seem irrelevant to me...
References like UCLA Athletics, ESPN.com, SportsLine.com, nfldraftscout.com, nfl.com, ktvu.com, Yahoo! Sports, scout.com, canoe.ca, Associated Press and nbcphiladelphia.com should not be italics. Also, it should be The New York Times, not New York Times.
The only real issue I had with the article is that it's very repetitive in the career sections (college and professional). Every sentence seemed to be "On date X/week Y Mitchell played against team Z and recorded these statistics". I can't say I am terribly familiar with FAC, but I do know that the prose is required to be engaging and brilliant, and I'm afraid this article is not currently at that standard. Perhaps a look at some of the articles in
Wikipedia:Featured articles#Sport and recreation biographies will give some pointers on how to vary the prose up a bit. All the best,
Jenks24 (
talk)
20:45, 24 October 2011 (UTC)reply