The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot ( talk) 09:17, 26 June 2016 [1].
This article is about Eega, a 2012 Indian bilingual film, which narrates the story of a murdered man reincarnating as a fly and avenging his death. This is my first solo attempt for FA. I thank my friends Kailash29792 and Ssven2 for helping me throughout the process. A special note of thanks to Miniapolis, copy-editor from WP:GOCE. Looking forward for constructive comments. Yours sincerely, Pavanjandhyala ( talk) 02:59, 1 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Note to FAC delegates: In order to avoid any resemblance to a case of WP:VOTESTACK, i hereby list the names of those editors whom i have requested to take part in the discussion; other interested editors are welcomed to comment: J Milburn, Krimuk90, Cowlibob, FrB.TG, Bede735, Jaguar, Jimfbleak, Yashthepunisher, Gareth Griffith-Jones, Vensatry, Dharmadhyaksha, Bollyjeff, Krish!, and West Virginian. Nikkimaria and SNUGGUMS were requested to conduct source and image reviews respectively. Regards, Pavanjandhyala ( talk) 15:37, 3 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Source review - spotchecks not done
I have offered a c.e. here here and here for the "Critical Reception" section. Feel free to revert any changes you disagree with (though IMO the section is now in a better shape). I do have some concerns though -
Hope the c.e. helps. Numerounovedant Talk 13:42, 6 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Drive-by comments: I had a quick look at the plot section, and did a quick copy-edit (and feel free to revert anything you don't like, or that I messed up). Just a few quick points on that section. Sarastro1 ( talk) 23:36, 11 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Otherwise, the article looks generally OK but I think another copy-edit might be needed in places. Also, the Origin section is a little tricky to follow for someone who is unfamiliar with the film. For example, "Rajamouli chose the concept of a man reincarnated as a fly for the script" does not really say what script we are talking about, and "For the first time in his career, Rajamouli began casting after the script was completed" is a little abrupt: I assume he usually cast before the script was done, but why not spell it out for the reader a little more? These were just two points that jumped out from a quick skim, so I think a few more eyes would be beneficial. Sarastro1 ( talk) 23:36, 11 June 2016 (UTC) reply
@ Sarastro1: Thanks for leaving some constructive comments. I await a full review from you and opine that it would help me polish the article well. :) Regards, Pavanjandhyala ( talk) 16:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Origin, scripting and casting: I've read to the end of this section now. I've made a few little tweaks, but there's nothing particularly standing out here. Just a few queries and things I'd like to know a little more about. Sarastro1 ( talk) 21:54, 12 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Sorry for the delay in reading this, reading shortly.♦ Dr. Blofeld 10:41, 16 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Is the short first paragraph in plot really necessary? Can't you merge in a continue with the story there?♦ Dr. Blofeld 11:07, 16 June 2016 (UTC) reply
While I think this article meets the FA criteria in terms of research and content (being a contemporary Tamil film) I wasn't too impressed with the quality of prose. In many places I admittedly found it a little plodding and lacking the flow and panache of an FA quality article. There were a number of examples of repetition and poor choice of wording. I think it could use another copyedit by a native English speaker before this is promoted.♦ Dr. Blofeld 11:37, 21 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Oppose for now. The prose just isn't up to scratch and I suggest it is copy edited to within an inch of its existence. I struggled to understand the plot, and had to take two or three reads to fathom it out. I'll take the opening paragraph from the Release section as an example:
Eega, with Naan Ee and Eecha, was released on 6 July 2012 in approximately 1,100 screens.[73][i]": This may be Indian English, but in screens? I'm more familiar with in cinemas (or theatres/theaters) and on screens.
"The premiere of Naan Ee took place on 5 July at Sathyam Cinema in Chennai, with the cast and crew in attendance.[76]": Why are we going back in time a day? When I read this, my (admittedly factious) mind asked what, all of the cast and crew? (and the cast and director are nearly always at a premiere – name the key ones and drop the rest)
"The Central Board of Film Certification gave the film a U/A certificate without any cuts, citing a few instances of actors smoking.[73][77]": Was this after the release and then premiere? Why do we need to know about smoking? Of all the insubstantial details of a film and it's release, this is one of the smallest
"A 30-percent entertainment tax was levied on Naan Ee by the government of Tamil Nadu.[78]": Where did this sentence drop from, and what's the context? Taxed for the making of, the broadcast of or something else? This, and the remainder of the paragraph on distribution rights are a separate point to the release info and should be in a separate paragraph.
The opening two sentences of the next para are a mystery too. They are about the film and its production, not the release, so why are they here? (I also see we have the names of two pirates of the film: do we care about their names? I also had to read the section more than once to understand that the piracy wasn't the counterfeiting of DVDs, but the broadcast in a cinema of a pirated version)
This is just one quick look – skimming through I see other problems with the prose and context. From the Origin, scripting and casting section: "K. V. Vijayendra Prasad jokingly suggested the concept of a housefly seeking revenge on a human during a conversation with his son, S. S. Rajamouli, in the late 1990s"
. Who and who, is what I'm wondering when I read this (so much so I may click on the link to find out who one of them is and never come back to read the rest of the article). "The Indian screen writer and director K. V. Vijayendra Prasad..."
may be more helpful in providing context for me. This isn't just a one off - there are a few parts where I need a little more context.
The article seems to cover all the areas of information I would expect and seems to be full and interesting, but I struggle to read this smoothly and have had to re-read too many parts to understand the prose. – SchroCat ( talk) 12:27, 21 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Comment I think part of the problem with the flow and readability on this is that I detect a lot of "padding" in places done to lengthen the article and appear more like featured article length and weight, which is very common in Indian cinema articles. Personally I think the article will read much better without a lot of the padding, even if shorter. I'd be tempted to trim it throughout and revamp the way a lot of the information is presented to the reader to improve the flow and standard. I would suggest you remove anything which you added to pad it out and stick to what is of primary importance.♦ Dr. Blofeld 13:17, 21 June 2016 (UTC) reply
I'm sure it wasn't intentional, but sometimes when you try to make something really comprehensive that happens.♦ Dr. Blofeld 13:28, 21 June 2016 (UTC) reply
I don't think you'd like the result if I edited it...♦ Dr. Blofeld 13:32, 21 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Note to the delegates: I don't think so that i can do proper justice to this due to my current state of mind and real life disturbances. I thus am withdrawing the nomination. Thanks for everyone who has participated in the process and tried to make Eega a better article. Regards, Pavanjandhyala ( talk) 05:44, 26 June 2016 (UTC) reply
The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot ( talk) 09:17, 26 June 2016 [1].
This article is about Eega, a 2012 Indian bilingual film, which narrates the story of a murdered man reincarnating as a fly and avenging his death. This is my first solo attempt for FA. I thank my friends Kailash29792 and Ssven2 for helping me throughout the process. A special note of thanks to Miniapolis, copy-editor from WP:GOCE. Looking forward for constructive comments. Yours sincerely, Pavanjandhyala ( talk) 02:59, 1 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Note to FAC delegates: In order to avoid any resemblance to a case of WP:VOTESTACK, i hereby list the names of those editors whom i have requested to take part in the discussion; other interested editors are welcomed to comment: J Milburn, Krimuk90, Cowlibob, FrB.TG, Bede735, Jaguar, Jimfbleak, Yashthepunisher, Gareth Griffith-Jones, Vensatry, Dharmadhyaksha, Bollyjeff, Krish!, and West Virginian. Nikkimaria and SNUGGUMS were requested to conduct source and image reviews respectively. Regards, Pavanjandhyala ( talk) 15:37, 3 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Source review - spotchecks not done
I have offered a c.e. here here and here for the "Critical Reception" section. Feel free to revert any changes you disagree with (though IMO the section is now in a better shape). I do have some concerns though -
Hope the c.e. helps. Numerounovedant Talk 13:42, 6 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Drive-by comments: I had a quick look at the plot section, and did a quick copy-edit (and feel free to revert anything you don't like, or that I messed up). Just a few quick points on that section. Sarastro1 ( talk) 23:36, 11 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Otherwise, the article looks generally OK but I think another copy-edit might be needed in places. Also, the Origin section is a little tricky to follow for someone who is unfamiliar with the film. For example, "Rajamouli chose the concept of a man reincarnated as a fly for the script" does not really say what script we are talking about, and "For the first time in his career, Rajamouli began casting after the script was completed" is a little abrupt: I assume he usually cast before the script was done, but why not spell it out for the reader a little more? These were just two points that jumped out from a quick skim, so I think a few more eyes would be beneficial. Sarastro1 ( talk) 23:36, 11 June 2016 (UTC) reply
@ Sarastro1: Thanks for leaving some constructive comments. I await a full review from you and opine that it would help me polish the article well. :) Regards, Pavanjandhyala ( talk) 16:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Origin, scripting and casting: I've read to the end of this section now. I've made a few little tweaks, but there's nothing particularly standing out here. Just a few queries and things I'd like to know a little more about. Sarastro1 ( talk) 21:54, 12 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Sorry for the delay in reading this, reading shortly.♦ Dr. Blofeld 10:41, 16 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Is the short first paragraph in plot really necessary? Can't you merge in a continue with the story there?♦ Dr. Blofeld 11:07, 16 June 2016 (UTC) reply
While I think this article meets the FA criteria in terms of research and content (being a contemporary Tamil film) I wasn't too impressed with the quality of prose. In many places I admittedly found it a little plodding and lacking the flow and panache of an FA quality article. There were a number of examples of repetition and poor choice of wording. I think it could use another copyedit by a native English speaker before this is promoted.♦ Dr. Blofeld 11:37, 21 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Oppose for now. The prose just isn't up to scratch and I suggest it is copy edited to within an inch of its existence. I struggled to understand the plot, and had to take two or three reads to fathom it out. I'll take the opening paragraph from the Release section as an example:
Eega, with Naan Ee and Eecha, was released on 6 July 2012 in approximately 1,100 screens.[73][i]": This may be Indian English, but in screens? I'm more familiar with in cinemas (or theatres/theaters) and on screens.
"The premiere of Naan Ee took place on 5 July at Sathyam Cinema in Chennai, with the cast and crew in attendance.[76]": Why are we going back in time a day? When I read this, my (admittedly factious) mind asked what, all of the cast and crew? (and the cast and director are nearly always at a premiere – name the key ones and drop the rest)
"The Central Board of Film Certification gave the film a U/A certificate without any cuts, citing a few instances of actors smoking.[73][77]": Was this after the release and then premiere? Why do we need to know about smoking? Of all the insubstantial details of a film and it's release, this is one of the smallest
"A 30-percent entertainment tax was levied on Naan Ee by the government of Tamil Nadu.[78]": Where did this sentence drop from, and what's the context? Taxed for the making of, the broadcast of or something else? This, and the remainder of the paragraph on distribution rights are a separate point to the release info and should be in a separate paragraph.
The opening two sentences of the next para are a mystery too. They are about the film and its production, not the release, so why are they here? (I also see we have the names of two pirates of the film: do we care about their names? I also had to read the section more than once to understand that the piracy wasn't the counterfeiting of DVDs, but the broadcast in a cinema of a pirated version)
This is just one quick look – skimming through I see other problems with the prose and context. From the Origin, scripting and casting section: "K. V. Vijayendra Prasad jokingly suggested the concept of a housefly seeking revenge on a human during a conversation with his son, S. S. Rajamouli, in the late 1990s"
. Who and who, is what I'm wondering when I read this (so much so I may click on the link to find out who one of them is and never come back to read the rest of the article). "The Indian screen writer and director K. V. Vijayendra Prasad..."
may be more helpful in providing context for me. This isn't just a one off - there are a few parts where I need a little more context.
The article seems to cover all the areas of information I would expect and seems to be full and interesting, but I struggle to read this smoothly and have had to re-read too many parts to understand the prose. – SchroCat ( talk) 12:27, 21 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Comment I think part of the problem with the flow and readability on this is that I detect a lot of "padding" in places done to lengthen the article and appear more like featured article length and weight, which is very common in Indian cinema articles. Personally I think the article will read much better without a lot of the padding, even if shorter. I'd be tempted to trim it throughout and revamp the way a lot of the information is presented to the reader to improve the flow and standard. I would suggest you remove anything which you added to pad it out and stick to what is of primary importance.♦ Dr. Blofeld 13:17, 21 June 2016 (UTC) reply
I'm sure it wasn't intentional, but sometimes when you try to make something really comprehensive that happens.♦ Dr. Blofeld 13:28, 21 June 2016 (UTC) reply
I don't think you'd like the result if I edited it...♦ Dr. Blofeld 13:32, 21 June 2016 (UTC) reply
Note to the delegates: I don't think so that i can do proper justice to this due to my current state of mind and real life disturbances. I thus am withdrawing the nomination. Thanks for everyone who has participated in the process and tried to make Eega a better article. Regards, Pavanjandhyala ( talk) 05:44, 26 June 2016 (UTC) reply