A script has been used to generate a semi-
automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and
house style; it can be found on the
automated peer review page for April 2009.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to make any corrections, as I plan to send this article to FAC.
Ok this sentence - Millions within the region were affected in some way. is really vague. I know what you mean but I think it is a bit 'fluffy'
Records of seismic activity in Illinois date back to 1795, when a small event shook a frontier area. - be good to add where this happened - sounds vague as is and leaves me wanting to know more.
Link 'epicenter' somewhere. If not on WP, then to wikt.
How can the earthquake be felt in approximately 23 different states? Either it was 23 or some other number, right? :)
Some copyediting for flow:
McLeansboro in particular experienced extensive damage, though minor. - sounds odd, could probably reword it and leave out the 'though' or maybe just "McLeansboro in particular experienced extensive, though minor, damage" - flows a little better...
Rewritten.
Its local high school reported nineteen broken windows in the girl's gymnasium along with cracked plaster walls. A majority of classrooms also sustained fractured walls. --> "Its local high school reported nineteen broken windows in the girl's gymnasium along with cracked plaster walls, and most classrooms sustained fractured walls."
The First United Methodist Church had a facade that was damaged; --> "The facade of the First United Methodist Church was damaged;"
One home had three chimneys felled - 'felled' makes me think of trees, maybe 'collapsed' or even 'toppled' is better
Other damage occurred, such as fallen chimneys, foundation cracks, and reports of collapsed parapets and overturned tombstones. - I'd rephrase and remove bolded bit, patently obvious it is damage. Maybe just say "There were reports of fallen chimneys, foundation cracks, collapsed parapets and overturned tombstones."
The most severe evidence of this - the evidence is not severe, but the damage is.
Also, is there any information on insurance payouts etc. from the quake?
A script has been used to generate a semi-
automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and
house style; it can be found on the
automated peer review page for April 2009.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to make any corrections, as I plan to send this article to FAC.
Ok this sentence - Millions within the region were affected in some way. is really vague. I know what you mean but I think it is a bit 'fluffy'
Records of seismic activity in Illinois date back to 1795, when a small event shook a frontier area. - be good to add where this happened - sounds vague as is and leaves me wanting to know more.
Link 'epicenter' somewhere. If not on WP, then to wikt.
How can the earthquake be felt in approximately 23 different states? Either it was 23 or some other number, right? :)
Some copyediting for flow:
McLeansboro in particular experienced extensive damage, though minor. - sounds odd, could probably reword it and leave out the 'though' or maybe just "McLeansboro in particular experienced extensive, though minor, damage" - flows a little better...
Rewritten.
Its local high school reported nineteen broken windows in the girl's gymnasium along with cracked plaster walls. A majority of classrooms also sustained fractured walls. --> "Its local high school reported nineteen broken windows in the girl's gymnasium along with cracked plaster walls, and most classrooms sustained fractured walls."
The First United Methodist Church had a facade that was damaged; --> "The facade of the First United Methodist Church was damaged;"
One home had three chimneys felled - 'felled' makes me think of trees, maybe 'collapsed' or even 'toppled' is better
Other damage occurred, such as fallen chimneys, foundation cracks, and reports of collapsed parapets and overturned tombstones. - I'd rephrase and remove bolded bit, patently obvious it is damage. Maybe just say "There were reports of fallen chimneys, foundation cracks, collapsed parapets and overturned tombstones."
The most severe evidence of this - the evidence is not severe, but the damage is.
Also, is there any information on insurance payouts etc. from the quake?