Comment The 'Legacy' section is very listy and needs to be converted into prose which ties all the info together smoothly and cohesively throughout.
LuciferMorgan21:43, 16 February 2007 (UTC)reply
"The couple appeared on Edward R. Murrow's television interview show Person to Person, in which the Duchess repeatedly and loudly cut into the Duke's comments to correct his observations, and generally appeared to be the domineering personality her detractors had represented her to be."
This can be deemed one's own opinion, unless, this is the opinion of a critic or biographer. When people appear on TV, everyone has their own opinion - so it would be best to cite it, and say who feels that way. Be very wary of the word "generally" throughout the article. Here's an example;
1. He is generally said to have been a nice individual. (Wrong way)
2. Mr. X, Mr. Y. and Mrs. Z said he was a nice invididual. (Correct way)
Ok that all sounds fine. I'll see what else I can comment in this peer review and your other requested peer reviews. It's a shame that some take ages for comments, or don't garner any.
LuciferMorgan11:55, 17 February 2007 (UTC)reply
"Powerful figures in the British government deemed this marriage unacceptable, largely because Edward had become the Supreme Governor of the Church of England which prohibited remarriage after divorce."
"Other sources support the Duchess's contention that he favoured German fascism as a bulwark against communism, and even that he initially favoured an alliance with Germany."
On the other hand, the King, though a harsh disciplinarian, was demonstrably affectionate and Queen Mary displayed a frolicksome side when dealing with her children that belies her austere public image, having been greatly amused by the children making tadpoles on toast for their French master[2], and encouraged them to confide matters in her which it would have provoked the King to know.[3] - run-on sentence
If you decide to go for FA at any point, the article will probably need more citations.
I agree with the previous reviewer that there are too many lists (although I consider lists internal to the prose as lists as well). For example, do we really need to know all of his godparents or all of the titles he gained when his father ascended the throne?
When the First World War (1914–18) broke out Edward had reached the minimum age for active service and expressed keenness to participate. - awkward use of "keenness"
Throughout the 1920s the Prince of Wales represented his father, King George V, at home and abroad on many occasions. He took a particular interest in visiting the poverty stricken areas of the country. - did he do anything for the poor or did he just visit?
He made unedifying and often deeply racist comments about the Empire's subjects and various foreign peoples, both during his career as Prince of Wales and later as Duke of Windsor, particularly in Africa and India but also in Canada, the West Indies, Mexico and Australia (see wikiquotes). - might you give an example here?
Ah, I see. Well, I found the link to wikiquotes off-putting. Also, having a single quote to prove your claim isn't overloading the page or assassinating the man's character, in my opinion. I write about eighteenth-century figures; they often don't have opinions we wished they would have. That is just too bad. Besides, it wouldn't be interesting to read history if everyone agreed with us!
Awadewit10:40, 23 February 2007 (UTC)reply
Yes, you've persuaded me. Coming out of the article to look at wikiquotes and then in again is distracting. I shall find representative quotes and insert.
DrKiernan11:25, 23 February 2007 (UTC)reply
By the way, I apologize. I'm afraid this comment sounded condescending. I only just now looked at your user page. I should have before I started reviewing your pages. I don't think that I needed to go into my little spiel about the value of history. Sorry about that. I hate when other editors do that sort of thing to me.
Awadewit11:41, 23 February 2007 (UTC)reply
That's quite alright. I didn't take it that way at all. You also have to remember that other people have contributed to the article, and it's impossible to know whether they are Professors at Harvard or 6-year children!
DrKiernan12:15, 23 February 2007 (UTC)reply
At the height of his popularity, he became the most photographed celebrity of his time and his dress sense emulated by those in fashion. - "dress sense" is odd diction
An enduring, albeit trivial, legacy is the fashion item of the Windsor knot, named for him after his fondness for large-knotted ties, though he did not necessarily wear the knot. - wordy sentence; also might you try to find a picture of the Windsor knot?
They hosted parties and shuttled between Paris and New York; many of those who met the Windsors socially reported on the vacuity of the Duke's conversation (see wikiquotes). - could you use examples instead?
I've added a quote and two references. I should point out though that I've not read either Godfrey or Vidal, so I'm relying on wikiquotes being accurate.
DrKiernan17:48, 23 February 2007 (UTC)reply
The "Titles, etc." and "Legacy" sections seem unnecessary to me. If you decide to keep the "Legacy" section, consider deleting some of the superfluous material, such as the Bugs Bunny example.
First of all, congratulations for your first FA.Thanks! It still needs some work though - the new paragraph structure has displaced sentences from their citations.
DrKiernan10:38, 26 February 2007 (UTC)I am even more happy, because it is a Greek-related article! Now, my remarks for this article:reply
From the lead: "When King, Edward ... " What is this , doing there?
An advice: try not to interrupt sentences with inline citations; do it only if it is necessary for emphasis reasons. Prefer to place citations at the end of the sentences.
"He made unedifying and often deeply racist comments ... " I am not sure about the adjectives ("unedifying") here. We tend to avoid them. A mere "racist" or maybe "deeply racist" would be fine IMO.
"Edward's unorthodox approach to his role extended also to the currency which bore his image. He broke with tradition whereby on coinage each successive monarch faced in the opposite direction to his or her prececessor. Edward insisted his left side was superior to that of his right, and that he face left (as his father had done). Only a handful of coins were actually struck prior to the abdication, and when George VI succeeded he also faced left, in order to maintain the tradition by suggesting that had any coins been minted featuring Edward's portrait, they would have shown him facing right." Uncited paragraph. And I am also not sure about "unorthodox approach".
Comment The 'Legacy' section is very listy and needs to be converted into prose which ties all the info together smoothly and cohesively throughout.
LuciferMorgan21:43, 16 February 2007 (UTC)reply
"The couple appeared on Edward R. Murrow's television interview show Person to Person, in which the Duchess repeatedly and loudly cut into the Duke's comments to correct his observations, and generally appeared to be the domineering personality her detractors had represented her to be."
This can be deemed one's own opinion, unless, this is the opinion of a critic or biographer. When people appear on TV, everyone has their own opinion - so it would be best to cite it, and say who feels that way. Be very wary of the word "generally" throughout the article. Here's an example;
1. He is generally said to have been a nice individual. (Wrong way)
2. Mr. X, Mr. Y. and Mrs. Z said he was a nice invididual. (Correct way)
Ok that all sounds fine. I'll see what else I can comment in this peer review and your other requested peer reviews. It's a shame that some take ages for comments, or don't garner any.
LuciferMorgan11:55, 17 February 2007 (UTC)reply
"Powerful figures in the British government deemed this marriage unacceptable, largely because Edward had become the Supreme Governor of the Church of England which prohibited remarriage after divorce."
"Other sources support the Duchess's contention that he favoured German fascism as a bulwark against communism, and even that he initially favoured an alliance with Germany."
On the other hand, the King, though a harsh disciplinarian, was demonstrably affectionate and Queen Mary displayed a frolicksome side when dealing with her children that belies her austere public image, having been greatly amused by the children making tadpoles on toast for their French master[2], and encouraged them to confide matters in her which it would have provoked the King to know.[3] - run-on sentence
If you decide to go for FA at any point, the article will probably need more citations.
I agree with the previous reviewer that there are too many lists (although I consider lists internal to the prose as lists as well). For example, do we really need to know all of his godparents or all of the titles he gained when his father ascended the throne?
When the First World War (1914–18) broke out Edward had reached the minimum age for active service and expressed keenness to participate. - awkward use of "keenness"
Throughout the 1920s the Prince of Wales represented his father, King George V, at home and abroad on many occasions. He took a particular interest in visiting the poverty stricken areas of the country. - did he do anything for the poor or did he just visit?
He made unedifying and often deeply racist comments about the Empire's subjects and various foreign peoples, both during his career as Prince of Wales and later as Duke of Windsor, particularly in Africa and India but also in Canada, the West Indies, Mexico and Australia (see wikiquotes). - might you give an example here?
Ah, I see. Well, I found the link to wikiquotes off-putting. Also, having a single quote to prove your claim isn't overloading the page or assassinating the man's character, in my opinion. I write about eighteenth-century figures; they often don't have opinions we wished they would have. That is just too bad. Besides, it wouldn't be interesting to read history if everyone agreed with us!
Awadewit10:40, 23 February 2007 (UTC)reply
Yes, you've persuaded me. Coming out of the article to look at wikiquotes and then in again is distracting. I shall find representative quotes and insert.
DrKiernan11:25, 23 February 2007 (UTC)reply
By the way, I apologize. I'm afraid this comment sounded condescending. I only just now looked at your user page. I should have before I started reviewing your pages. I don't think that I needed to go into my little spiel about the value of history. Sorry about that. I hate when other editors do that sort of thing to me.
Awadewit11:41, 23 February 2007 (UTC)reply
That's quite alright. I didn't take it that way at all. You also have to remember that other people have contributed to the article, and it's impossible to know whether they are Professors at Harvard or 6-year children!
DrKiernan12:15, 23 February 2007 (UTC)reply
At the height of his popularity, he became the most photographed celebrity of his time and his dress sense emulated by those in fashion. - "dress sense" is odd diction
An enduring, albeit trivial, legacy is the fashion item of the Windsor knot, named for him after his fondness for large-knotted ties, though he did not necessarily wear the knot. - wordy sentence; also might you try to find a picture of the Windsor knot?
They hosted parties and shuttled between Paris and New York; many of those who met the Windsors socially reported on the vacuity of the Duke's conversation (see wikiquotes). - could you use examples instead?
I've added a quote and two references. I should point out though that I've not read either Godfrey or Vidal, so I'm relying on wikiquotes being accurate.
DrKiernan17:48, 23 February 2007 (UTC)reply
The "Titles, etc." and "Legacy" sections seem unnecessary to me. If you decide to keep the "Legacy" section, consider deleting some of the superfluous material, such as the Bugs Bunny example.
First of all, congratulations for your first FA.Thanks! It still needs some work though - the new paragraph structure has displaced sentences from their citations.
DrKiernan10:38, 26 February 2007 (UTC)I am even more happy, because it is a Greek-related article! Now, my remarks for this article:reply
From the lead: "When King, Edward ... " What is this , doing there?
An advice: try not to interrupt sentences with inline citations; do it only if it is necessary for emphasis reasons. Prefer to place citations at the end of the sentences.
"He made unedifying and often deeply racist comments ... " I am not sure about the adjectives ("unedifying") here. We tend to avoid them. A mere "racist" or maybe "deeply racist" would be fine IMO.
"Edward's unorthodox approach to his role extended also to the currency which bore his image. He broke with tradition whereby on coinage each successive monarch faced in the opposite direction to his or her prececessor. Edward insisted his left side was superior to that of his right, and that he face left (as his father had done). Only a handful of coins were actually struck prior to the abdication, and when George VI succeeded he also faced left, in order to maintain the tradition by suggesting that had any coins been minted featuring Edward's portrait, they would have shown him facing right." Uncited paragraph. And I am also not sure about "unorthodox approach".