The article was not promoted 17:53, 31 August 2007.
This article has gone through a pretty thorough Good Article review. I'm not sure it's featured status yet, but feedback would be most welcome. Thanks-- Macca7174 talk 23:32, 26 July 2007 (UTC) reply
Needs a thorough massage. Tony 14:58, 17 August 2007 (UTC) reply
-- Macca7174 talk 20:05, 17 August 2007 (UTC) reply
No, MOS specifically says to use an en dash for such sports scores. En dashes separate related, but contrasting items. Tony 12:44, 20 August 2007 (UTC) reply
Comment: En dashes have been inserted in scores and em dashes used where appropriate. Pascal (his brother) has been cleaned up. Per Tony's comments. Good luck ww2censor 13:18, 20 August 2007 (UTC) reply
"His high scoring rate in his earlier years, when he would often be Tyrone's highest scorer[10] (particularly in the 1995 All-Ireland final when he scored eleven of Tyrone's twelve points),[11] led to claims that Tyrone was a "one-man show,"[12] but the continued emergence of skilled players like Brian Dooher and Stephen O'Neill means that burden has been lifted off Canavan."
Break it up thus:
"His early high scoring-rate, when he would often be Tyrone's best performer[10] (particularly in the 1995 All-Ireland final when he scored eleven of Tyrone's twelve points),[11] led to claims that Tyrone was a "one-man show";[12] however, the continued emergence of skilled players such as Brian Dooher and Stephen O'Neill has lifted that burden from Canavan."
Then: "scoring record, scoring"
And "Canavan's career is dotted with examples of indiscipline,[13] as he would often get into on-pitch scuffles with other players."—"dotted" is too informal; "as" is not good, so why not make the causality explicit: ",[13] including many on-pitch ...".
The first sentence under the lead I happened on was "In order to play for an inter-county GAA team, Canavan had to work around a Gaelic Athletic Association (GAA) bylaw in order to represent his county, due to a dispute in his parish of Errigal Ciarán." Repetition, and avoid "in order"—"to" is usually good enough. It's circular and hard to understand, overall.
If those scores really are a particular Gaelic thing (goals and points), explain this on first occurence; otherwise, most readers will think they're the contrasting scores of opponents.
It needs a good copy-edit by someone else. Tony 06:45, 26 August 2007 (UTC) reply
I intend to give comments on other sections later. – Ilse @ 13:19, 28 August 2007 (UTC) reply
The article was not promoted 17:53, 31 August 2007.
This article has gone through a pretty thorough Good Article review. I'm not sure it's featured status yet, but feedback would be most welcome. Thanks-- Macca7174 talk 23:32, 26 July 2007 (UTC) reply
Needs a thorough massage. Tony 14:58, 17 August 2007 (UTC) reply
-- Macca7174 talk 20:05, 17 August 2007 (UTC) reply
No, MOS specifically says to use an en dash for such sports scores. En dashes separate related, but contrasting items. Tony 12:44, 20 August 2007 (UTC) reply
Comment: En dashes have been inserted in scores and em dashes used where appropriate. Pascal (his brother) has been cleaned up. Per Tony's comments. Good luck ww2censor 13:18, 20 August 2007 (UTC) reply
"His high scoring rate in his earlier years, when he would often be Tyrone's highest scorer[10] (particularly in the 1995 All-Ireland final when he scored eleven of Tyrone's twelve points),[11] led to claims that Tyrone was a "one-man show,"[12] but the continued emergence of skilled players like Brian Dooher and Stephen O'Neill means that burden has been lifted off Canavan."
Break it up thus:
"His early high scoring-rate, when he would often be Tyrone's best performer[10] (particularly in the 1995 All-Ireland final when he scored eleven of Tyrone's twelve points),[11] led to claims that Tyrone was a "one-man show";[12] however, the continued emergence of skilled players such as Brian Dooher and Stephen O'Neill has lifted that burden from Canavan."
Then: "scoring record, scoring"
And "Canavan's career is dotted with examples of indiscipline,[13] as he would often get into on-pitch scuffles with other players."—"dotted" is too informal; "as" is not good, so why not make the causality explicit: ",[13] including many on-pitch ...".
The first sentence under the lead I happened on was "In order to play for an inter-county GAA team, Canavan had to work around a Gaelic Athletic Association (GAA) bylaw in order to represent his county, due to a dispute in his parish of Errigal Ciarán." Repetition, and avoid "in order"—"to" is usually good enough. It's circular and hard to understand, overall.
If those scores really are a particular Gaelic thing (goals and points), explain this on first occurence; otherwise, most readers will think they're the contrasting scores of opponents.
It needs a good copy-edit by someone else. Tony 06:45, 26 August 2007 (UTC) reply
I intend to give comments on other sections later. – Ilse @ 13:19, 28 August 2007 (UTC) reply