I'm nominating this article because, looking at a selection of other album FAs for structure and content, I believe this article is of good enough quality to become a featured article.
Seraphim♥Whipp21:14, 3 August 2008 (UTC)reply
Comments- A thorough copyedit is needed; here are examples of problem sentences that may need fixing:
"As Taylor and Goddard worked on some of the songs as a duo" as a duo --> together
"Al Doyle has stated that Hot Chip try not to be beholden to the original recordings when playing their music live." This seems clunky to me.
"Goddard considered varying styles and influences a key factor in the band's music is that it has always originated from different styles and various influences,[9] but also explained that creating music can be difficult because a member could introduce a different influence." I don't understand what the first phrase of the sentence is trying to say. Also, pick a tense and stick to it ("creating music can be difficult", "a member could introduce a different influence")
"The concept of the song "Wrestlers" originates from a text message sent from James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem." Take out sent, we know that the text message came from James Murphy.
In an interview with Pitchfork in October 2007, Taylor addressed the proportion of electronic elements by saying there would be just as much electronic stuff as live material; he said the band don't "do things by adding one thing and taking something else away", but rather "throw everything into the mix":-I don't think just in "just as much" is necessary; don't-->doesn't.
Also, per
Wikiproject Album's external links guidelines, include links relating to the album only; sites that concern the artist belong on the artist's article.
I'm still not satisfied with the external links; someone who more familiar with music websites should decide whether the remaining links belong on the article and find links that have to do with the album.Dabomb87 (
talk)
14:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)reply
I'll review more thoroughly tomorrow.
Dabomb87 (
talk) 00:39, 4 August 2008 (UTC) Never mind, Giggy said most everything I wanted to say. Meanwhile, I copyedited the Musical style section, which as far as prose is concerned, was the section that needed the most attention.
Dabomb87 (
talk)
14:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)reply
Thank-you for your comments. I have fixed points 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. With point 1, the band members, Taylor and Goddard, generally work as a duo, with the rest of the band participating in later stages. With point 3, the language got a bit confused in a copyedit so I've given it the tweak it needed.
Seraphim♥Whipp01:39, 4 August 2008 (UTC)reply
The lead definitely needs work; it focuses almost solely on sales/charts/single releases. Plenty of good stuff to copy off at
WP:FA#Music; I like By the Way and Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses) as some (random) good examples.
"The band took a different approach in recording Made in the Dark to make it sound "not quite so homemade";[8] Hot Chip often uses bedrooms to record their music." - switch this around so you mention bedrooms before the quote.
That's... um... all the info there is on recording and production?
"saying there would be as much electronic stuff as live material" - try not to use words like stuff unless you're direct quoting...
The first sentence of Musical style goes for waaaaaay too long.
Not liking the short paragraphs in the Lyrics section... could you put them all together into a few that flow better....?
Be consistent with quotation marks/italics in Album title section.
Might also want to talk about cover art (if there's anything worth saying) in that section.
Thanks for taking the time to review this. I've worked on points 2, 4, 5, 6 and 7. Point 3: Now that you've pointed it out, it does look very short in contrast! I'll see what more I can find on production, recording and I'll look for some stuff about the artwork. Finally, thanks for the fixes and for fixing those mis-spells! Spelling names weirdly is a terrible quirk of mine.
Seraphim♥Whipp17:14, 5 August 2008 (UTC)reply
Just a little note, I am actively writing a new lead section off-wiki. I try so hard not to introduce OR, POV or weasel wording, that it really ends up stifling any flair or creativeness. But I'm working on it and hopefully you can expect to see a lead that is less clinical and stiff.
Seraphim♥Whipp01:13, 6 August 2008 (UTC)reply
I've fixed point 1, worked on point 3 by adding more to production and recording (though I will still be adding more) and started a promotion section, (again, I'll give that a little more work).
Seraphim♥Whipp15:29, 10 August 2008 (UTC)reply
"During the week of its release it reached..." - does the week in which it charted really matter?
"which reached number 53 in the UK Singles Top 75" - I'd have that as "on" (not "in") as that's how I refer to charts... is it just me? (same for all other charts)
"One of the defining features of the album is the strong presence of romantic ballads; the album included more than any previous release." - the part after the semi colon can be scrapped; it's implied (to an extent at least) and doesn't really do much.
Pitchfork Media shouldn't have italics (check refs and article text... Ctrl+F is your friend).
"Rolling Stone described the title track ballad" - "title track ballad".... not a fan of the phrasing.
"feelings of love and happiness had contributed to the album's romantic feel" - can you use a word other than feel one of the times?
Rather than quote someone specific in the lead, could you go into critic opinions in more detail (eg. critics generally approved of the honing of skills on this album.... they disliked the ballads...). Don't worry, it's not OR as you're just backing up stuff you say in the critical reception section anyway.
My comment above was a suggestion that you merge the Album title and Artwork sections.
The infobox should note the singles released (I forget the syntax, but check the infobox's page and it should say).
All good stuff, which I shall get done tomorrow (I'm practically falling asleep at the keyboard tonight). Only thing, with Pitchfork, I had used italic because I thought it fell into the category of magazine/publication. But obviously you've got numerous album FA's experience on your side, so I concede defeat and will change it tomorrow :).
Seraphim♥Whipp00:28, 13 August 2008 (UTC)reply
1 to 6 done. With point 8, rather than merge the text of the two sections together, I gave them subheadings under a retitled production section. 7 and 9 to do, plus checking the date formats for consistency and I'll find reliable sources for chart positions.
Seraphim♥Whipp19:38, 19 August 2008 (UTC)reply
I've been able to replace acharts in some cases, though in others I'm unable to find anything. I'll leave it up to Seraphim Whipp to decide what to do in these cases. —Giggy02:48, 17 August 2008 (UTC)reply
Now only reliable sources are used in the article, with achart sourced ones commented out. I have tried to find reliable chart positions for those, but haven't yet found anything usable.
Seraphim♥Whipp17:28, 23 August 2008 (UTC)reply
More Comments
"There were mixed comments about certain elements in the album such as the ballads; two reviewers noted a disparity between the energy of different songs." This sentence needs to be either split up or rewritten.
He discussed "Wrestlers" in the band's interview with The Sun, believing that the song is "musically and lyrically quite direct" because "it doesn’t have thousands of layers", in contrast to the song "Bendable Poseable." Change "believing" to explaining, you can't "believe" something in a discussion.
The article never clarifies who "Taylor" is (besides the navbox at the article). Write the first names of the band members and their role in the band in the first mention of them in the article.Dabomb87 (
talk)
01:23, 6 August 2008 (UTC)reply
"Darren Simpson - engineer (assistant)": For some reason, the dash/hyphen looks different from all the others.
"Some of these concepts included, dual colour illustrations, circles and the coating on copper, verdigris, after oxygenation has occurred." Comma use, please.Dabomb87 (
talk)
23:45, 12 August 2008 (UTC)reply
I must have accidentally used a hyphen - fixed. As to the second point, I can't really see what's wrong with the comma usage. Is it the verdgris commas? Those are
parenthetical. The others are used as part of the three part list. Perhaps the first comma should be replaced with a semi-colon though.
Seraphim♥Whipp23:54, 12 August 2008 (UTC)reply
Conditional Support-The lead looks a lot better now. I may have a few things later, but This is a well referenced, well written article. The only issue I have is comprehensiveness; more info on production and recording would be nice.
Dabomb87 (
talk)
18:19, 9 August 2008 (UTC)reply
I helped with the prose before Seraphim Whipp nominated the article, and I am her friend, so I have a very slight conflict of interest, but probably not to the level which would prevent my support. However, there are a few tiny prose hiccups, such as one or two commas being where they shouldn't and not being where they should, but I can't really criticise my own writing that much. In short, as long as the prose is upto standard, I'll support. Sceptre(
talk)00:28, 23 August 2008 (UTC)reply
Image:Cropped version of KylieShowgirl.jpg is fine, free-image-wise, I'm just wondering how much this picture helps the section (I know it's talking about her, but I would think a picture of her with the band, if possible, would be better than nothing; a random picture of Kylie seems...odd, particularly of her dressed as a showgirl.)
I've
copy-edited the lead to show that a polish is required throughout. It's not in too bad shape, but 45–60 minutes by someone good (and distant from the text) would make a difference. Overlinking: please note that MOSLINK says not to link the names of commonly known countries (i.e., nationalities, too), especially anglophone ones.
Tony(talk)02:38, 24 August 2008 (UTC)reply
I'm nominating this article because, looking at a selection of other album FAs for structure and content, I believe this article is of good enough quality to become a featured article.
Seraphim♥Whipp21:14, 3 August 2008 (UTC)reply
Comments- A thorough copyedit is needed; here are examples of problem sentences that may need fixing:
"As Taylor and Goddard worked on some of the songs as a duo" as a duo --> together
"Al Doyle has stated that Hot Chip try not to be beholden to the original recordings when playing their music live." This seems clunky to me.
"Goddard considered varying styles and influences a key factor in the band's music is that it has always originated from different styles and various influences,[9] but also explained that creating music can be difficult because a member could introduce a different influence." I don't understand what the first phrase of the sentence is trying to say. Also, pick a tense and stick to it ("creating music can be difficult", "a member could introduce a different influence")
"The concept of the song "Wrestlers" originates from a text message sent from James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem." Take out sent, we know that the text message came from James Murphy.
In an interview with Pitchfork in October 2007, Taylor addressed the proportion of electronic elements by saying there would be just as much electronic stuff as live material; he said the band don't "do things by adding one thing and taking something else away", but rather "throw everything into the mix":-I don't think just in "just as much" is necessary; don't-->doesn't.
Also, per
Wikiproject Album's external links guidelines, include links relating to the album only; sites that concern the artist belong on the artist's article.
I'm still not satisfied with the external links; someone who more familiar with music websites should decide whether the remaining links belong on the article and find links that have to do with the album.Dabomb87 (
talk)
14:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)reply
I'll review more thoroughly tomorrow.
Dabomb87 (
talk) 00:39, 4 August 2008 (UTC) Never mind, Giggy said most everything I wanted to say. Meanwhile, I copyedited the Musical style section, which as far as prose is concerned, was the section that needed the most attention.
Dabomb87 (
talk)
14:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)reply
Thank-you for your comments. I have fixed points 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. With point 1, the band members, Taylor and Goddard, generally work as a duo, with the rest of the band participating in later stages. With point 3, the language got a bit confused in a copyedit so I've given it the tweak it needed.
Seraphim♥Whipp01:39, 4 August 2008 (UTC)reply
The lead definitely needs work; it focuses almost solely on sales/charts/single releases. Plenty of good stuff to copy off at
WP:FA#Music; I like By the Way and Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses) as some (random) good examples.
"The band took a different approach in recording Made in the Dark to make it sound "not quite so homemade";[8] Hot Chip often uses bedrooms to record their music." - switch this around so you mention bedrooms before the quote.
That's... um... all the info there is on recording and production?
"saying there would be as much electronic stuff as live material" - try not to use words like stuff unless you're direct quoting...
The first sentence of Musical style goes for waaaaaay too long.
Not liking the short paragraphs in the Lyrics section... could you put them all together into a few that flow better....?
Be consistent with quotation marks/italics in Album title section.
Might also want to talk about cover art (if there's anything worth saying) in that section.
Thanks for taking the time to review this. I've worked on points 2, 4, 5, 6 and 7. Point 3: Now that you've pointed it out, it does look very short in contrast! I'll see what more I can find on production, recording and I'll look for some stuff about the artwork. Finally, thanks for the fixes and for fixing those mis-spells! Spelling names weirdly is a terrible quirk of mine.
Seraphim♥Whipp17:14, 5 August 2008 (UTC)reply
Just a little note, I am actively writing a new lead section off-wiki. I try so hard not to introduce OR, POV or weasel wording, that it really ends up stifling any flair or creativeness. But I'm working on it and hopefully you can expect to see a lead that is less clinical and stiff.
Seraphim♥Whipp01:13, 6 August 2008 (UTC)reply
I've fixed point 1, worked on point 3 by adding more to production and recording (though I will still be adding more) and started a promotion section, (again, I'll give that a little more work).
Seraphim♥Whipp15:29, 10 August 2008 (UTC)reply
"During the week of its release it reached..." - does the week in which it charted really matter?
"which reached number 53 in the UK Singles Top 75" - I'd have that as "on" (not "in") as that's how I refer to charts... is it just me? (same for all other charts)
"One of the defining features of the album is the strong presence of romantic ballads; the album included more than any previous release." - the part after the semi colon can be scrapped; it's implied (to an extent at least) and doesn't really do much.
Pitchfork Media shouldn't have italics (check refs and article text... Ctrl+F is your friend).
"Rolling Stone described the title track ballad" - "title track ballad".... not a fan of the phrasing.
"feelings of love and happiness had contributed to the album's romantic feel" - can you use a word other than feel one of the times?
Rather than quote someone specific in the lead, could you go into critic opinions in more detail (eg. critics generally approved of the honing of skills on this album.... they disliked the ballads...). Don't worry, it's not OR as you're just backing up stuff you say in the critical reception section anyway.
My comment above was a suggestion that you merge the Album title and Artwork sections.
The infobox should note the singles released (I forget the syntax, but check the infobox's page and it should say).
All good stuff, which I shall get done tomorrow (I'm practically falling asleep at the keyboard tonight). Only thing, with Pitchfork, I had used italic because I thought it fell into the category of magazine/publication. But obviously you've got numerous album FA's experience on your side, so I concede defeat and will change it tomorrow :).
Seraphim♥Whipp00:28, 13 August 2008 (UTC)reply
1 to 6 done. With point 8, rather than merge the text of the two sections together, I gave them subheadings under a retitled production section. 7 and 9 to do, plus checking the date formats for consistency and I'll find reliable sources for chart positions.
Seraphim♥Whipp19:38, 19 August 2008 (UTC)reply
I've been able to replace acharts in some cases, though in others I'm unable to find anything. I'll leave it up to Seraphim Whipp to decide what to do in these cases. —Giggy02:48, 17 August 2008 (UTC)reply
Now only reliable sources are used in the article, with achart sourced ones commented out. I have tried to find reliable chart positions for those, but haven't yet found anything usable.
Seraphim♥Whipp17:28, 23 August 2008 (UTC)reply
More Comments
"There were mixed comments about certain elements in the album such as the ballads; two reviewers noted a disparity between the energy of different songs." This sentence needs to be either split up or rewritten.
He discussed "Wrestlers" in the band's interview with The Sun, believing that the song is "musically and lyrically quite direct" because "it doesn’t have thousands of layers", in contrast to the song "Bendable Poseable." Change "believing" to explaining, you can't "believe" something in a discussion.
The article never clarifies who "Taylor" is (besides the navbox at the article). Write the first names of the band members and their role in the band in the first mention of them in the article.Dabomb87 (
talk)
01:23, 6 August 2008 (UTC)reply
"Darren Simpson - engineer (assistant)": For some reason, the dash/hyphen looks different from all the others.
"Some of these concepts included, dual colour illustrations, circles and the coating on copper, verdigris, after oxygenation has occurred." Comma use, please.Dabomb87 (
talk)
23:45, 12 August 2008 (UTC)reply
I must have accidentally used a hyphen - fixed. As to the second point, I can't really see what's wrong with the comma usage. Is it the verdgris commas? Those are
parenthetical. The others are used as part of the three part list. Perhaps the first comma should be replaced with a semi-colon though.
Seraphim♥Whipp23:54, 12 August 2008 (UTC)reply
Conditional Support-The lead looks a lot better now. I may have a few things later, but This is a well referenced, well written article. The only issue I have is comprehensiveness; more info on production and recording would be nice.
Dabomb87 (
talk)
18:19, 9 August 2008 (UTC)reply
I helped with the prose before Seraphim Whipp nominated the article, and I am her friend, so I have a very slight conflict of interest, but probably not to the level which would prevent my support. However, there are a few tiny prose hiccups, such as one or two commas being where they shouldn't and not being where they should, but I can't really criticise my own writing that much. In short, as long as the prose is upto standard, I'll support. Sceptre(
talk)00:28, 23 August 2008 (UTC)reply
Image:Cropped version of KylieShowgirl.jpg is fine, free-image-wise, I'm just wondering how much this picture helps the section (I know it's talking about her, but I would think a picture of her with the band, if possible, would be better than nothing; a random picture of Kylie seems...odd, particularly of her dressed as a showgirl.)
I've
copy-edited the lead to show that a polish is required throughout. It's not in too bad shape, but 45–60 minutes by someone good (and distant from the text) would make a difference. Overlinking: please note that MOSLINK says not to link the names of commonly known countries (i.e., nationalities, too), especially anglophone ones.
Tony(talk)02:38, 24 August 2008 (UTC)reply