This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because there are some disagreements about the right level of "interconnectedness" of the various paragraphs. Most of the article has been written with self-contained paragraphs, where the first sentence of the next paragraph does not directly follow on from last sentence of the previous. The interwar period section, however, has been written in the style where each paragraph is connected to the previous, beginning with words or phrases such as "Nevertheless...", "A similar struggle...", and several uses of "also".
I support (and am responsible for) the former style, but another editor views this as resulting in "choppy" or "bitty" paragraphs. This editor prefers interconnected paragraphs, and is responsible for the interwar section, but I view these "connection phrases" as unnecessary and not adding any information for the reader.
I would be interested to know what outside editors feel about this.
Thanks, The Red Hat of Pat Ferrick t 03:21, 28 November 2008 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: To answer your main question, I found the prose generally to be flowing and pleasing. I'd suggest eventually heading to FAC with this article, and I don't think your prose would be a big issue there after a bit more polishing. The one prose issue I have relates to sentences that exceed my run-on threshold. An example is "In 1902, Japan and Britain signed the Anglo-Japanese Alliance which allowed Britain to leave the policing of the Pacific to Japan but the alliance fell apart in 1922 after the Washington Naval Conference when Britain opted to side with the United States." You might improve this by adding a comma between "Alliance" and "which" and another between "Japan" and "but". Better, I think, would be to break the big sentence apart. Maybe this would work: "In 1902, Japan and Britain signed the Anglo-Japanese Alliance, which allowed Britain to leave the policing of the Pacific to Japan. However, the alliance fell apart when Britain opted to side with the United States after the Washington Naval Conference in 1922." I think you could improve the prose by tracking down any other over-complex sentences and dividing them. I have some other mostly minor suggestions for improvement, as follows:
If you find this brief review helpful, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. As you know, that is where I found this one. Finetooth ( talk) 05:07, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because there are some disagreements about the right level of "interconnectedness" of the various paragraphs. Most of the article has been written with self-contained paragraphs, where the first sentence of the next paragraph does not directly follow on from last sentence of the previous. The interwar period section, however, has been written in the style where each paragraph is connected to the previous, beginning with words or phrases such as "Nevertheless...", "A similar struggle...", and several uses of "also".
I support (and am responsible for) the former style, but another editor views this as resulting in "choppy" or "bitty" paragraphs. This editor prefers interconnected paragraphs, and is responsible for the interwar section, but I view these "connection phrases" as unnecessary and not adding any information for the reader.
I would be interested to know what outside editors feel about this.
Thanks, The Red Hat of Pat Ferrick t 03:21, 28 November 2008 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: To answer your main question, I found the prose generally to be flowing and pleasing. I'd suggest eventually heading to FAC with this article, and I don't think your prose would be a big issue there after a bit more polishing. The one prose issue I have relates to sentences that exceed my run-on threshold. An example is "In 1902, Japan and Britain signed the Anglo-Japanese Alliance which allowed Britain to leave the policing of the Pacific to Japan but the alliance fell apart in 1922 after the Washington Naval Conference when Britain opted to side with the United States." You might improve this by adding a comma between "Alliance" and "which" and another between "Japan" and "but". Better, I think, would be to break the big sentence apart. Maybe this would work: "In 1902, Japan and Britain signed the Anglo-Japanese Alliance, which allowed Britain to leave the policing of the Pacific to Japan. However, the alliance fell apart when Britain opted to side with the United States after the Washington Naval Conference in 1922." I think you could improve the prose by tracking down any other over-complex sentences and dividing them. I have some other mostly minor suggestions for improvement, as follows:
If you find this brief review helpful, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. As you know, that is where I found this one. Finetooth ( talk) 05:07, 12 December 2008 (UTC)