The article was archived by Laser brain via FACBot ( talk) 11:41, 13 July 2016 [1].
This article is about retired U.S. Airforce officer and humanitarian Gail Halvorsen. It describes Halvorsen's early life and career and focuses on his initiation of and work with Operation "Little Vittles". After seeing and speaking with some of the destitute children of Berlin during the Berlin Blockade, Halvorsen had the idea to drop his candy rations via handkerchief parachute to the children. After Halvorsen's commander officially sanctioned the project, Operation "Little Vittles" expanded drastically. From September 1948 to May 1949, Operation "Little Vittles" dropped over 23 tons of candy to the youth of Berlin. The article goes on to detail the rest of Halvorsen's professional career and his legacy-including both his awards and continuing humanitarian work. Halvorsen was awarded the Congressional Gold Medal, the Cheney Air Force Award, and the Legion of Merit. He also planned candy drops over Bosnia-Herzegovina (as a part of Operation Provide Promise), Kosovo, Japan, Guam, Albania, and Baghdad, Iraq. Because of his international renown, there is a plethora of information on Gail Halvorsen in various places. I believe that this article is one of (if not the) most comprehensive biographies of the man and his life's work. Alexislynn(BYU) ( talk) 21:31, 11 July 2016 (UTC) reply
Oppose for now at least -- recusing from my coord duties, I note there are large sections of uncited text; each paragraph should end with a citation at the very least (indicating all preceding text in the paragraph may be found in the cited source -- more granular referencing may be necessary). On a procedural matter, I note also that a Peer Review is still open; either this FAC should be withdrawn until the PR runs its course or the PR should be closed -- the two should not be open simultaneously, per FAC instructions. Cheers, Ian Rose ( talk) 22:31, 11 July 2016 (UTC) reply
Comment: You've added about eight citations, which is good, but I still see several uncited end-of-paragraph sentences:
Also on the matter of citations, there is considerable over-referencing in the lead, of information that is adequately cited in the text. Most if not all of these should be removed.
On a more general issue, some of the prose does not seem encyclopedic in tone. For example, "Colonel Halvorsen's life, and especially his work with Operation "Little Vittles", had a profound impact on many, many lives both in the United States and throughout the world" – that's more like magaziney schmooze. I also think that you should refer to your subject as "Halvorsen" throughout, rather than variously as "Lieutenant Halvorsen" or "Colonel Halvoresen", and you should give your readers more information about his promotional path in the USAF: did he skip the ranks of captain and major? All in all, I'm inclined to agree with Ian that this nomination is at present somewhat undercooked. That's not to say that it's miles off, but I don't think that the peer review was adequate, and believe the articles needs a more thorough preparation. Brianboulton ( talk) 23:20, 12 July 2016 (UTC) reply
Oppose, suggest closure of this nomination I don't want to pile onto this well-intentioned nomination. However, I agree with the concerns raised by Ian and Brian and think that this nomination should be withdrawn for now. As some comments which I hope are helpful in improving the article:
Coordinator note: Substantive issues have been raised that indicate this is not ready. Therefore, I will be archiving the nomination. — Laser brain (talk) 11:41, 13 July 2016 (UTC) reply
The article was archived by Laser brain via FACBot ( talk) 11:41, 13 July 2016 [1].
This article is about retired U.S. Airforce officer and humanitarian Gail Halvorsen. It describes Halvorsen's early life and career and focuses on his initiation of and work with Operation "Little Vittles". After seeing and speaking with some of the destitute children of Berlin during the Berlin Blockade, Halvorsen had the idea to drop his candy rations via handkerchief parachute to the children. After Halvorsen's commander officially sanctioned the project, Operation "Little Vittles" expanded drastically. From September 1948 to May 1949, Operation "Little Vittles" dropped over 23 tons of candy to the youth of Berlin. The article goes on to detail the rest of Halvorsen's professional career and his legacy-including both his awards and continuing humanitarian work. Halvorsen was awarded the Congressional Gold Medal, the Cheney Air Force Award, and the Legion of Merit. He also planned candy drops over Bosnia-Herzegovina (as a part of Operation Provide Promise), Kosovo, Japan, Guam, Albania, and Baghdad, Iraq. Because of his international renown, there is a plethora of information on Gail Halvorsen in various places. I believe that this article is one of (if not the) most comprehensive biographies of the man and his life's work. Alexislynn(BYU) ( talk) 21:31, 11 July 2016 (UTC) reply
Oppose for now at least -- recusing from my coord duties, I note there are large sections of uncited text; each paragraph should end with a citation at the very least (indicating all preceding text in the paragraph may be found in the cited source -- more granular referencing may be necessary). On a procedural matter, I note also that a Peer Review is still open; either this FAC should be withdrawn until the PR runs its course or the PR should be closed -- the two should not be open simultaneously, per FAC instructions. Cheers, Ian Rose ( talk) 22:31, 11 July 2016 (UTC) reply
Comment: You've added about eight citations, which is good, but I still see several uncited end-of-paragraph sentences:
Also on the matter of citations, there is considerable over-referencing in the lead, of information that is adequately cited in the text. Most if not all of these should be removed.
On a more general issue, some of the prose does not seem encyclopedic in tone. For example, "Colonel Halvorsen's life, and especially his work with Operation "Little Vittles", had a profound impact on many, many lives both in the United States and throughout the world" – that's more like magaziney schmooze. I also think that you should refer to your subject as "Halvorsen" throughout, rather than variously as "Lieutenant Halvorsen" or "Colonel Halvoresen", and you should give your readers more information about his promotional path in the USAF: did he skip the ranks of captain and major? All in all, I'm inclined to agree with Ian that this nomination is at present somewhat undercooked. That's not to say that it's miles off, but I don't think that the peer review was adequate, and believe the articles needs a more thorough preparation. Brianboulton ( talk) 23:20, 12 July 2016 (UTC) reply
Oppose, suggest closure of this nomination I don't want to pile onto this well-intentioned nomination. However, I agree with the concerns raised by Ian and Brian and think that this nomination should be withdrawn for now. As some comments which I hope are helpful in improving the article:
Coordinator note: Substantive issues have been raised that indicate this is not ready. Therefore, I will be archiving the nomination. — Laser brain (talk) 11:41, 13 July 2016 (UTC) reply