We're trying to get this ready to be featured article on Oct. 23, the anniversary of the revolution. We've made progress but would appreciate any comments and suggestions for how to make it even better. Thanks! K. Lastochka 16:20, 7 October 2006 (UTC)
Very nice start:
I'll look at prose in the morning: haven't yet read the article, but wanted to give you that to start on. Don't get your hopes up for a certain date on FA: it rarely happens, and you're cutting it really close :-)) Sandy 02:19, 8 October 2006 (UTC)
New section headings are much better. Looking now at some of the prose:
The entire paragraph from which I took that snippet (in Repression and Decline) is unreferenced. "Thousands of Hungarians were arrested, tortured, tried, and imprisoned in concentration camps or were executed (ironically among them ÁVH founder László Rajk)." Why is the founder a parenthetical, ironic insert? Should be better worded.
If you all are seriously aiming for featured status by October 23rd, you will need to quickly source every statement in the article, and an independent copyedit by someone who knows the territory, but is a new and fresh set of eyes, is needed. Possibly someone at Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history can help copy edit the article once it is thoroughly cited. I'm not a great copy editor, but am adding comments here because Paul asked me to help, and I can see some prose polishing will be in order after the article is referenced. Sandy 01:18, 9 October 2006 (UTC)
I hope you all understand that my examples above were only examples, suggestive of changes needed throughout the text. Sandy 20:06, 9 October 2006 (UTC)
We're trying to get this ready to be featured article on Oct. 23, the anniversary of the revolution. We've made progress but would appreciate any comments and suggestions for how to make it even better. Thanks! K. Lastochka 16:20, 7 October 2006 (UTC)
Very nice start:
I'll look at prose in the morning: haven't yet read the article, but wanted to give you that to start on. Don't get your hopes up for a certain date on FA: it rarely happens, and you're cutting it really close :-)) Sandy 02:19, 8 October 2006 (UTC)
New section headings are much better. Looking now at some of the prose:
The entire paragraph from which I took that snippet (in Repression and Decline) is unreferenced. "Thousands of Hungarians were arrested, tortured, tried, and imprisoned in concentration camps or were executed (ironically among them ÁVH founder László Rajk)." Why is the founder a parenthetical, ironic insert? Should be better worded.
If you all are seriously aiming for featured status by October 23rd, you will need to quickly source every statement in the article, and an independent copyedit by someone who knows the territory, but is a new and fresh set of eyes, is needed. Possibly someone at Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history can help copy edit the article once it is thoroughly cited. I'm not a great copy editor, but am adding comments here because Paul asked me to help, and I can see some prose polishing will be in order after the article is referenced. Sandy 01:18, 9 October 2006 (UTC)
I hope you all understand that my examples above were only examples, suggestive of changes needed throughout the text. Sandy 20:06, 9 October 2006 (UTC)