Dead Head Fred
- A script has been used to generate a semi- automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for March 2009.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
The entire article has been rebuilt from the ground up. I'd appreciate any comments on it. Thanks! —
Levi van Tine (
t –
c) 13:48, 3 March 2009 (UTC)
Comments from Casliber
Looking pretty good so far actually. I will post queries below. Casliber ( talk · contribs) 18:48, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
- Fred learns that Mr. Rossini had been reported missing by Jeanne, who hired Fred to find him. - this reads a little confusing as it isn't clear who hired Fred from the way the sentence is structured.
- Reworded.
- Making an article for Massive Black Studios would be a good idea. Turning redlinks blue if you can is aesthetically prudent.
- I'm not opposed to it, and I feel that the company is notable enough to warrant its own article. I may get around to it eventually, but hopefully some ambitious good Samaritan stumbles across it.
- was set in stone.. --> maybe just "non-negotiable" maybe the first is a bit casual, but if you feel strongly about it then keep it. Not a big deal really.
- Reworded, hopefully less casual now.
- The development team didn't have any tangible ideas.. - not sure I like tangible here as the adjective doesn't add anything. Maybe a better word is "preconceptions" or something similar (?)
- Reworded.
- The original script had only one instance of the "f-word," but after several sessions with McGinley resulted in a great deal of more colorful ad-libs that the design team liked, the script was tweaked to allow McGinley and other actors to curse more. - this sentence was a little hard to follow, you may want to break it up a bit.
- I broke it up into two sentences and reworded it; hopefully it's clearer now.
- At E3 2007, D3Publisher was able to again show Dead Head Fred because of its delay - unable?
- Games at E3 are generally only shown before release, therefore a delayed game can potentially be shown more than once.
Overall looks good, if I were you I would run it through WP:GAN which it should pass fairly readily and isn't too far off FAC really. Casliber ( talk · contribs) 19:08, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
- Thanks for the comments! I'll nominate it for GA today. — Levi van Tine ( t – c) 14:57, 10 March 2009 (UTC)
Dead Head Fred
- A script has been used to generate a semi- automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for March 2009.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
The entire article has been rebuilt from the ground up. I'd appreciate any comments on it. Thanks! —
Levi van Tine (
t –
c) 13:48, 3 March 2009 (UTC)
Comments from Casliber
Looking pretty good so far actually. I will post queries below. Casliber ( talk · contribs) 18:48, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
- Fred learns that Mr. Rossini had been reported missing by Jeanne, who hired Fred to find him. - this reads a little confusing as it isn't clear who hired Fred from the way the sentence is structured.
- Reworded.
- Making an article for Massive Black Studios would be a good idea. Turning redlinks blue if you can is aesthetically prudent.
- I'm not opposed to it, and I feel that the company is notable enough to warrant its own article. I may get around to it eventually, but hopefully some ambitious good Samaritan stumbles across it.
- was set in stone.. --> maybe just "non-negotiable" maybe the first is a bit casual, but if you feel strongly about it then keep it. Not a big deal really.
- Reworded, hopefully less casual now.
- The development team didn't have any tangible ideas.. - not sure I like tangible here as the adjective doesn't add anything. Maybe a better word is "preconceptions" or something similar (?)
- Reworded.
- The original script had only one instance of the "f-word," but after several sessions with McGinley resulted in a great deal of more colorful ad-libs that the design team liked, the script was tweaked to allow McGinley and other actors to curse more. - this sentence was a little hard to follow, you may want to break it up a bit.
- I broke it up into two sentences and reworded it; hopefully it's clearer now.
- At E3 2007, D3Publisher was able to again show Dead Head Fred because of its delay - unable?
- Games at E3 are generally only shown before release, therefore a delayed game can potentially be shown more than once.
Overall looks good, if I were you I would run it through WP:GAN which it should pass fairly readily and isn't too far off FAC really. Casliber ( talk · contribs) 19:08, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
- Thanks for the comments! I'll nominate it for GA today. — Levi van Tine ( t – c) 14:57, 10 March 2009 (UTC)