This is a comment.
- "Morio Kishimoto (Lead Game Design)" - spell out "designer" to match.
- "Producer/Director", "Lead Game Design", "Art & Field Art Director" - is there a particular reason they are capitalized? I would say work titles aren't proper nouns. "sound director" isn't capitalized.
- "3D" is linked in gameplay and not in lead. I would avoid linking such short word "3D" before another link, it can easily be misinterpreted as a
3D platform link.
- "de facto sidekick" - is redundant "de facto" really needed here? As fancy as it sounds, "throughout the game" already establishes that the side-kick is constantly there. As much as I love placing Latin phrases here and there, this is of little benefit to the reader.
- "the entirety of the book Arabian Nights" - "the entire Arabian Nights book", simpler
- "the two form" - what's a "two form"? I suspect clarification is needed unless I'm just not familiar with the expression.
- "and Sonic dies if he touched an enemy without any rings" - does this instalment not feature death by spikes and such? Also "if he touches".
- "The story occupies the "Adventure" mode" - occupies is a very strange word for this. Can is simply be ".. story is played in the adv..."?
- "These bonus consist of" - "These bonuses are" - simpler, also bonuses should be pluralized.
- "Sonic earns experience points after successful missions, which advance him levels as in role-playing video games." - "which" is ambiguous - it is experience points and not missions that advance him. So "Sonic earns experience points after successful missions and advances in levels as in role-playing video games."
- Sonic can be wikilinked
Sonic the Hedgehog (character) as first mention in non-lead. Same for
Shahra who may have an article one day as unlikely it may be. Same for "Genie of the Lamp" at
The Genie.
- Sonic is already linked in the second sentence of gameplay, his first non-lead mention. Also, linking Shahra would create a redlink, which just don't look good and should be avoided. The Genie→done, though.
Tezero (
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18:23, 23 June 2010 (UTC)
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- Oh, yeah, Sonic was linked in gameplay, my bad. Who exactly is
The Genie - Shahra or "Genie of the Lamp from the story of Aladdin and the Magic Lamp"? The prose definitely suggests the latter one, but you linked the former.
Shahra is not a redlink and even if it was there is nothing against redlinks even in FA. —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK
19:35, 23 June 2010 (UTC)
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- You're right; my bad; done. Concerning Shahra, though, FACs are specifically not supposed to link to disambiguation pages, as it looks like an error.
Tezero (
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18:38, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
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- That's not a disambiguation page, that's a sub-section of a list of characters.
Noone has yet added Shahra, but I can create a header for her if you are that concerned with a half-broken link.—
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK 18:50, 25 June 2010 (UTC) It's for characters appearing multiple times, so probably not worth it. I doubt she'll be featured. Withdrawing.—
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK
18:55, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
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- "The game uses a system of experience points and levels, as well as special moves." Would explicitly saying that this is different from other series games be appropriate as that was probably your intention.
- "on-rails style of movement" is completely unexplained for unfamiliar reader, especially without any wikilinks.
- "by collecting
pearls scattered throughout" - pearl is not obscure and not enough context important to be wikilinked. "turn-based", for example, is more suited for wikilinking.
- "the Erazor Djinn" - Erazor Djinn is proper noun, so "the" shouldn't be used.
- "While sleeping soundly" - why soundly? the reference implies he woke up from the first Shara's text.
- "characteristically, he agrees" - characteristically is also OR and not directly from game dialogue.
- "sacrificed" - not sure if linking this to
Human sacrifice is useful - they are anthropomorphic creatures and even so, sacrifce isn't such an obscure term or something that one would really want to research after this.
- "similarly
real world is not referring to THE real world, rather Sonic's real world, so I think that link is misleading.
- "Erazor's lamp" - oil lamp was already linked in "characters" and it's a really pointless link.
- "Sonic then disposes of the lamp in the "Evil Foundry" level" - disposes how? why is the level name significant to mention but not explain further?
- "Sonic runs through the book until he finds a way home." - finds a way home how?
- "Bettenhausen noted that "[t]he controls feel" - if the [t] represent uncapitalized "T", then I'm not sure it's needed, it doesn't really improve the meaning and only confuses.
- "Players brake with the 1 button and jump with the 2 button." This comes out of nowhere with assumption reader is familiar with both Sonic's possible action and gamepad's buttons.
- Done.
Tezero (
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18:55, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
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- It still assumes player even knows what Sonic can do. The section does not explain the "obvious" basics - jumping, braking. Is there dash? Are there power-ups? Somewhere later it mentioned constant running but also reversing? I think it needs more "never seen a Sonic" game material for the FA to stand on its own.—
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK
19:28, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
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- Something like "Sonic constantly runs forward, with player directing his sideways movement with Wii. Player can brake with the 1 button and jump with the 2 button of blah blah"? I've never played this so I'm guessing. —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK
20:20, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
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- Slightly reworded. But it already says that "Tilting the Wii Remote forward, backward, left, or right stilts his movement in the corresponding direction." That explains sideways movement, as well as speeding up and slowing down. Power-ups and dashing are covered later in the "skills" paragraph, and jumping and braking are covered when it explains the controls. It's unlikely that players wouldn't know where jumping is coming from, because the article already states that it's a platform game.
Tezero (
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22:02, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
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- "homing attack" - I suspect more clarification on this is needed as as well.
- Done... I think. Can you tell what it means?
Tezero (
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18:55, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
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- "a move which propels him forward in mid-air" - only mid-air? So "him forward from mid-air" would be better. "locking onto" as in automatic target-lock? Does it automatically alter Sonic's direction to hit multiple targets? Or does is only target one distant enemy? If so, "locking onto" is probably unnecessary.—
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK
19:28, 25 June 2010 (UTC)
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- Slightly reworded... it is an automatic target lock. It's like, his direction is dependent on the enemies he locks onto, but generally they're all in about the same direction.
Tezero (
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22:02, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
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I only skimmed throught Story, Development, Reception sections for now. —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK
14:36, 23 June 2010 (UTC)
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- See Also section?
- Done.
Tezero (
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18:47, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
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- I think
Sonic the Hedgehog (character),
Sonic the Hedgehog (series),
List of Sonic the Hedgehog video game characters,
List of games featuring Sonic the Hedgehog should be in See Also. May be
Sega. Having already been linked before should not hinder user's ability to easily navigate to similar stuff —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK
20:20, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
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- I put the character list as a "see also" header at the start of the Characters section. About the others, though, readers can easily find them elsewhere in the article or navboxes, and it's not any kind of standard in game articles to list these things.
Tezero (
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20:53, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
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- I suppose not, I am just guessing it is easier to navigate by See Also than navboxes when you want relevant topics. I've done so myself, when not caring about the topic much, but finding something intriguing in See Also relevant links. Anyway, not a big deal, content is what matters.—
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK
22:03, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
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- "As in other Sonic games" -> Perhaps "Like in other Sonic games"?
- "As in other Sonic games, Sonic collects rings" - "Sonic" twice in a row reads bad, perhaps: "Like in other franchise's games, Sonic collects rings".
- "Sonic collects rings as a form of health" - does the manual actually say "form of health" or is this OR?
- "Different from previous titles" -> "unlike previous titles" - "different" reads strange if not incorrect at the start of sentence.
- "at the last designated checkpoint" - "designated" how? Can "visited" be used instead (if that is how it works)? Otherwise, the word can be skipped.
- "Sonic has 104 special moves called "skills" unlocked over the course of the game, usually upon reaching certain levels." - what are the other ways to unlock skills? Were they not mentioned because they are trivial?
- "The player can distribute these skills to four "Skill Rings" - I assume it's only 4 skills per Ring, but this may need a slight rewording to explicitly state that.
- "Skills aid Sonic in various ways, such as increasing speed, acceleration, braking, initial speed upon landing, and offensive or defensive power, as well as providing him with special attacks." -> "Skills can provide Sonic with improved movement, offensive, and defensive capabilities, as well as special attacks." - shortened, less specifics, some descriptive adjectives can be added (e.g., "enhanced").
- "minigames that employ the Wii Remote's motion sensing technology" - is that an important distinction?
- ""Fire Souls": small fiery objects" -> ""Fire Souls" — small fiery objects" - Mdash should be generally used instead of colon unless listing a number of items.
- "Skills are generally used by depleting the "Soul Gauge", shown on the right side of the screen and slowly filled by collecting pearls scattered throughout the levels." -> "Skills are used by depleting the "Soul Gauge", which is slowly filled by collecting pearls scattered throughout the levels." - "generally" - are there other methods to use skills? Since the location of Soul Gauge is shown in the image with description, I don't think it is worth mentioning. Its location carries little significance to how it's used, but the sentence becomes cluttered.
- Removed location, but kept "generally". Not all of them deplete the Soul Gauge; for example, one of them gives him a rocket start upon commencing a level, and one simply increases his speed during the entirety of the time it is on.
Tezero (
talk)
22:44, 27 June 2010 (UTC)
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- "with "Party" and "Special Book" modes also available to the player" - not a good sentence - "available" is an adjective, not a verb.
- "Sonic and the Secret Rings features three
game modes — "Adventure", "Party", and "Special Book". The game's story is played in the Adventure mode. The Party mode features..." - this immediately lists the three modes, and then proceeds to explain them. I could not think of a better way (considering Ost316's suggestion). The current version ties the explanation of Adventure mode with introduction to other modes, and no matter how rephrased, it still feels poorly fragmented.
- "exclusively" - a bit redundant since Wii or other consoles don't come with any other stuff by default.
- "which is intended to be held" - also redundant, what else could a gamepad be intended for?
semicolon - although it clearly separated the thoughts, it isn't easy on reading.
*I assume homing attack is a major Wii thing for this game? If so, it should be mentioned, though after fully explaining its meaning, it does seem overly descriptive, so:
**"along his path" - grammar
- Altered: "Sonic the Hedgehog, the series' main character, is the game's only player character. He is controlled exclusively with the Wii Remote, which is held horizontally like a traditional gamepad.[2] Sonic is constantly running and players adjust his forward movement by tilting the controller. Players can jump and brake by pressing the respective controller buttons. Thrusting the Wii Remote forwards performs a special attack from mid-air targeting and damaging enemies along his path."
- That seems contradicting. It says that he's always running forward, but that the player can change his direction. It's more like, when you tilt the controller, his movement is more in that direction but still overall forward. The way it is now implies that if you tilt it forward, he goes faster, and if you tilt it backward, he goes slower or even backwards, as well as the stuff about moving to either side. Also, "corresponding controller buttons" doesn't make sense; corresponding to what?
Tezero (
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01:45, 27 June 2010 (UTC)
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