written and directed by Jeethu Joseph and starring Mohanlal and Meena in the lead roles. It also features Ansiba Hassan, Esther Anil, Kalabhavan Shajon, Asha Sarath, Siddique, Roshan Basheer and Neeraj Madhav in other pivotal roles. → Keep who wrote and directed separate to who starred in it.
Done by Charles Turing
under the banner → Not sure what you mean by this.
Inspector-general → Not Inspector General or Inspector-General?
I think anyone of them might work.
(IG) → As this is bracketed, can it be Wikilinked?
Done by Charles Turing
harassing → What kind of harassment?
Changed to 'physically harassing'
first week of October 2013 → Do you have the actually date?
Couldn't find it.
The film was shot at Thodupuzha in Kerala. Sujith Vaassudev handled the film's cinematography and it was edited by Ayoob Khan. → Reads a bit like a list of hard facts, no flow.
Changed to 'The film's
principal photography commenced in the first week of October 2013 at
Thodupuzha in
Kerala and was completed in 44 days. The cinematography was done by Sujith Vaassudev, and was edited by Ayoob Khan.' Would that be okay?
I think the lead could be just three paragraphs which are more condensed rather than four scraggly ones.
Done
The film was remade in four Indian languages. → Remade by by other filmmakers or just this film in 4 languages?
Changed to 'The film was remade in Telugu, Tamil, Kannada and Hindi.'
The Filming sub-section just seems so small and short to warrant it's own sub-section.
Couldn't find much info.
Shouldn't release go before themes? To me, it seems more logical to have production - release - themes rather than production - themes - release
The first two paragraphs of Themes are pretty much just long quotes. Some need paraphrasing.
Well, those are the director's comments. Any suggestions?
'sexist dialogues' → Such as ?
Changed to 'The film was criticized for the use of some sexist dialogues in the first half which were playing to a certain new generation audience.'
There were also allegations that Drishyam might provoke crime. → Can you re-word/expand on this? Provoke crime in what way and/or where?
Changed to 'There were also allegations that Drishyam might provoke murder.' Would that be okay?
The Release section doesn't need two such short sub-sections. All three parts could easily be just one para.
Those are three very different sections. How to merge into one?
in US, UK → It would be 'the U.S.', but actually list the countries actual name, not the abbrev.
Done by Charles Turing
In the Box office section, try to avoid one sentence paragraphs/sections. Just tack it onto the end of the previous paragraph.
Which 'one sentence paragraphs/sections'?
The awards column of Accolades needs to be marked up for
WP:ACCESS. Basically means it needs to be shaded grey. Look on
Man Down (song) at its tables to see what I mean.
Done, I hope.
Foreign language references need to have a language= parameter. So, language=Hindi for example.
Same, or maybe "The film's Principal photography ..."
Done
There are at least 10 instances of "the film" in the lead. Drop as many as you can to avoid repetition.
Removed a few.
became the highest-grossing Malayalam film.
Of the year or ever?
Ever. Done
The film was remade in four other Indian languages.
Such as?
Changed to 'The film was remade in Telugu, Tamil, Kannada and Hindi.'
a Plus Two student
What's a Plus Two student?
Removed.
Themes
The first paragraph of this section is mostly quoted material. Be sure you aren't quoting things that could or should be paraphrased.
I don't think I 'can' paraphrase it even if it 'should' be done. Any help?
When asked in an interview
Drop "in an interview", as unnecessary.
Done
The film uses some 'sexist dialogues' in the first half which were playing to a certain 'new generation' audience.
These single quote marks ought to be double.
Done
Development
the idea got a boost.
Needs rewording
Changed to 'He was inspired by a conversation he had overheard about the plight of two families involved in a legal battle.'
Casting
Mammootty was instrumental in roping in actress Meena for the film
Roping in is not encyclopedic. Reword.
Changed to 'casting'
The director says
Uses of says ought to be swapped out for "stated".
Done
Filming
The shooting had to be halted for a while as Meena fainted in the sets
This would benefit from some explanation.
Please explain, like what?
Release
Lots of repetition of "the film" here.
Removed a few.
The case was dismissed in March 2015
Why? This could be expanded upon.
Done
Reception
Sify.com's reviewer gave the verdict "Excellent" and stated
"Rated" or "described" would be better here than "gave"
Done
Was Gautaman Bhaskaran's the only negative review? If not, add some more for better balance of positive and negative.
All I could find.
Box office
According to Sify, the film "started on a low key". It also reported that the film "swept the box-office" from its second day of release.[46]
This seems contradictory. The prose needs some care here to connect these two more logically.
Changed to 'According to
Sify, the film "started on a low key" but "swept the box-office" from its second day of release.'
Accolades
If your goal for this piece is FA, I suggest working the accolades chart in to prose.
I'll try, but first I'd like to get it a GA.
Conclusion
This is a decent start for a good article, but parts seem unfinished or incomplete. Work on topic sentences and transitions between thoughts. The bones are here for a good article, it just needs some more detail in places and tighter prose. Nice job overall; keep up the great work!
RO(talk)20:13, 29 October 2015 (UTC)reply
@
Rationalobserver and
Calvin999: Hey! Thanks for your suggestions. I hope most of the mistakes has been corrected. Please let me know if there is anything left to be done. Thanks a lot!
written and directed by Jeethu Joseph and starring Mohanlal and Meena in the lead roles. It also features Ansiba Hassan, Esther Anil, Kalabhavan Shajon, Asha Sarath, Siddique, Roshan Basheer and Neeraj Madhav in other pivotal roles. → Keep who wrote and directed separate to who starred in it.
Done by Charles Turing
under the banner → Not sure what you mean by this.
Inspector-general → Not Inspector General or Inspector-General?
I think anyone of them might work.
(IG) → As this is bracketed, can it be Wikilinked?
Done by Charles Turing
harassing → What kind of harassment?
Changed to 'physically harassing'
first week of October 2013 → Do you have the actually date?
Couldn't find it.
The film was shot at Thodupuzha in Kerala. Sujith Vaassudev handled the film's cinematography and it was edited by Ayoob Khan. → Reads a bit like a list of hard facts, no flow.
Changed to 'The film's
principal photography commenced in the first week of October 2013 at
Thodupuzha in
Kerala and was completed in 44 days. The cinematography was done by Sujith Vaassudev, and was edited by Ayoob Khan.' Would that be okay?
I think the lead could be just three paragraphs which are more condensed rather than four scraggly ones.
Done
The film was remade in four Indian languages. → Remade by by other filmmakers or just this film in 4 languages?
Changed to 'The film was remade in Telugu, Tamil, Kannada and Hindi.'
The Filming sub-section just seems so small and short to warrant it's own sub-section.
Couldn't find much info.
Shouldn't release go before themes? To me, it seems more logical to have production - release - themes rather than production - themes - release
The first two paragraphs of Themes are pretty much just long quotes. Some need paraphrasing.
Well, those are the director's comments. Any suggestions?
'sexist dialogues' → Such as ?
Changed to 'The film was criticized for the use of some sexist dialogues in the first half which were playing to a certain new generation audience.'
There were also allegations that Drishyam might provoke crime. → Can you re-word/expand on this? Provoke crime in what way and/or where?
Changed to 'There were also allegations that Drishyam might provoke murder.' Would that be okay?
The Release section doesn't need two such short sub-sections. All three parts could easily be just one para.
Those are three very different sections. How to merge into one?
in US, UK → It would be 'the U.S.', but actually list the countries actual name, not the abbrev.
Done by Charles Turing
In the Box office section, try to avoid one sentence paragraphs/sections. Just tack it onto the end of the previous paragraph.
Which 'one sentence paragraphs/sections'?
The awards column of Accolades needs to be marked up for
WP:ACCESS. Basically means it needs to be shaded grey. Look on
Man Down (song) at its tables to see what I mean.
Done, I hope.
Foreign language references need to have a language= parameter. So, language=Hindi for example.
Same, or maybe "The film's Principal photography ..."
Done
There are at least 10 instances of "the film" in the lead. Drop as many as you can to avoid repetition.
Removed a few.
became the highest-grossing Malayalam film.
Of the year or ever?
Ever. Done
The film was remade in four other Indian languages.
Such as?
Changed to 'The film was remade in Telugu, Tamil, Kannada and Hindi.'
a Plus Two student
What's a Plus Two student?
Removed.
Themes
The first paragraph of this section is mostly quoted material. Be sure you aren't quoting things that could or should be paraphrased.
I don't think I 'can' paraphrase it even if it 'should' be done. Any help?
When asked in an interview
Drop "in an interview", as unnecessary.
Done
The film uses some 'sexist dialogues' in the first half which were playing to a certain 'new generation' audience.
These single quote marks ought to be double.
Done
Development
the idea got a boost.
Needs rewording
Changed to 'He was inspired by a conversation he had overheard about the plight of two families involved in a legal battle.'
Casting
Mammootty was instrumental in roping in actress Meena for the film
Roping in is not encyclopedic. Reword.
Changed to 'casting'
The director says
Uses of says ought to be swapped out for "stated".
Done
Filming
The shooting had to be halted for a while as Meena fainted in the sets
This would benefit from some explanation.
Please explain, like what?
Release
Lots of repetition of "the film" here.
Removed a few.
The case was dismissed in March 2015
Why? This could be expanded upon.
Done
Reception
Sify.com's reviewer gave the verdict "Excellent" and stated
"Rated" or "described" would be better here than "gave"
Done
Was Gautaman Bhaskaran's the only negative review? If not, add some more for better balance of positive and negative.
All I could find.
Box office
According to Sify, the film "started on a low key". It also reported that the film "swept the box-office" from its second day of release.[46]
This seems contradictory. The prose needs some care here to connect these two more logically.
Changed to 'According to
Sify, the film "started on a low key" but "swept the box-office" from its second day of release.'
Accolades
If your goal for this piece is FA, I suggest working the accolades chart in to prose.
I'll try, but first I'd like to get it a GA.
Conclusion
This is a decent start for a good article, but parts seem unfinished or incomplete. Work on topic sentences and transitions between thoughts. The bones are here for a good article, it just needs some more detail in places and tighter prose. Nice job overall; keep up the great work!
RO(talk)20:13, 29 October 2015 (UTC)reply
@
Rationalobserver and
Calvin999: Hey! Thanks for your suggestions. I hope most of the mistakes has been corrected. Please let me know if there is anything left to be done. Thanks a lot!