The article was promoted by Gog the Mild via FACBot ( talk) 20 December 2020 [1].
Warner Bros. Movie World. Hollywood on the Gold Coast, with a distinctive Aussie lilt. The only place on Earth where you can blast ray guns at 3D Starros in a Cyborg simulation, drop backwards into stark-black from a Scrappy-Doo huff, and catapult out of the Metropolis tunnels on a Superman punch, all in a single day. Over a near-thirty year tenure since its star-studded 1991 opening, Movie World has grown into one of Australia's premier theme parks and most popular tourist attractions. Those old enough will recall the good ol' days when "experiences" that captured the magic of cinema were sought over high-octane scream machines. Five year old me still revels in awe at the studio backlots along the tram tour, and screams in garish delight as I plummet down the Wild West Falls and zip through the veins of Gotham on Batman Adventure. Throughout the 2000s, the park's status as a thrill-seeker's playground burgeoned. Today, its skyline is dominated by arguably Australia's strongest coaster lineup, including the crown jewel, DC Rivals HyperCoaster. The menacing 60 m near-vertical drop in the backwards-facing final row should be on every enthusiast's bucket list, and one I can't wait to experience again (when us south of the border are allowed across it).
Spurred on by a number of visits over recent years, I decided this article deserved an overhaul from the ground up. Save for a couple of cleanup edits in early 2019, I first started work in May this year and I'd like to think I've taken it a lot further than before I started. My work was conducted with almost no FA's to model on, as no modern theme park article has yet reached this standard. I'm relieved to finally be at a point where I can take this no further on my own. A quick note on sources: many news stories were accessed via archives and eLibrary databases hosted on ProQuest. Please Wikimail me if I can assist with spot-checks. Another note on images: there are hundreds available in the commons, so please note I am flexible with adding to or replacing the current selection. It would be an honour to have written Wikipedia's first Featured Article on a large, modern theme park. Thank you in advance and I greatly look forward to a spirited FAC commentary. — CR4ZE ( T • C) 07:43, 25 October 2020 (UTC)
A couple passing comments:
It recorded 1.3 million visitors in 2007 and was the third highest attended theme park in Australia, behind Sea World and Dreamworld.- Why are we citing 13-year-old figures in the lead? I thought at first this might be the peak of its popularity, or the most recent figures available; but this isn't the case since we later learn that in 2013 it "recorded more than 2 million visitors for the first time in its history".
variousappears 12 times in this article. Most, if not all, of these uses are unnecessary and could be removed - e.g.
Various costumed characters regularly roam the park-> "Costumed characters regularly roam the park";
It was variously described as the world's first "movie-based theme park" built outside the United States[26] and the first "American-style" theme park-> "It was described as"...
Warner moreover recognised the value proposition in the theme park than in the studio.- seems like there is a "greater" or similar missing here? or should that be "recognised the value proposition moreso in the theme park than in the studio"?
Between 400 and 500 new jobs were created upon its opening.[25][18]- check that ref numbers are in order
Opening attractions at Movie World focused on education about and involvement with the behind the scenes of filmmaking- I find this sentence very awkward, primarily because of "education about and involvement with" and the use of "behind the scenes" as a noun... perhaps this could be rephrased to something like "focused on educating guests about the behind-the-scenes aspects of filmmaking" etc
In 2003, the Harry Potter attraction closed and was in September by The Official Matrix Exhibit- missing word?
Hollywood Stunt Driver closed and was replaced by its sequel on 20 February 2014, a revamped show that featured Showtime FMX motocross riders who perform more thrilling stunts than before.- tense shift
The Roxy Theatre off Main Street screens Yogi Bear 4-D Experience.- does it only screen this one film? I find the sentence structure in this paragraph a bit repetitive - every sentence except the final one opens with "[Attraction] [verb]s..."
Guests use RFID wristbands to help the villains destroy the area- how does this work exactly? I would think RFID wristbands would be used for tracking purposes
Superman Escape catapults from 0 to 100 km/h (62 mph) in 2 seconds up a top hat- I know it's linked, but you might want to explain in the prose that a top hat is a roller coaster element because it gives a very weird mental image to someone who is not up to speed on rollercoaster terminology!
with sales of about 2.6 million units of stock across its 25 outlets generation $17 million in revenue- generating?
By 2000, about one third of park tickets were sold via the "Super Pass" deal, although a 20% decline in attendance that year was attributed to Y2K hysteria- not sure the the use of "although" is appropriate here. An overall decline in attendance doesn't necessarily contradict the fact that a different method of ticket purchase became more popular
The only notable incident at Movie World occurred on 15 March 2015- do the sources state that it was the only notable incident?
Overall the article seems quite comprehensive and easy to read. Nice job. Spicy ( talk) 20:25, 25 October 2020 (UTC)
reopened on 15 July at 50% guest capacity with various social distancing and sanitisation policies,
DC Comics Super-Villains Unleashed displays various DC supervillain statues amid criminal acts.what purpose does the word "various" serve here? Spicy ( talk) 19:09, 31 October 2020 (UTC)
The content of this website is provided for information purposes only. No claim is made as to the accuracy or currency of the content on this site at any time.This doesn't speak well to the site's reliability. Similarly the page on their editorial policy (which says that they accept user-generated submissions, but fact-check them before publication) says
we make no guarantee that the information in the database is up to date and/or correct.If the site is not even willing to describe itself as a reliable source, I unfortunately don't think we can use it on Wikipedia, let alone in a FA which should use not just reliable sources but high-quality reliable sources. Spicy ( talk) 17:15, 31 October 2020 (UTC)
their sizeable audience and quality of their YouTube contentbut that doesn't really relate to any of the WP:RS criteria - by analogy, the reception sections for, say, video game articles stick to reviews from established outlets with strong editorial control; they don't include what someone like Pewdiepie has to say about it, even though he has a huge audience and makes (according to some) quality videos. Spicy ( talk) 21:47, 27 October 2020 (UTC)
Thanks for your helpful commentary, please keep it coming! — CR4ZE ( T • C) 00:09, 26 October 2020 (UTC)
Hi Spicy, I was wondering if you have formed a view on this one yet, or is there more to come? Cheers. Gog the Mild ( talk) 11:50, 16 November 2020 (UTC)
I haven't read further because it doesn't appear the prose is yet FAC ready, and I am concerned about the reliability of sources. SandyGeorgia ( Talk) 20:57, 25 October 2020 (UTC)
Self-published expert sources may be considered reliable when produced by an established subject-matter expert, whose work in the relevant field has previously been published by reliable, independent publications.We need to see a list of reliable independent publications that have published the work of these SPS. SandyGeorgia ( Talk) 18:20, 27 October 2020 (UTC)
Hi Sandy, me again. I note that you seem to have some qualms about this nomination. It has recently passed a source review and I was wondering if that helps you to move towards a formal position re promotion. Fine if not, this is just a heads up. Thanks. Gog the Mild ( talk) 11:50, 16 November 2020 (UTC)
These are samples only, bouncing around. I don't think the prose is ready yet, and think an independent set of eyes could be helpful. SandyGeorgia ( Talk) 00:20, 19 November 2020 (UTC)
Hi Sandy: several additional editors have reviewed this one since you last looked at it, so I was wondering if you felt able to make a call? Cheers. Gog the Mild ( talk) 11:06, 9 December 2020 (UTC)
Doing now, btw you have a few dup links. Aza24 ( talk) 07:41, 13 November 2020 (UTC)
|accessdate=
parameters: "Access dates are not required for links to [...] news articles with publication dates". That's why they're not being used on almost all refs (in fact, they used to be but I removed them manually). The
archiving on all online refs should cover the functionality of accessdates, as we have an exact date and time to verify the text back to. Hence why even non-news refs don't have the parameters. In essence, all the reasons for using access parameters are redundant if the refs are archived. As for the 18 instances where accessdates are given, this was done because the sites couldn't be archived (ie GCB articles are paywalled) and are used simply as a courtesy. If it's consistency you're needing here, I could remove those parameters altogether, although I don't see the necessity.|url-access=
is being used. It was my understanding from reading the documentation that this would be the correct parameter to use for url links. The Proquest articles don't use url paramaters, so that's why their access notice is given as a text, not icon. Happy to substitute url-access for {{
pay}} if you'd prefer.Hey again Aza24, wanted to ask if you'd be able to take a run at the prose. Any further commentary would be greatly appreciated, especially as this is now in urgents and running out of time. (Good-faith offer of qpq if needed as well—always happy to repay debt for considered review. If more is needed here, I could take a look). Thanks! — CR4ZE ( T • C) 01:37, 23 November 2020 (UTC)
Would highly recommend a visit should you ever holiday on the Gold Coast. If you're not a big "thrill ride" person and/or have kids, Sea World and Dreamworld are fantastic as well.
Thank you for your insightful comments, please continue when you have an opportunity. — CR4ZE ( T • C) 00:33, 25 November 2020 (UTC)
Thanks for returning!
"Last September, we launched VR onto the Arkham Asylum Coaster at Warner Bros. Movie World and it has been really well received."Hopefully this is enough to solve the problem.
Look forward to your continued insight. — CR4ZE ( T • C) 23:40, 28 November 2020 (UTC)
Appreciate the support! I'm cool to just leave links as are. Yes, "ha" is the standard abbreviation for "hectare" but it was just as easy to remove this, as precinct size is already given in park layout. Good thing you noted the financial year thing, it was actually financial 2007 so I clarified the year and moved accordingly (spot-checked the other years, with no issues that I could see). I did check again to see if I could make the 3D film thing clearer, but the sources don't get into the specifics that I need to state that there were no 3D animated films at the Roxy prior to Marvin the Martian. It should be okay as is, but I'll come back tomorrow and see if it could be tweaked. Thanks again for the time given to this review, it is appreciated. Look forward to crossing paths again in the future! — CR4ZE ( T • C) 11:49, 29 November 2020 (UTC)
This nomination is approaching four weeks old and has not yet attracted any supports. I have added it to Urgents, but it needs to attract several substantive reviews over the next week or so if it is not to time out. Gog the Mild ( talk) 12:21, 20 November 2020 (UTC)
Hello, I'm Adog. Participant from WP:APARKS, will be commenting through the coming days. Some things I can point out this time around...
These, of course, are passing. More extensive to come in the latter. Adog ( Talk・ Cont) 16:44, 26 November 2020 (UTC)
|publisher=
fields on not only RCDB refs, but also the first-party sources. Left note j as is for now, as I do think jumping forward in time would disrupt the flow of the main prose and that the November staff count is superfluous to the text anyway. Do let me know if you disagree. I look forward to more of your helpful feedback. —
CR4ZE (
T •
C)
01:07, 27 November 2020 (UTC)I'm copyediting as I read through; please revert anything you disagree with.
by July the newly cemented Warner Roadshow Studios had opened: I'm not sure what "cemented" means here, and this is the only mention of "Warner Roadshow Studios". I see from the link that they are apparently the same as Village Roadshow Studios, mentioned in the lead but that should be clearer to the reader.
-- Stopping there for the moment; I should be able to pick this up later today or possibly tomorrow. Looking good so far. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 15:48, 29 November 2020 (UTC)
who performed more thrilling stunts than before: "thrilling" is a little too adulatory to be said in Wikipedia's voice.
and incorporated world-first animatronics and 3D projection technologies: this is a bit vague. What was "world-first" about these?
Its main attraction was Doomsday Destroyer, a Suspended Twin Hammer thrill ride: you often link to a ride type (e.g. Space Shot (ride)) to avoid an inline explanation to people like me who know nothing about these ride types. In this case, since there's no link to either the ride itself or the ride type, I think you need either a parenthetical explanation or a footnote.
remains the single largest ride investment: needs an "as of 2020" or whatever the source date is.
With Tower of Terror II's 2019 closure, DC Rivals remains Australia's tallest, fastest and longest coaster: "remains" isn't right, since it did not have that status before Tower of Terror II closed. Perhaps "Since the closure of Tower of Terror II in 2019, DC Rivals has been..." though that would really also need an "as of 2020" note. Or "When Tower of Terror II closed in 2019, DC Rivals became..." which would not need an "as of".
Hollywood Stunt Driver's crew perform daring motorcycle and rally car stunts daily.[95] Scooby-Doo Spooky Coaster careens down corridors of eerie projections and booby traps before its elevator lift drops riders backwards into tight, unbanked turns.I'd cut or replace "daring", "careens", and probably "eerie"; they are more advertising than informative in tone.
Patrons cruise through Junior Driving School's miniature park replica[96] and embark the Road Runner Rollercoaster.I see you're trying to vary the language, but I don't think this works: patrons don't necessarily "cruise", which is again not quite the right tone; describing the layout doesn't require you to mention the patrons at all. And "embark" would need to be "embark on", but that problem also goes away if you avoid phrasing the description in terms of the customers. It's difficult to mention the customers in describing the rides without sounding like a brochure.
Guests use RFID wristbands to help the villains destroy the area or hang upside-down on Doomsday Destroyer.Plus it's not clear what the RFID wristbands do; if you want to mention them I'd put them up in the "2011-present" section where the Super-Villains precinct is first described.
as of August, White Christmas is scheduled to go ahead: Can the as of be updated, since we're now very close?
During its first operational year, Movie World received 1.2 million visitors: since it opened in the middle of 1991 it's not clear if this means the year ending in mid-1992 or the calendar year 1992. I would have thought the former, but later in the paragraph you cite an attendance figure for a calendar year. Similarly you mention the financial year without saying what this is in this case; a footnote would be enough.
A 20% decline in attendance during 2000 was attributed to Y2K hysteria: I find this hard to believe. Once 2000 dawned with few problems, everyone promptly forgot about Y2K. Is the source neutral and definite about this? If it's the company themselves making excuses I'd be very sceptical.
In response, operations were staggered on several rides over a daily rotating basis.I had to read the footnote to understand this. How about: "In response, hours of operation for several rides were reduced", which is unambiguous. The footnote gives a specific example which is still useful.
the scale and grandeur of American muses Disneyland and Universal Studios: I think "muses" here is a bit too figurative; just "inspirations" would do.
That's it for a first pass. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 13:39, 1 December 2020 (UTC)
Thanks for your patience and I'll come back again tomorrow to spot-check all of my changes against your comments. Responses below (I usually don't reply inline, although of course you may if you like):
Anything not mentioned has also been actioned and I've saved my response to your comments on park layout for last, as this is where we'll differ the most:
Eager for more discourse and very grateful for the thorough commentary so far. — CR4ZE ( T • C) 14:48, 3 December 2020 (UTC)
Thanks again Mike. I think I've responded (inline this time!) to everything—obviously we're in disagreement over the park layout prose but I'm happy to wait for more input from others if you want to see more consensus, or not. Look forward to more of your helpful insight and hope you're getting closer to forming a view on this one. — CR4ZE ( T • C) 13:02, 4 December 2020 (UTC)
I expect to support, but want to do one more read-through first -- tonight if I get time, otherwise tomorrow. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 22:25, 4 December 2020 (UTC)
I've read through again and I see just one minor wording issue: you have "paid host"; is this a typo for "played host"? If not I don't know what is intended. Other than that it looks fine. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 13:42, 5 December 2020 (UTC)
Perhaps you're right on "courses": I checked Merriam-Webster and Cambridge, and it works as a verb but not particularly well in this context. I like "traverses" better (checked it was suitable), especially as the ride travels right through the middle of the scenes described. Although I'll differ on the need for "as of", I don't have strong enough feelings, so I've happily followed your guidance here. Please know there is no rush to get a verdict either way: I'm keen to hear more suggestions, but I think we should be on the same page with everything listed above now. — CR4ZE ( T • C) 14:43, 5 December 2020 (UTC)
Support. I think the article is in very good shape now; thanks for making those last fixes. CR4ZE, please consider reviewing some more articles; I see it's been a while since you reviewed much, and we always need people who can engage with prose. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 15:12, 5 December 2020 (UTC)
CR4ZE: A note on one source: the "Flashback Feature" source appears to be subscription required, so the citation should reflect that, and the archive.org link should be removed as it doesn't work, presumably for that reason. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 13:33, 12 December 2020 (UTC)
The article was promoted by Gog the Mild via FACBot ( talk) 20 December 2020 [1].
Warner Bros. Movie World. Hollywood on the Gold Coast, with a distinctive Aussie lilt. The only place on Earth where you can blast ray guns at 3D Starros in a Cyborg simulation, drop backwards into stark-black from a Scrappy-Doo huff, and catapult out of the Metropolis tunnels on a Superman punch, all in a single day. Over a near-thirty year tenure since its star-studded 1991 opening, Movie World has grown into one of Australia's premier theme parks and most popular tourist attractions. Those old enough will recall the good ol' days when "experiences" that captured the magic of cinema were sought over high-octane scream machines. Five year old me still revels in awe at the studio backlots along the tram tour, and screams in garish delight as I plummet down the Wild West Falls and zip through the veins of Gotham on Batman Adventure. Throughout the 2000s, the park's status as a thrill-seeker's playground burgeoned. Today, its skyline is dominated by arguably Australia's strongest coaster lineup, including the crown jewel, DC Rivals HyperCoaster. The menacing 60 m near-vertical drop in the backwards-facing final row should be on every enthusiast's bucket list, and one I can't wait to experience again (when us south of the border are allowed across it).
Spurred on by a number of visits over recent years, I decided this article deserved an overhaul from the ground up. Save for a couple of cleanup edits in early 2019, I first started work in May this year and I'd like to think I've taken it a lot further than before I started. My work was conducted with almost no FA's to model on, as no modern theme park article has yet reached this standard. I'm relieved to finally be at a point where I can take this no further on my own. A quick note on sources: many news stories were accessed via archives and eLibrary databases hosted on ProQuest. Please Wikimail me if I can assist with spot-checks. Another note on images: there are hundreds available in the commons, so please note I am flexible with adding to or replacing the current selection. It would be an honour to have written Wikipedia's first Featured Article on a large, modern theme park. Thank you in advance and I greatly look forward to a spirited FAC commentary. — CR4ZE ( T • C) 07:43, 25 October 2020 (UTC)
A couple passing comments:
It recorded 1.3 million visitors in 2007 and was the third highest attended theme park in Australia, behind Sea World and Dreamworld.- Why are we citing 13-year-old figures in the lead? I thought at first this might be the peak of its popularity, or the most recent figures available; but this isn't the case since we later learn that in 2013 it "recorded more than 2 million visitors for the first time in its history".
variousappears 12 times in this article. Most, if not all, of these uses are unnecessary and could be removed - e.g.
Various costumed characters regularly roam the park-> "Costumed characters regularly roam the park";
It was variously described as the world's first "movie-based theme park" built outside the United States[26] and the first "American-style" theme park-> "It was described as"...
Warner moreover recognised the value proposition in the theme park than in the studio.- seems like there is a "greater" or similar missing here? or should that be "recognised the value proposition moreso in the theme park than in the studio"?
Between 400 and 500 new jobs were created upon its opening.[25][18]- check that ref numbers are in order
Opening attractions at Movie World focused on education about and involvement with the behind the scenes of filmmaking- I find this sentence very awkward, primarily because of "education about and involvement with" and the use of "behind the scenes" as a noun... perhaps this could be rephrased to something like "focused on educating guests about the behind-the-scenes aspects of filmmaking" etc
In 2003, the Harry Potter attraction closed and was in September by The Official Matrix Exhibit- missing word?
Hollywood Stunt Driver closed and was replaced by its sequel on 20 February 2014, a revamped show that featured Showtime FMX motocross riders who perform more thrilling stunts than before.- tense shift
The Roxy Theatre off Main Street screens Yogi Bear 4-D Experience.- does it only screen this one film? I find the sentence structure in this paragraph a bit repetitive - every sentence except the final one opens with "[Attraction] [verb]s..."
Guests use RFID wristbands to help the villains destroy the area- how does this work exactly? I would think RFID wristbands would be used for tracking purposes
Superman Escape catapults from 0 to 100 km/h (62 mph) in 2 seconds up a top hat- I know it's linked, but you might want to explain in the prose that a top hat is a roller coaster element because it gives a very weird mental image to someone who is not up to speed on rollercoaster terminology!
with sales of about 2.6 million units of stock across its 25 outlets generation $17 million in revenue- generating?
By 2000, about one third of park tickets were sold via the "Super Pass" deal, although a 20% decline in attendance that year was attributed to Y2K hysteria- not sure the the use of "although" is appropriate here. An overall decline in attendance doesn't necessarily contradict the fact that a different method of ticket purchase became more popular
The only notable incident at Movie World occurred on 15 March 2015- do the sources state that it was the only notable incident?
Overall the article seems quite comprehensive and easy to read. Nice job. Spicy ( talk) 20:25, 25 October 2020 (UTC)
reopened on 15 July at 50% guest capacity with various social distancing and sanitisation policies,
DC Comics Super-Villains Unleashed displays various DC supervillain statues amid criminal acts.what purpose does the word "various" serve here? Spicy ( talk) 19:09, 31 October 2020 (UTC)
The content of this website is provided for information purposes only. No claim is made as to the accuracy or currency of the content on this site at any time.This doesn't speak well to the site's reliability. Similarly the page on their editorial policy (which says that they accept user-generated submissions, but fact-check them before publication) says
we make no guarantee that the information in the database is up to date and/or correct.If the site is not even willing to describe itself as a reliable source, I unfortunately don't think we can use it on Wikipedia, let alone in a FA which should use not just reliable sources but high-quality reliable sources. Spicy ( talk) 17:15, 31 October 2020 (UTC)
their sizeable audience and quality of their YouTube contentbut that doesn't really relate to any of the WP:RS criteria - by analogy, the reception sections for, say, video game articles stick to reviews from established outlets with strong editorial control; they don't include what someone like Pewdiepie has to say about it, even though he has a huge audience and makes (according to some) quality videos. Spicy ( talk) 21:47, 27 October 2020 (UTC)
Thanks for your helpful commentary, please keep it coming! — CR4ZE ( T • C) 00:09, 26 October 2020 (UTC)
Hi Spicy, I was wondering if you have formed a view on this one yet, or is there more to come? Cheers. Gog the Mild ( talk) 11:50, 16 November 2020 (UTC)
I haven't read further because it doesn't appear the prose is yet FAC ready, and I am concerned about the reliability of sources. SandyGeorgia ( Talk) 20:57, 25 October 2020 (UTC)
Self-published expert sources may be considered reliable when produced by an established subject-matter expert, whose work in the relevant field has previously been published by reliable, independent publications.We need to see a list of reliable independent publications that have published the work of these SPS. SandyGeorgia ( Talk) 18:20, 27 October 2020 (UTC)
Hi Sandy, me again. I note that you seem to have some qualms about this nomination. It has recently passed a source review and I was wondering if that helps you to move towards a formal position re promotion. Fine if not, this is just a heads up. Thanks. Gog the Mild ( talk) 11:50, 16 November 2020 (UTC)
These are samples only, bouncing around. I don't think the prose is ready yet, and think an independent set of eyes could be helpful. SandyGeorgia ( Talk) 00:20, 19 November 2020 (UTC)
Hi Sandy: several additional editors have reviewed this one since you last looked at it, so I was wondering if you felt able to make a call? Cheers. Gog the Mild ( talk) 11:06, 9 December 2020 (UTC)
Doing now, btw you have a few dup links. Aza24 ( talk) 07:41, 13 November 2020 (UTC)
|accessdate=
parameters: "Access dates are not required for links to [...] news articles with publication dates". That's why they're not being used on almost all refs (in fact, they used to be but I removed them manually). The
archiving on all online refs should cover the functionality of accessdates, as we have an exact date and time to verify the text back to. Hence why even non-news refs don't have the parameters. In essence, all the reasons for using access parameters are redundant if the refs are archived. As for the 18 instances where accessdates are given, this was done because the sites couldn't be archived (ie GCB articles are paywalled) and are used simply as a courtesy. If it's consistency you're needing here, I could remove those parameters altogether, although I don't see the necessity.|url-access=
is being used. It was my understanding from reading the documentation that this would be the correct parameter to use for url links. The Proquest articles don't use url paramaters, so that's why their access notice is given as a text, not icon. Happy to substitute url-access for {{
pay}} if you'd prefer.Hey again Aza24, wanted to ask if you'd be able to take a run at the prose. Any further commentary would be greatly appreciated, especially as this is now in urgents and running out of time. (Good-faith offer of qpq if needed as well—always happy to repay debt for considered review. If more is needed here, I could take a look). Thanks! — CR4ZE ( T • C) 01:37, 23 November 2020 (UTC)
Would highly recommend a visit should you ever holiday on the Gold Coast. If you're not a big "thrill ride" person and/or have kids, Sea World and Dreamworld are fantastic as well.
Thank you for your insightful comments, please continue when you have an opportunity. — CR4ZE ( T • C) 00:33, 25 November 2020 (UTC)
Thanks for returning!
"Last September, we launched VR onto the Arkham Asylum Coaster at Warner Bros. Movie World and it has been really well received."Hopefully this is enough to solve the problem.
Look forward to your continued insight. — CR4ZE ( T • C) 23:40, 28 November 2020 (UTC)
Appreciate the support! I'm cool to just leave links as are. Yes, "ha" is the standard abbreviation for "hectare" but it was just as easy to remove this, as precinct size is already given in park layout. Good thing you noted the financial year thing, it was actually financial 2007 so I clarified the year and moved accordingly (spot-checked the other years, with no issues that I could see). I did check again to see if I could make the 3D film thing clearer, but the sources don't get into the specifics that I need to state that there were no 3D animated films at the Roxy prior to Marvin the Martian. It should be okay as is, but I'll come back tomorrow and see if it could be tweaked. Thanks again for the time given to this review, it is appreciated. Look forward to crossing paths again in the future! — CR4ZE ( T • C) 11:49, 29 November 2020 (UTC)
This nomination is approaching four weeks old and has not yet attracted any supports. I have added it to Urgents, but it needs to attract several substantive reviews over the next week or so if it is not to time out. Gog the Mild ( talk) 12:21, 20 November 2020 (UTC)
Hello, I'm Adog. Participant from WP:APARKS, will be commenting through the coming days. Some things I can point out this time around...
These, of course, are passing. More extensive to come in the latter. Adog ( Talk・ Cont) 16:44, 26 November 2020 (UTC)
|publisher=
fields on not only RCDB refs, but also the first-party sources. Left note j as is for now, as I do think jumping forward in time would disrupt the flow of the main prose and that the November staff count is superfluous to the text anyway. Do let me know if you disagree. I look forward to more of your helpful feedback. —
CR4ZE (
T •
C)
01:07, 27 November 2020 (UTC)I'm copyediting as I read through; please revert anything you disagree with.
by July the newly cemented Warner Roadshow Studios had opened: I'm not sure what "cemented" means here, and this is the only mention of "Warner Roadshow Studios". I see from the link that they are apparently the same as Village Roadshow Studios, mentioned in the lead but that should be clearer to the reader.
-- Stopping there for the moment; I should be able to pick this up later today or possibly tomorrow. Looking good so far. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 15:48, 29 November 2020 (UTC)
who performed more thrilling stunts than before: "thrilling" is a little too adulatory to be said in Wikipedia's voice.
and incorporated world-first animatronics and 3D projection technologies: this is a bit vague. What was "world-first" about these?
Its main attraction was Doomsday Destroyer, a Suspended Twin Hammer thrill ride: you often link to a ride type (e.g. Space Shot (ride)) to avoid an inline explanation to people like me who know nothing about these ride types. In this case, since there's no link to either the ride itself or the ride type, I think you need either a parenthetical explanation or a footnote.
remains the single largest ride investment: needs an "as of 2020" or whatever the source date is.
With Tower of Terror II's 2019 closure, DC Rivals remains Australia's tallest, fastest and longest coaster: "remains" isn't right, since it did not have that status before Tower of Terror II closed. Perhaps "Since the closure of Tower of Terror II in 2019, DC Rivals has been..." though that would really also need an "as of 2020" note. Or "When Tower of Terror II closed in 2019, DC Rivals became..." which would not need an "as of".
Hollywood Stunt Driver's crew perform daring motorcycle and rally car stunts daily.[95] Scooby-Doo Spooky Coaster careens down corridors of eerie projections and booby traps before its elevator lift drops riders backwards into tight, unbanked turns.I'd cut or replace "daring", "careens", and probably "eerie"; they are more advertising than informative in tone.
Patrons cruise through Junior Driving School's miniature park replica[96] and embark the Road Runner Rollercoaster.I see you're trying to vary the language, but I don't think this works: patrons don't necessarily "cruise", which is again not quite the right tone; describing the layout doesn't require you to mention the patrons at all. And "embark" would need to be "embark on", but that problem also goes away if you avoid phrasing the description in terms of the customers. It's difficult to mention the customers in describing the rides without sounding like a brochure.
Guests use RFID wristbands to help the villains destroy the area or hang upside-down on Doomsday Destroyer.Plus it's not clear what the RFID wristbands do; if you want to mention them I'd put them up in the "2011-present" section where the Super-Villains precinct is first described.
as of August, White Christmas is scheduled to go ahead: Can the as of be updated, since we're now very close?
During its first operational year, Movie World received 1.2 million visitors: since it opened in the middle of 1991 it's not clear if this means the year ending in mid-1992 or the calendar year 1992. I would have thought the former, but later in the paragraph you cite an attendance figure for a calendar year. Similarly you mention the financial year without saying what this is in this case; a footnote would be enough.
A 20% decline in attendance during 2000 was attributed to Y2K hysteria: I find this hard to believe. Once 2000 dawned with few problems, everyone promptly forgot about Y2K. Is the source neutral and definite about this? If it's the company themselves making excuses I'd be very sceptical.
In response, operations were staggered on several rides over a daily rotating basis.I had to read the footnote to understand this. How about: "In response, hours of operation for several rides were reduced", which is unambiguous. The footnote gives a specific example which is still useful.
the scale and grandeur of American muses Disneyland and Universal Studios: I think "muses" here is a bit too figurative; just "inspirations" would do.
That's it for a first pass. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 13:39, 1 December 2020 (UTC)
Thanks for your patience and I'll come back again tomorrow to spot-check all of my changes against your comments. Responses below (I usually don't reply inline, although of course you may if you like):
Anything not mentioned has also been actioned and I've saved my response to your comments on park layout for last, as this is where we'll differ the most:
Eager for more discourse and very grateful for the thorough commentary so far. — CR4ZE ( T • C) 14:48, 3 December 2020 (UTC)
Thanks again Mike. I think I've responded (inline this time!) to everything—obviously we're in disagreement over the park layout prose but I'm happy to wait for more input from others if you want to see more consensus, or not. Look forward to more of your helpful insight and hope you're getting closer to forming a view on this one. — CR4ZE ( T • C) 13:02, 4 December 2020 (UTC)
I expect to support, but want to do one more read-through first -- tonight if I get time, otherwise tomorrow. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 22:25, 4 December 2020 (UTC)
I've read through again and I see just one minor wording issue: you have "paid host"; is this a typo for "played host"? If not I don't know what is intended. Other than that it looks fine. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 13:42, 5 December 2020 (UTC)
Perhaps you're right on "courses": I checked Merriam-Webster and Cambridge, and it works as a verb but not particularly well in this context. I like "traverses" better (checked it was suitable), especially as the ride travels right through the middle of the scenes described. Although I'll differ on the need for "as of", I don't have strong enough feelings, so I've happily followed your guidance here. Please know there is no rush to get a verdict either way: I'm keen to hear more suggestions, but I think we should be on the same page with everything listed above now. — CR4ZE ( T • C) 14:43, 5 December 2020 (UTC)
Support. I think the article is in very good shape now; thanks for making those last fixes. CR4ZE, please consider reviewing some more articles; I see it's been a while since you reviewed much, and we always need people who can engage with prose. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 15:12, 5 December 2020 (UTC)
CR4ZE: A note on one source: the "Flashback Feature" source appears to be subscription required, so the citation should reflect that, and the archive.org link should be removed as it doesn't work, presumably for that reason. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 13:33, 12 December 2020 (UTC)